u/Altruistic_Star_1994

It's the irony of being me. If I care/love I have for a girl the more anxiety I get about it ending or coming down to a crash. I never really show it to her but I do get that relationship anxiety that one day the relationship will lose its spark and I will get hurt beyond redemption. I begin imagining scenarios of abandonment even without tangeable evidence. Being more conscious to the time she takes to reply and how she replies. Overthinking kinda gets out of control.

So the closer I get to a woman the more terrifying it gets. It's so fucking ironic right but I guess maybe there's a part of me that genuinely believes I don't deserve happiness. I have this new girl who told me she loved me. But it feels like I am just counting down the days till she will just move on and look for someone else. The ironic flip side, I am more secure and confident with woman I really don't have an emotional attachment to.

It's a crazy paradoz kani. Those who have dealt with relationship anxiety please help a brother out. Is it normal? I really don't wanna resort to self sabotaging again.

Hameno mafungirowo angu but I wouldn't advise going on Reddit to find love. Find love in the real world. Reddit is a platform where we ask wierd sensitive questions without the risk of social repercussions. Its human socializing in it's raw form because there will be no biases based on your appearance, reputation, status, history, feelings, fears, insecurities or social standing because will not know who the hell you are! This is the definitive quality of reddit and the I use it.

Then apply what we learn here in the real world with real interactions and people. Reddit is not a place to meet people and develop meaningful relationships. It can maybe work out but The risk is just too high! There are people who even search for phones and laptops to buy. Seriously paReddit manje? Koukasanganiswa nembavha?!😂

People can get catsfished on social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter or Instagram? What more a platform where everyone else literally has an anonymous account with no picture or even their real names!

Another risk is when you meet someone here and then it doesn't work out you risk getting your identity exposed and then being forced to delete your account because someone now knows your identity. Reddit will then lose its purpose and lose its position of being a safe space where you can ask legit raw questions about what's going on your life.

And if so, how do you do it? Do you hide behind some clever convenient excuse to "continue the conversation" (like sometimes do🙈😂) or do you just take your shot straight like a man and be like "I think you're beautiful, can I have your number? I want to know you better"

Machinda munotii kudiii?

I think I posted about this girl some time ago I don't know. She left suddenly the day just after I proposed to her. We had been friends for a while very flirtatious friends. It felt real although she was a little cold sometimes and seemed uninterested and distant. I called her the day she went away with no goodbye. She said she would call me back soon.

Well long story short, she didn't call back and it hurt badly but I still didn't chase. To add insult to injury. What particularly hurt me is she contacted other people around our working place except me. However, I got back to my business, and this time been hitting some big milestones. I don't want to get into details but I been winning y'all..😉Its now been over 2 months and surprise surprise look who I see in my DMs today!?!

She responded to my status and now wants to talk. Now my bitter resentful side of me is telling me to "Bluetick this bitch and leave her message on read" but the other side is saying " But we used to get along so well and we had some great times, we can't let that parting incident decide this friendship. Can't we just talk to her and see what happens?"

This also happened with another chick who was giving me confusing vibes. Refusing my advances, leaving my messages on read...until I just completely withdrew emotionally and stopped even visiting. She seems to have noticed the withdrawal and says "ndakuvhaira."

Yep, both of their messages are waiting for my response and both of them I don't know if I should go back to that place. Ahhh Vasikana can be so draining guys or maybe I am overreacting.

Vedare munoti chiii nhai?

I don't know it's something my Tsano recently did. It was a live Manutd he was streaming on his phone through entire visit he was with. Apa it had been months if not years since we last saw him physically. He rarely visits. Ini I am not married hangu but I can't think of myself doing that uchitaura nevazvari pandicharoora pacho.

Maybe I am old fashioned but I found it disrespectful, kusvora dare kabisira kaikoko. My father seemed unphased but ini as his brother-in-law I battled impulses of confronting him. I was screaming mentally it's some fucking football game man! Put the phone down!

Hameno munofungei nazvo dare?

I know how bizarre this question is and the mods may suspend me for this and please tell me if it's too out of line. But ndozvatinosangana nazvo mukufambidzana umu zvangondiingawo. My natural instinct as a man is to ignore it, run for the hills and act like nothing is happening but this girl is sensitive she may take that the wrong way. So I have to continue engaging over text. I have no idea how to manje...

Machinda pane vakasangana nazvo here izvi mukurarama? 😂

The Wolf Manifesto, Omaha 23: The Anxious Prayer

The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want. He lays me upon greener pastures. Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of dresses, I will fear no rejection or blue tick, for the wolf walks with me. I shall not let Wretched prewrite the history before the battle has even begun, therefore, he shall be stoically ignored. Thou shall not carry yesterday's wounds & battles onto today's field.

