u/Any_Trash6365

Basically im in 11th grade rn and a girl but I think ill be in 12th when I start but im moving from Melbourne Australia to Nebraska but its like a small town in neb bc my mum wanted a change of pace ig and houses are so much more cheaper in America then Australia because why is a 1 million dollar house a mansion in neb but in Melbourne its a small house or apartment??? so any advice? im moving to gering. im looking forward to no school uniform but its like the other side of the world. also are there protestant baptist churches because I live in a very heavily orthodox and muslim area so there are barley any baptist churches. sooo any advice please : )

my life is disgusting and gross, for context im a girl and im 16 and ever since I was 5 ive been exposed to sexual content from a abuser and I was abused until I was 14 and I continued to put myself into bad situations because of that and like I feel so so disgusting because I finally realised what has been happening my whole entire life is not fun or just making money its disgusting and abuse and horrible and I was finally getting a second chance because my mum was moving me to a high school were they support your mental health more and you get more freedoms such as no school uniform and the school starting at 10 am instead of 8 am and it being more relaxed than my current super strict school but they rejected me because my grades were to ''good'' im literally a c student idek what they are talking about and my mum asked them to re consider so I had to take a depression test or somthing and they said I dont show enough depressive symptoms to be let into the school and im so so sad everything was going to be good but im not sick enough to be let into the school??? It dosnt make sense bc im literally in anorexia recovery rn but im not even allowed into the school? I feel like my life is over and my whole body just feels disgusting.

I know this will sound like a fantasy post but I literally swear its not im 16 and a girl but my mum got this new bf when I was 14 and they got married last year and hes always so weird and ive told my mum but she just thinks im jealous but ive told her he told me once that I looked sexy in my shorts and it made me feel weird but before (without going into detail) he was in my room and we were talking and we ended up doing it and I wasn't saying no or fighting back or anything like idk I wasn't thinking about it I just did it but now I feel so disgusting like that mans literally ment to be a father figure/ dad to me but I did it with him and I feel like I ruined a good relationship and idk how to tell my mum or if I even should, like hes acting like nothing even happend but I feel like my whole entire life is different but hes acting like its nothing its so weird how am I even supposed to act, I wanted to wait until marriage and everything but I just screwed everything up and now my stomach hurts from doing it : ( idek what to do or why my step dad is acting like everything's normal.

basically ive been abused since I was 4 in that type of way by a family friend and it stopped when I was 15 and im 16 now but I see alot of things about how guys want a virgin but I never went and willingly did it or slept around which I would understand why people woulndt want that but yeah, ik with my future boyfriend I will need to bring up my past eventually it just makes me feel bad and idk how he would react bc ive seen some guys get mad at their girls for that stuff so its scary.

ever since I was 4 I had a female family friend who would babysit me and exploit me by taking those type of photographs of me, this went on for years, as I got older when I was 11 she introduced me to how the dark web works and showed me the website I was on and I remember so vividly how proud she was and it makes me feel so sick thinking about how evil and disgusting she was, from like 12-14 she stopped taking them of me but coached me to take some of myself and showed me ways to sell them for her, when I was 15 she died from lung cancer. I have never told anyone this but she is one of the most evil woman in my opinion. AMA

ok for context im a girl and im 16 and I lowk would do that stuff since I was 11 but I never felt anything but at the start of this year I like felt it yk so I do it like once every day or sometimes more and I literally cant even do it if I dont like think its someone much older doing it to me idk why but it makes me feel so gross after like yeah and I just feel like such a loser after I do it and idk if its good if I do it bc lust is bad but idk if I should do It as a Christian and I pray about it alot but I feel guilty all the time and really gross like idk if its normal that I can only do it if I think of or watch someone like over 40 doing it like I dont feel anything if I watch like younger people in their 20s idk if thats bad or not but yeah thats my question also pls dont judge : )

not a question it just makes me put it like that)

I made a post yesterday on here about this man that im really close with through church and you can look at my profile and read it bc I dont want to explain it again, but I was going to his house with my parents to pick up stuff for the homeless ministry we needed and my mum told me to grab it for her bc she was wearing pj pants so I went inside and I saw him with a gun in his mouth and he was crying and it was so scary I literally felt my face get super hot in like seconds when I saw it and like he stopped ig bc he saw me but it was so so scary and I hugged him and I told my mum what happend and she called some people from my church to come and we were at his house and we were talking to him about why he feels this way and he said he feels like a loser and unattractive (this might sound weird but hes like the opposite of unattractive) and he said alot of stuff about how he should be married by now with kids (hes 48) and we were like making him feel better yk.

when I got home he was texting me saying he was sorry that I saw that happen and I shouldn't have seen that and I told him I dont want you to die and then he said he loves me. this didn't happen that long ago bc rn im supposed to be at school but I went to his house before school but bc of all that happened I didn't end up going today.

I have mixed feelings because I definitely do not want him to die and I cried sm when I got home bc it was so scary, but also reading the comments to my previous post with you guys saying that hes a horrible person who is going to abuse me.

idk what to think but this is an update ig