u/AmazeAmazeAmaze3

I am getting married in July so this is my Future FIL. For a little backstory, my fiance (41M) lives next door to his parents and is in the process of selling his home as he is moving in with me (39F). His mother has classic narcissistic traits. Her daughter cut her out due to physical and emotional abuse, she lies, gaslights, does not respect boundaries and has some pretty bad self worth/self esteem that I believes causes a lot of friction in relationships due to these issues.

So anyways, they were supposed to list his home 3 weeks ago (he is paying them the full rate). They keep pushing the date back, stating his house is too dirty (it wasnt), or it needed too many repairs. We made all the repairs and they still kept finding new reasons to not list the house. 2 weeks ago my fiancee voiced his frustration that he feels like he isn't being listened to as a client, and his mom got defensive and fired him as a client and left. She returned 30 minutes later with her ugly staging stuff and boxed up all of my staging things and moved her stuff in.

Another week goes by, and they tell him it'll be listed by EOD Friday 4/23. Guess what? Monday comes along, and its not listed with more excuses about how bad his house looks. This is frustrating because boundaries aren't being respected, and it has now forced us to cancel our family vacation because a closing will happen during this trip. So during a call my fiancee and I were on with his mom, he asked his mom "so I really want the house to be listed today." and his mom replied with "well we will see if WE think its good enough." That is when I piped in and said I dont feel this is fair to my fiancee. The conversation immediately shifted to his mother saying I dont like her. FIL walks in the door and she says "Hey OP, you talk to FIL about what you think so he can hear it from you!" and adds "Hey FIL, OP is REALLY raking me over the coals over here" . FIL, without hearing any of the conversation says to my Fiancee "Fiancee, you need to grow some FUCKING balls and get OP in line." He repeats that THREE times. that is when I walked away.

He calls his dad a few hours later and ask that they please cancel the contract and let him find a new realtor, and his dad says "if you do that I will cut you out of my life forever." And magically his home got listed during this phone call.

And guess what? 8 offers in 24 hours and we got an accepted offer over asking, so I dont understand his parents need for control as the house was sell ready.

So fast forward to now. His dad apologized to him apparently, but I am hurt. I told him that I don't want his dad being best man in his wedding anymore, and I don't even know if I want to have the wedding as is, because his parents have a laundry list of not respecting boundaries, being mean, manipulative. My fiancee is on my side and went as far as saying we dont even have to invite them to the wedding if I dont want to. Well his birthday is next Friday, and I have no resolution to all that transpired, and I am so hurt. His familys MO is to be mean and then pretend it never happened -- that is NOT how I work, nor will it EVER be how I work. I told my Mom I will not be attending any birthday parties next week with the family and she thinks I need to forgive and forget. Personally I think that is how these issues keep happening because they feel entitled to hurt however they want with no consequences.

I want an apology. I want an explanation. I am human and make mistakes but Ive never been talked to like that before. So WIBTA if I am essentially NC until theres apologies and plans to move forward that are more healthy?

I'm not asking anyone to armchair diagnose, I am just merely asking if these traits feel this way, and what do I do.

Background: My future mother in law "Sonya" (fiancee and I getting married in July) seemed like a good mother on the surface. Extremely attentive, always wanted to be with her kids. Overprotective to a fault. Very controlling. Very critical of how her children looked and would make comments about their weight, and they always had to dress a certain way. Light physical abuse as well with pinching when she lost her temper.

Her daughter has cut contact many times and is recently back in her life, reasons fully unknown and understood. Sonya was devastated when her daughter cut her out, but would only talk bad about her. STILL talks bad about her behind her back (We have told her MANY times to stop). She goes to family therapy but completely skews what her own therapist says. Unsure why she wants a relationship other than for control or appearance purposes? Because I just dont know why someone would want a relationship so badly for someone they think SO poorly of, or maybe I just dont get it because my family, we dont talk about each other behind their backs.

I am trying to be as objective as possible, so here goes. She lost a bunch of weight on ozempic 6 months ago, and made a point to FREQUENTLY say things to me like "I have clothes that are too big for me if you want", or "come over and take a look at all my bigger clothes." Not like a few times, like MANY times. I have politely turned this down many times. She has made a few comments about my shape. I am 5'10", a size 10. I work out a lot and have muscle. She is 5'2", we are not the same body by a long shot. Well, she gained the weight back and has stopped bringing that up so let's move on.

Next up are the guilt trips. Fiancee lives next door to his parents (not for long), We are frequently told that we do not do enough with them. We always have to initiate, and they feel like once a week get togethers is not enough. This is my perspective that NOTHING is EVER enough, and is how my fiancee feels as well. During Christmas time, they have a HUGE party where they invite all their customers to their home so they go ALL. OUT... To the point the newspaper has come and done a story on them. Well they are getting older, and we came over many times to help them set up but it was met with more complaining about how its not enough. Then when Christmas was done, we took everything down. They did say thank you.

Sonya once made a body comment to her grand daughter, age 10. My fiancee immediately stepped in and Sonya CHEWED, absolutely CHEWED him out for daring to speak up to her and disrespect her in front of her grandchild.

Said grandchild got baptized this weekend. It was absolutely unplanned. Fiancee's daughter felt called to do it and so I filmed it and sent it to them. Grandma was upset, which is FAIR. Fiancee called her and said "Hey I'm in the car and on speakerphone", but grandma was so angry she proceeded to make her grand daughter feel guilty and bad for getting baptized when they werent there. Never accountability. Always flips the story.

She talks bad about my fiancee to me, and I have told her to stop but she still makes little quips about him. Never accountability. Always flips the story.

There's so many more instances, but this is the one I don't know if we can come back from. Fiancee is selling his house. His parents are realtors. He is paying them the full commission rate. 3 weeks they have refused to list his house because its not "ready". Keep telling us to fix and replace and how "dirty" the house was. Trust me you all, I can objectively say this house is clean. Every switch plate, vent, floorboard, is CLEAN. It's not PERFECT though. They keep telling them they will have it listed by XX date, and then that date comes and they said "its not ready yet". My fiancee voiced his feelings that he isnt being treated like a client, so his mom said she was firing him as a client and would find him a new realtor. That was a HUGE relief to us! Then 30 minutes later she was packing all of my staging things away, and put out her extremely dated home staging stuff all over his house (think 1990's Roosters and outhouses home decor).

Today we discussed our frustrations with them and they blew up on us and they said they would do what they want.

I am mourning this relationship. I have no idea what's going on. I have so many around me sounding the alarms. We were set to have a big family trip in May and I cancelled the trip, because his mom believes everyone should do everything together, and that doesnt gel with my family. We communicated multiple times that we will NOT be doing everything together, but she was getting maniuplative again. She also invited her daughter without asking me on a family trip I planned, and then let me know her daughter is a "freeloader and is lazy" so she wont pay for things or clean. I determined it was just too much of a headache and cancelled the trip to prevent drama.

I keep being made to feel like the bad guy and I just dont know what to do.