u/Alternative_Bee6006

Hey everyone,

I’ve been off narcotics for 25 years and have been through several rehabs myself, so I know the drill. But I am dealing with a brand new, terrifying experience on the family side of things, and I really need to vent and get some advice.

My partner desperately needed help and finally agreed to seek treatment. It was a massive, beautiful turning point for us. We found a great facility near our home in Arizona, but it was a bit expensive.

That’s when things took a dark turn. Someone from a facility called Hope and Healing in Mesa, AZ, apparently gave/sold my wife’s phone number to a salesperson for a national chain ("We Level Up").

The Bait-and-Switch

Literally 30 minutes before we were supposed to leave for the local Arizona rehab, a sales rep called my wife. They completely upended our plans. They convinced her that out-of-state treatment would be better, promised $0 upfront cost, and told her she could keep her laptop and cell phone to work on her Master’s degree during non-clinic hours.

Wanting her to get help, I agreed. She got on a plane and flew 1,200 miles away to a facility in New Jersey.

The Nightmare Intake

She arrived around 2:00 AM. At 3:00 AM, I woke up to a phone call from her begging me to come pick her up.

Now, having been through recovery myself, I know the first night is scary and people often want to bolt. But in the background, I could hear the intake staff. They were using hostile, raised voices, talking down to my wife while she was heavily under the influence of benzodiazepines and deeply distressed.

I told her to try to relax, hand over her belongings for the night, and that we would figure it out in the morning. That was the last time I heard from her.

3 Days of Total Radio Silence

It has been three days now.

I have called the facility every 30 minutes during the day.

I have left messages for the Family Support leader.

I have asked them to get an ROI (Release of Information) signed so they can talk to me.

I’ve even explicitly stated, "I’m not asking for medical info, I just want to confirm she has her property and is safe."

Nothing. Total ghost town.

I am incredibly grateful she is in a place to get help, but I feel sick to my stomach. This facility aggressively poached her, lied to her about what the environment would be like, and now they are completely stonewalling me.

My question for the sub: At what point do I call the local police in New Jersey to do a welfare check? Has anyone else dealt with this specific facility chain? I’m caught between wanting to let her do her treatment and being terrified that she is in an unsafe, predatory environment.

Thanks for listening.

Hey everyone,

I’ve been off narcotics for 25 years and have been through several rehabs myself, so I know the drill. But I am dealing with a brand new, terrifying experience on the family side of things, and I really need to vent and get some advice.

My partner desperately needed help and finally agreed to seek treatment. It was a massive, beautiful turning point for us. We found a great facility near our home in Arizona, but it was a bit expensive.

That’s when things took a dark turn. Someone from a facility called Hope and Healing in Mesa, AZ, apparently gave/sold my wife’s phone number to a salesperson for a national chain ("We Level Up").

The Bait-and-Switch

Literally 30 minutes before we were supposed to leave for the local Arizona rehab, a sales rep called my wife. They completely upended our plans. They convinced her that out-of-state treatment would be better, promised $0 upfront cost, and told her she could keep her laptop and cell phone to work on her Master’s degree during non-clinic hours.

Wanting her to get help, I agreed. She got on a plane and flew 1,200 miles away to a facility in New Jersey.

The Nightmare Intake

She arrived around 2:00 AM. At 3:00 AM, I woke up to a phone call from her begging me to come pick her up.

Now, having been through recovery myself, I know the first night is scary and people often want to bolt. But in the background, I could hear the intake staff. They were using hostile, raised voices, talking down to my wife while she was heavily under the influence of benzodiazepines and deeply distressed.

I told her to try to relax, hand over her belongings for the night, and that we would figure it out in the morning. That was the last time I heard from her.

3 Days of Total Radio Silence

It has been three days now.

I have called the facility every 30 minutes during the day.

I have left messages for the Family Support leader.

I have asked them to get an ROI (Release of Information) signed so they can talk to me.

