u/Apprehensive-Egg9393

My wife has been away this week for the first time for work. At the same time, my LO is in their first fortnight at nursery.

I have been effectively solo parenting this week and doing everything with LO, including nursery run. Since my wife has come back, my LO has been okay with her, but refusing to settle with her for bedtime. LO has not been this way previously and has always preferred my wife. They now prefer me and fuss until I come into the room. Has anyone had this before, and is there a way to fix it as my wife has become a bit disheartened by the rejection.

As pleased as I am that LO is keen on me, it's not having a great impact on my wife.

So, I went NC with parent about 10 months ago and on Sunday I received a call from them.

I was hesitant to explain why I went NC as historically I have been placid.

I decided to let it all out. I told them everything that they had done to me over the years. The parent in question was emotionally abusive and physically abusive. They villainised the other parent and kept them from our lives and then spent years comparing me to that parent whenever I displayed traits that they did not like. This led to a very negative self-image, which I struggled with for years.

I truly believed that I was inherently a bad person because this was reinforced to me frequently. I also developed a slight recoil/alertness whenever I heard metal jangling nearby.

I called parent out on all of this behaviour and said that in order for us to have a relationship, they had to accept true accountability. I was offered a "sorry if you felt that way" type of apology. I pushed back, asking for true accountability. More denial, more justification, and gaslighting followed. We ended the conversation very poorly.

My question is this, where do I go from here?

The parent in question is not black and white as I have some fond memories of them. I can not move past the negative memories, though.

The parent also refuses to take true accountability and seems to have only listened to find something that they can argue against instead of truly hearing what I had to say.

Would moving to complete NC forever make sense? Would a yearly xmas card be appropriate? What are the right next steps? Any experience of dealing with this sort of thing would be very appreciated.

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I’m weighing up two job offers and would really appreciate some outside perspective.

JOB 1 – FMCG Sales

\- 5 years’ experience in FMCG sales, so this would be a genuine promotion and salary increase.

\- £2k higher base salary than Job 2.

\- No specific bonus.

\- 20 miles from home.

\- Founder-led business.

\- Potentially better for my longer-term career progression.

\- The role is in an area I’d potentially like to move to in 2–3 years.

\- 23 days holiday plus BH

JOB 2 – FMCG E-commerce

\- Not a sales role, but still within FMCG.

\- More of a slight promotion/sideways move in terms of career progression.

\- £2k lower base salary than Job 1.

\- 10% bonus.

\- 25 days holiday plus BH

\- Only 0.5 miles from home.

\- Corporate environment.

\- Significantly better work-life balance.

There’s also a family consideration: I have a child at a local nursery, so with Job 2, I could potentially walk to work and walk to nursery, which would make the day-to-day routine much easier. Job 1 would mean a longer commute.

The dilemma is that I still want to progress in my career and don't want to make a move that limits my options later on. Job 1 seems like the more obvious career move, whereas Job 2 offers a potentially much better quality of life.

The interesting part is that Job 1 is in an area where I could see myself living in 2–3 years, so taking it could potentially make sense strategically if I eventually moved closer to work.

What would you choose?

Would you take the more obvious career progression and higher salary with the 20-mile commute, or take the slightly less ambitious move with the 10% bonus, 0.5-mile commute, and better work-life balance?

And does the fact that one company is founder-led and the other is corporate change your decision?

I’d be particularly interested in hearing from people who have made a similar choice between career progression vs. quality of life, especially with young children.

EDIT: I would like to add that a big concern is that taking Job 2 would be an exit from sales, which then limits my earning potential and career progression.

How do you choose between the two? As a parent, you want to be around your LO as much as possible but as a person you want to progress in life and work.

How on earth do you choose?

For example, I have a dilemma with a very clear answer depending on what you prioritise.

Which job would you choose?

I’m weighing up two job offers and would really appreciate some outside perspective.

Job 1 – FMCG Sales

5 years’ experience in FMCG sales, so this would be a genuine promotion and salary increase.

£2k higher base salary than Job 2.

No specific bonus.

20 miles from home.

Founder-led business.

Potentially better for my longer-term career progression.

The role is in an area I’d potentially like to move to in 2–3 years.

Job 2 – FMCG E-commerce

Not a sales role, but still within FMCG.

More of a slight promotion/sideways move in terms of career progression.

£2k lower base salary than Job 1.

10% bonus.

Only 0.5 miles from home.

Corporate environment.

Significantly better work-life balance.

There’s also a family consideration: I have a child at a local nursery, so with Job 2 I could potentially walk to work and walk to nursery, which would make the day-to-day routine much easier. Job 1 would mean a longer commute.

The dilemma is that I still want to progress in my career and don't want to make a move that limits my options later on. Job 1 seems like the more obvious career move, whereas Job 2 offers a potentially much better quality of life.

The interesting part is that Job 1 is in an area where I could see myself living in 2–3 years, so taking it could potentially make sense strategically if I eventually moved closer to work.

What would you choose?

Would you take the more obvious career progression and higher salary with the 20-mile commute, or take the slightly less ambitious move with the 10% bonus, 0.5-mile commute and better work-life balance?

And does the fact that one company is founder-led and the other is corporate change your decision?

I’d be particularly interested in hearing from people who have made a similar choice between career progression vs. quality of life, especially with young children.

Has anyone else seen a dramatic uptick in the number of kicks and smacks to the privates since becoming a father?

My LO somehow always finds a way to stomp, kick, or smack me right in the family jewels.

I strongly suspect he wants to remain an only child. Lol.

Has anyone had this happen and any tips to protect yourselves, please, and thank you!

They are still under a year old, btw, so I can't ask them to be more careful as they won't understand.