So Though my blood pressure shoots like I am leaping onto a beach infested by bloodthirsty Nazis, and my heart beats harder the closer I dwell to the promised land. My feet shall continue walking toward that dreaded dress, though I will be exposed and the public may roast me without mercy. Their laughter shall not divert my mission. Should a brother offer to accompany me, I shall say, No, my brother, this battle is between me and she alone. This is a battle meant to be fought by the wolf and the wolf alone.

I shall not lose concentration, for even the grim soundtrack cannot alter my purpose. Should the valley pull another fast one, and she suddenly blows my heart out with a Bazooka. Blasts my body into Pulp Fiction with her AK47. Makes me catch a grenade like my fallen valiant brother Bruno Mars.

I shall not curse my courage, for better to have spoken than to have forever wondered. For Napoleon wrote cowards die many times before their death, and I'm sure as hell not going to die today.

So if my confession be met with ridicule, mockery, silence, laughter, or uncertainty, I shall return to my company, take several deep, painful breaths, open the counter, play and listen to fighting demons, and continue making another thousand dollars. Then go sleep on my beautiful rose gardened house and wake up the next day to another morning of sun.

Surely courage, risky punchlines, mistakes, overthinking, anxiety, fucking up and embarrassing stories shall follow me all the days remaining of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the wolf until the next valley at Omaha Beach. Amen🙏

I am writing this post to clear up a lot of cultural confusion that seems to be rampant today. I got this concept not too late but later than I would have liked. I wasted time.

Guys... American Dating neKunyenga kwemuZimbabwe traditionally is different. Culturally speaking, in essence we do not do the "hey do you wanna grab a coffee" or "Wanna see this movie" shit here in Zimbabwe if you like a woman. Tinoti "NDINOKUDA" first and foremost 😂. That seems to be the equavilent of saying I love you in USA on the first date. Which is of course sounds a little creepy, cringe and too forward to tell someone who you just met.

But in Zimbabwe in my years of experience and from what I have heard around here. Ukasaudza Musikana kuti "Ndokuda" soon enough especially kumamisha and then chase/press her to get the desired answer you want, then you gonna be lonely in Zimbabwe. "Ndinokuda is the inaugural word for most relationships in Zimbabwe. You have to use it and expect to be rejected intially too. If you don't use that word she will likely not take you seriously and move on to some other guy even if she secretly likes you back. How many times have our parents and grandparents told us about how our sekurus spent years vachitymira gulez kumba kwavo only to get a brutal "No." but he persisted, that's why you are now here today?

Hazvidi chiramwa izvi and religiously listening to the red pill movement coz the red pill movement is designed for "American dating" and not "Zimbabwean Kunyenga"😂. In USA, the stakes are considerably safer and much lower in dating than here. It's significantly less terrifying because you are not putting your heart on the line for someone you barely know unlike in Zimbabwe.

No woman expects you to use the L-Word in the first meetings coz like I said it's creepy to them. The inaugural action is simply asking "Do you wanna go on a date with me?" and if she says yes your now already considered to be "dating." If she rejects then you have your answer you move on with your with a clean conscience. No repeated asks coz you know what's up otherwise you risk looking desperate which is even a worse turn off. This "pursuit" in the face of rejection is of course in American culture perceived as "desperation" but in true Zimbabwean love culture its called perseverance "kushinga semurume." 😂

Now back to Zimbabwean "Kunyenga" unoudza Musikana kuti unomuda right off the bat expecting to be rejected several times even over a long period... lol Because most girls chero moyo uchida mukomana, they do not wanna appear easy or be a "hure." So they artficially make it difficult for the guy hoping he jumps through the hoops and mazes. Or at least they don't acknowledge that the love is mutual verbally until much later in the interaction.

So you find on this many advice on this sub or even "love gurus" like Shadhaya they are using an American framework to view Zimbabwean relationship dynamics and honestly a lot of advice here and even on YouTube simply doesn't land on the ground in Zimbabwe. Red Pill movement encourages chiramwa kuno. Manje chiramwa kuno hakuna kwachinokusvitsa lol It's irrelevant to our society especially in parts that are still traditional in the rural areas. If you tell anasekuru that kuti this girl I like is making it difficult for me they will reply "Of course, do you think she's just gonna say yes I love you back just like that?😂 Wotombomhanyiswa nembwa, sunga dzisimbe muzukuru!"