I’ve even explicitly stated, "I’m not asking for medical info, I just want to confirm she has her property and is safe."

Nothing. Total ghost town.

I am incredibly grateful she is in a place to get help, but I feel sick to my stomach. This facility aggressively poached her, lied to her about what the environment would be like, and now they are completely stonewalling me.

My question for the sub: At what point do I call the local police in New Jersey to do a welfare check? Has anyone else dealt with this specific facility chain? I’m caught between wanting to let her do her treatment and being terrified that she is in an unsafe, predatory environment.

Thanks for listening.

So to wrap up 22 years of marriage and a short couple of paragraphs my wife started drinking with me 15 years ago socially and things accelerated for her and as I quit drinking she started drinking heavier and heavier.

I really didn't complain about the drinking because once she got a 750 indoor she'd do anything I wanted in bed so it was making me the happiest man in the world for a while.

When the online game started and she was cheating on me I said enough is enough I'm going to leave and things suddenly stopped and the drinking slowed down but in the last year it's gotten so much worse again.

I'm proud of her cuz she's gone off to a recovery place in New Jersey to get away from me and the family and just get her s*** together for herself and that's beautiful I've been off of drugs for 25 years and I haven't drank in five and I'm feeling like a lot of the things she yells at me I'm kind of making come true.

When my alcoholic wife gets really mad at me she tells me to get out of her house even though we bought it together I was employed I paid house payments for 20 years but apparently I don't have any interest in the house and heard drunken opinion. The worst is when she tells me she's never had an orgasm or been attracted to me I know she's just saying things to hurt me cuz that is what would hurt me but doesn't make sense why she keeps doing it.

The weird thing this last time was when she detox she decided all I wanted her for was sex and I tried to help her get into rehabs in the state and tried to get her comfortable but everything was a manipulation apparently and instead of going to where she had planned near Phoenix she went all the way across the country and today I went to the family group and was less than impressed.

I know rehab isn't fun I've been there I know that when they tell you certain things it's just to get you in the door but when they promised my partner that she would be able to work on her master's degree and use her computer when she wasn't in clinic and then they took it from her it kind of frustrated me and when the rehab would let her have her cell phone so her dexcom and omnipod would communicate correctly that kind of frustrated me. But I realize I can't control her experience.

The second twisted thing is every time we're having sex and I have any problems with Ed issue she goes it's because you're gay no really it's cuz I'm 60 but maybe I am maybe a man would love me in the way I want to be loved gently held caressed and accepted not told I'm a worthless loser and a failure and never been Loved. I know that alcohol makes people say hurtful things but now I'm starting to wonder is after subconscious coming out does she really mean those things and should I just leave? I mean I'm only 59 I'll be 60 in a couple of months and I've got a pension I could go get another job sell this house and go somewhere but where why alone so depressing.

Guess I need to figure out how to make friends I've been in a codependent relationship for so long she's only been gone for a few days and I haven't been able to leave the house I don't know what to do with myself I'm so lonely I have nowhere to go but the thought keeps running through my mind good one adult theater someone there I'll think you're sexy someone there I'll tell you you have work but is that what I want do I want people to pay lip service cuz I just want to f****** no I want to be appreciated I want to have real friends but most of my hobbies involve late nights and photography and isolation I don't know why I choose those things maybe because I'm afraid.

Life is hard thanks for letting me just talk here because if no one even rains it it doesn't matter I just really don't know what to do anymore. I'm not like self-harm kind of sad I'm more like what's the point in trying because when someone comes home if things haven't changed I'm going to feel even worse and I know they're not going to change just because of a rehab I know she's still going to be herself and if she's not attracted to me without alcohol why do I want to stay here I mean I'm attracted to her but I don't think the feeling is mutual anymore....

Sitting at dockweiler Beach just west of LAX gave some great shots of airlines here's one that doesn't exist anymore.