u/AncientMothsAbove

AP has something wrong with his heart, is experiencing scary sounding symptoms. Wife was meant to stay till end of the month but left 2-3 weeks early.

I’m disgusted, I’m genuinely worried if it’s okay for him to be living alone right now. Tests are being done frequently, he’s on medication. He’s always been the picture of health and now something is deeply and urgently wrong.

OW may be familiar with the business husband living in a separate country from his wife situation I’m in, she was meant to move in…

there’s no visa or money issues, they’ve been together a LONG time, but she never moves, promises to move, tells me and all his friends she’s going to move, doesn’t. The move in date gets changed again and again and again. Which is probably embarrassing for him.

How could she leave her husband when he’s sick? When they don’t know what’s wrong with him yet? When he’s still being tested?

She has no reason not to move in, money is fine, visa is fine, with the field she works in and being multi lingual she could get a good job easily and even if she couldn’t he makes enough to support here.

She doesn’t seem to want to move despite him having a successfully business here and a house.

I’ve run into her a few times over the years, I smile wave, say a hello. Sometimes if AP is there he will engage me in run of the mill neighbourhood gossip for a few minutes before we all say goodbye.
Recently I’m running into her MUCH more often, even running into her when trying to avoid her.
It’s a small town so to avoid someone it takes a lot of energy and thinking, up until now it has always worked, I’ve successfully avoided or minimized how much we have to interact.

I don’t know why I’m suddenly running into more often. It’s awkward and silent.

She knows on some level about AP and I even about the intimacy, the dates, makeouts, but stays with him which makes seeing each other even more uncomfortable because she knows but chooses to stay, she knew about it before they got married too and still married him. I don’t expect her to be warm or friendly but after I see her I end up ruminating on the moment instead of compartmentalizing it.

Question from OW from a current OW.

I’ve heard this saying a lot of people when confiding in them, that if he’s willing to kiss me behind his wives back, how can I be sure he isn’t cheating on me?

I find it an annoying hypothetical as everyone is capable of cheating even if they have never once cheated before. He could cheat on me, so could a non MM who’s never once cheated before.

Every relationship has that possibility of cheating happening in some form, emotional , physical even financial.

How long did your relationship with MM last? Did he ever cheat on you?

It’s been a few years now, monthly dates. Wine, beer, expensive food. On occasion he invites his friends along, he has never hidden our closeness. He wraps his arm around my waist, whispers in my ear, presses against me as he sits and talks with people he has known for over a decade. People I hardly know, whose faces I study trying to see if they think anything is “off” about the way he treats me. If they have known him so long, why do they act as if him bringing around another woman isn’t worth even blinking at? Slowly those people started to disappear from his life, he (40) claims it’s because people grow apart. I (29) know it’s because of me,—or well us. 

The fact that he isn’t even a little subtle around people who know his now wife. Though I couldn’t read their faces, I cannot realistically believe that he and those people grew apart naturally, people only started distancing themselves from him after I appeared, after he started bringing me along to dinners. Only one friend made a big deal out of it but I wasn't privy to much of the conversation, all I know is they blocked me on everything. MM and him are close…I think they may not be friends anymore, everytime I ask MM he avoids answering that question directly.

Things are moving forward with his wife, she’s supposed to be moving from their home country to here. I thought things would change between me and him, it probably will, she’s moving stuff in right now but not officially living there yet, when she moves here (if she does because there has been talk about her staying in their home country), but he’s still trying to schedule dates even when she’s around, sleeping in his house, we still text frequently. We still flirt. Talk as often as we can. For a while we tried to text less so she’d be happy. “My wife isn’t going to like that we text everyday” but somehow we fell into a rhythm of texting every day sometimes twice a day. Morning and night before bed.

I wonder how much longer it will last if she moves in with him. She dislikes it, she knows things have happened between us, he has argued with her about the fact that she won’t allow me to be at large group gatherings with his friends when she is around.

I understand why she doesn’t want me around, I wouldn’t want the OW around.

Yet I yearn for the group gatherings I miss out on, but after years I suppose he no longer needs to fight for me to be at group gatherings as most of the group has distanced themselves from him.

I can’t stop wondering when the next kiss will be, how long we will be able to maintain our relationship, how long until our resolve breaks and we give in to lust and have sex. 

Some days I yearn for a more traditional affair, secret meet ups, whispered I love yous.

Instead we tell each other we are friends, then he takes me out for cocktails, I wear heels and something fashionable. We talk for hours, occasionally the night will end with a kiss if our resolve breaks. We pretend that’s normal, we pretend it’s just what people do. We don’t speak it out loud, don’t acknowledge it, the times we had we fight, sometimes for days and then the fight ends with us saying how important the other is to the other.

Everyone around us sees our relationship for what it is, neighbours can’t figure out if I’m the OW or if his wife is because I am seen with him more frequently. My family dislikes him, his family dislikes me. His friends dislike me, his wife dislikes me. 

We care for each other deeply and everytime someone tries to pull us apart or tell us we shouldn’t be together we seem to cling tighter to each other. 

I crave to kiss him again. But who knows when we will get an opportunity where we are truly alone.

Edit: I had written OM when I meant to write MM. that has been fixed to cause no confusion.

4’11 90-95lbs (40-43kg) , I can never find yoga pants that fit in length and waist without slipping down, I’d prefer “skinny jeans” fit or straight legs

Any recommendations!

29F, 40M.

I’ve known him for many years he acts as sort of a mentor to me, explaining a lot different issue to me. Teaching me different things, helping me shut off the water when the water pipe burst.

Recently he’s started telling me “be good.” And “don’t get into any trouble.”

I feel like if any other man said this to me I’d think it was flirting but he has a wife and if I even suggested it was flirting he likely say it isn’t.

Is this something men do? I feel Japanese and Chinese culture has some overlap but I don’t think it would explain this.

2+1 is online slang for mistresses thought putting it in the title might help