In essence there are some Zimbabweans who have adopted the western "dating" framework of relationships but the general public believes kana wada mukadzi "Omuudza kuti unomuda" before too much time has passed otherwise unozviruza. In my experience kana uchida Musikana, don't do that "I just wanna get to know you" shit... just get to the bone of the matter nguva isati yapera... lol

So I have this "Bestie" I think I have posted about her before on this sub. For those who remember she's the girl who calls me and still calls me at 11pm in the evening. Now she calls me everyday manje. When she doesn't have her phone, I was actually surprised she borrows just to maintain contact. But again she maintains the label that "we just friends."

So I have been doing some experiments. Like progressively pushing flirtatious sexual boundaries and to my surprise most of my advances so far have landed. I have made late night teasing remarks like can I come under your sheets and she has "played along." and used the same flirtatious language back.

Perhaps the most damning evidence. Is one night when she was about to leave I intentionally rested my hand on top of her ass to see how she would react. To my surprise she didn't flinch or do anything she let it rest there until I myself removed it myself...lol I don't know may she didn't feel it there. 😂

Now I also have this new chick too, calling me "chommie" but again her behavior isn't matching her words. The energy itself is off the charts. Our conversational chemistry is really intense. She replies every single message at unrealistic pace. It's clear that when I am on Whatsapp I am her first priority. Now am wondering what Bestie really means?

It's not like they will outright tell you right. They won't. But still there's that danger of misreading signs and unintentionally tresspassing into the sexual harassment territory. But if you don't make a move when you're supposed to, you come off as uninterested or boring or even just a slacker.😂

It's a very fine and confusing line please help me clear it up. PS pane zvaitika uye pane zvichirikuitika... Brotherhood please help me!

If I don't have time to personally wind down in solitude. I become cranky, I have tension headaches at the left side of my head, I get tired and sloppy, I begin rehashing and ruminating over negative things that happened in the past I thought I was over. And my anxiety also climbs.

Thats how I know, I been going too much without down or that "me time." What are your signs?

Being friends with a woman is seen as this pathetic, simpy, needy thing by the red pills. Is that really true or real relationships need a friendship foundation first and then grow into something much stronger overtime?

Let's hear it guys! Are you for or against and let's hear your reasons!

Well I have this homie of mine into his early 30s and still single. Talented but has serious alcohol issues. He drinks everyday, I mean even during morning weekdays you see him at the bars drinking or just sitting still blown out of his mind. At this moment it doesn't seem like he has a plan at all with his life. The few jobs he gets he often squanders the opportunity and gets back to his alcoholic ways.

However, One thing that have hurt his parents and family the most above everything else is that he has no wife. They also think a wife will bring him stability and make him more responsible with his life. So they totally arranged a marriage for him with a young girl who lives from somewhere far away...😅 The future wife is a "young innocent" girl who just finished high school. Yes, they have never met before physically but they are already set to get married in December. It's not even clear if she is aware of his drinking.

Now my question is, is this really a good idea? Will this woman indeed change his behavior that has now years and years. Will his parents succeed in changing him after all these by forcing him to get married? What are their chances?

Ever witnessed a marriage that lacks so much chemistry you just kinda wonder how the hell those "lovers" even got to this point? Some extreme personality contrasts. Even baba vacho unoona kana kakunyara nekudzungaira kavanenge kakaita..unotozvibvunza kuti "Saka baba ava vatogona kubuditsa mashoko nekuti 'ndokuda' kunaMai ava?😂 How the hell did that happen?

I come from a house where my parents share everything they never run out of things to talk about. They even sometimes talk about really personal things even us their kids we will never get to know.

However, I have set at dinner tables at households where communication between spouses is literally dead. Baba vanobva kubasa and it's like a funeral in some houses I used to visit as a kid. In my young teen years even then I would ask myself. "Aren't you gonna at least ask your wife how work was?"

But no the communication, vibing, synergy, coherence and energy is just so dry, its like an inmate who is just living out his remaining days of his sentence.

Have you ever run into a marriage like that? What's your story?

I never thought I would wake up to a world where a machine could write a song that perfectly in Shona. Ndakazviramba at first kuti the person who sang this wasn't even real because the pitch, production, melody even Shona accent which I thought would be the hardest part. It nailed it. I live kumusha right now where the song is played on repeat everyday at the township. I try to explain to them that the song isn't even real and I have failed to explain. They just don't understand the concept of AI.

If AI can now write something that's as emotional and human as a hit song, what other job can it take? Hey zvotyisa kkk

When you're a kid you can't wait to grow up because from the eyes of a child. It genuinely seems like adults live in an orderly paradise that is stress free and full of bliss. They be smiling in your face being so polite and kind even when their worlds are basically on fire 🔥😅💀

And while you will be "tragically" stressing over school, homework and toys... Hoping one day you will get past all that. Little do you know childhood into adulthood is like jumping from the frying pan and into the fire😅🔥

Which age did that reality hit you, and what event opened your eyes? My event was... Well let's just say my parents faced some infidelity issues that nearly destroyed their marriage. Issues we only learned about as adults.

