Handling broken heart and doubt
Hi, so I’m 21F and yesterday me and my 26M broke up because he says he wants a kid in the future and I don’t. We wished each other the best, hugged and said goodbye (presumably forever, I can’t really do the friends thing). But… I’ve never not doubted myself on any decision I’ve ever made. I doubt literally every action I take. And I’m sitting here wondering if I really don’t want kids or if I’m just young. I love kids; I’m going to be a high school teacher.
But, my maternal family has a long history of depression (including me), I really like my personal space, and after living with my non-verbal autistic brother for his 13 years of life (as much as I truly love him) my life would be ruined by a child like him. The screaming, the diaper changing, the general mess, the lack of personal space…
Yet I wonder if this is the wrong decision? If I just gave up someone I love because I’m assuming children are worse than they really are? Truth be told I don’t think I’ll ever stop doubting, but I’d appreciate some help being okay with that?