When you're a kid you can't wait to grow up because from the eyes of a child. It genuinely seems like adults live in an orderly paradise that is stress free and full of bliss. They be smiling in your face being so polite and kind.

And while you will be "tragically" stressing over school, homework and toys... Hoping one day you will get past all that. Little do you know childhood into adulthood is like jumping from the frying pan and into the fire😅🔥

Which age did that reality hit you, and what event opened your eyes?

Koshungu ndedzei guys, panemunhu amboti akuda kuti national dollar ridzoke here? Hakuna Saka pressure ndeyei? If this happens we as a nation are totally screwed. I mean foreign trade yedu will totally be screwed and the informal sector ichadini? Kana Ivo varikutumira Mari from diaspora nehama dzikutambira Mari yacho vachadini manje? Uyu ndohutsinye chaiwo uyu!

Could it be that "national pride" bullshit? National pride died in here when elections started getting rigged. As a businessman I am having nightmares about RBZ reintroducing the Zim dollar as the ultimate monocurrency in here. If that happens we are dead. If that happens everyone is gonna get affected even those in the diaspora.

Guys Zimbabwean dollar haisi Mari, USA ndomari. Zim dollar is secondary and only should be used as change not as the main currency. Are they serious just because the Zim dollar has managed to be "stable" for a few they expect us to trust it with our futures and capital.

Zim dollar isn't currency yekuti I can go to sleep ndotorara hope ndichiziva kuti value yangu yakachengeteka. It's a feather in the wind you just never know what tomorrow will bring. Imagine using $40 to buy a loaf of bread WTF!?!

Please tell me this is some kind of crooked joke!

There are people with lots of pride but they don't have qualifications, they are lazy, not skilled and just basically lack discipline. This is a piece of advice for those younger people who are still figuring things out at school.

If you have a huge ego, then it's best you become really good at something that you become difficult to replace at an institute company or general society. In other words am saying koshesai chikoro and just learning/honing your craft in general. Be the best you can be. Practical skill chaiyo zvekuti ukaudza company kuti I am done, vanotokudemba ipapo.

Because if you don't; the world will humble you. It will force you to do those very jobs you thought were beneath you. And if you don't do those "dirty jobs" uchafa nenzara.

The cold truth in the adult world. Is The world works with what you can actually provide not what you think you deserve.

So there was this girl I liked called Melody. I totally was interested in her and she seemed to be interested in me she often visited me at my business. She was warm and we had great chemistry. So I began trying to take our relationship to a new level. I texted her but she would respond 4-5 texts and go quiet. I asked if I could come over to her place at night she rejected that offer several times. Then there was this time I made time to see her at work place after she said "she missed me."

However we spoke for a few minutes and then Melody went into the next room for the rest of the night. Basically I was stood up. That really annoyed me and I took the hint. I also had her phone for her day and found out she has a bf she saved as "Soulmate."

So From that day I reasonably swiftly withdrew my attention from her. So the complications began now when She noticed the withdrawal and now is asking "Ko Wandivengerei mazuvaano? You don't come and see me anymore? Asi hauchandide" coming to my shop talking dumb shit. And in my mind I am asking"Ndomushanyira kubasa kwake ndakamira sani? It's clear she has a "Soulmate" right?"

The people around my neighborhood keep pressuring me too about this girl. "You should make your move, you're wasting time, dai watomunyenga. Musikana anokuda uyu. Makafitana. She's into you!" And I am being confused because the signs of disinterest from Melody seem to be obviously clear at this point from my point of view. However the public, my homies, elders and even random strangers still hound me about this girl so much so I am beginning to feel like I am the slacker!

So nhasi I went to collect some money she owed me and it began again. Her close friend "Ko unobhadharisa bhebhi rako chikwereti?" And I responded "What do you mean?" She (Melody's friend) said to me "Melody told me she loves you"

So I am wondering "You mean the same Melody who leaves my messages on read? The friend insisted with her notion regardless of Melody's objections. And she isn't the only person who has told me that Melody "has a crush" on me. Many people do. I left mid conversation as it was getting awkward especially for her. Melody denied to ever saying anything like that but her face looked exposed, embarrassed. I had to get back to work but this encounter really got me thinking.

They always say there's no smoke without fire. I had thought this was over so I moved on. However this girl and my circle are trying hard to pull me back to her and even continue to roast me for not chasing Melody. Because I genuinely thought I had done everything I could.

Machinda nemadzimai emuno please tell me what's happening because I am in the dark right now... I don't know if the public is simply full of shit trying to force me to beat a dead horse, or maybe I am just not trying hard enough? Which is it?