u/Apprehensive-Long2

I'm 22(F) he is 26(M).

From the beginning, he used to trauma dump a lot, talk about not sleeping, feeling lonely, misunderstood, etc. He’d text me all night and I genuinely tried to support him because he seemed mentally low.

Within a month, he confessed love, started talking about a future together, and got emotionally very attached very fast. But at the same time, I started noticing red flags. I found chats from around the same period where he was asking random people for “time pass” with girls. Later I also saw him talking to another girl in a way that made me uncomfortable. He had his very serious relationship breakup just 2 months before meeting me.(I got to know later) still he chose to flirt, share his kinks and gave abbreviations to me.

Whenever I questioned anything, he either ignored it, got angry, or blamed someone else instead of answering directly.

What affected me most was that he often implied self-harm. He once showed me cigarette burn marks on his hand, said things like “nobody understands me,” and even said things like “if you leave me, I could hurt myself.” Because of this, I became genuinely worried about his mental state.

Eventually I got emotionally exhausted and blocked him. Before doing that, I texted his roommate asking him to please keep an eye on him because I was honestly scared he might do something to himself.

After many days, he contacted my friends trying to reach me. I unblocked him thinking maybe something serious had happened, but instead he insulted me for messaging his roommate and acted like I was insane for even thinking he could harm himself.

Now I genuinely can’t tell: was this emotional manipulation, or was he actually struggling and I handled it badly?

Tl dr:

Guys!! I'll be visiting Patna with 3 of my friends. Suggest some good cafes, not the crowded one,budget(3k approx).

Since we're all girls, some good places for clothing and stuff too.

Idk why I'm able to post on r/Patna. So I chose to post here

I’m trying to understand a person’s behavior pattern.

On the surface:

He comes across as decent, helpful, and well-mannered.

People around him describe him as a “good guy.”

His public image (social media, general interactions) seems normal and even thoughtful.

But in private or in certain situations:

He talks very differently often disrespectfully.

Frequently turns conversations toward sex or physical stuff.

Says he doesn’t believe in seriousness and just “wants a girl.”

Flirts consistently but avoids emotional responsibility.

When questioned, he changes his story, gives excuses, or shifts blame.

Can switch behavior suddenly caring one moment, distant or critical the next.

Another confusing pattern:

He admits his past mistakes.

Talks about guilt and “learning from it.”

But then repeats the same kind of behavior again in the present.

So it feels like: He’s aware of what he’s doing… but still chooses to repeat it.

Question: What kind of personality does this reflect?

Is this immaturity, manipulation, or something else?

Hey everyone,

With just a few days left for UPSC, I wanted to know how you all are structuring your time right now.

How many hours are you studying daily?

What’s your current mock score range?

Are you focusing more on revision or giving tests?

Any last-minute strategies that are actually helping?

I’m trying to improve my approach in these final days, so any practical tips would really help.

Also, quick side note how are you all managing phone usage? I personally feel it’s not an issue for everyone, but my roommate spends like 6–8 hours daily just scrolling reels gifted her the earbuds cz it was terrible to handle.

Would love to hear what’s working for you all.

I(23F) recently met a guy (27M) who, right from the beginning, opened up about his past 6 different relationship stories, guilt, trauma, everything. Honestly, it was a lot, and my first instinct was to leave.

But then I found out he was connected to one of my juniors, and she spoke very highly of him. Said he was kind, helpful, a really good person. That made me reconsider. I thought maybe he’s just someone who’s been through a lot.

Within a month, he confessed he “loved” me. I didn’t take it seriously at first, but he kept assuring me he wouldn’t trouble me, and his behavior with me (and others) was always respectful and caring. So I stayed.

Then things got weird. A guy showed me chats where this same person was asking for random girls “for time pass.” That didn’t sit right with me at all. Still, I gave him the benefit of the doubt because of everything I’d heard and seen before.

Later, I found more chats this time with another girl. So I finally confronted him, calmly asking what was going on.

The response? Completely different person.

He got defensive, told me to “stop behaving like a typical woman,” called me a liar, and avoided answering.

When I pushed for clarity, he finally said:

“I like doing these things. I was here just for time pass with you.”

That was it.

I genuinely don’t understand how someone can act so caring and respectful one moment, and then turn out like this. I feel stupid for ignoring the red flags and staying because of sympathy and what others said about him.

Pata hai aaj kya hua I’m 22F, he’s 27M. We didn’t know each other but somehow started talking. He opened up a lot family issues, “no one understands me,” unsupportive dad, etc. I listened bcz he genuinely seemed lonely.

Early on, he told me about his 6–7 past relationships and said he’s never shared all this with anyone, but “you understand me.” I believed it.

Then things got… weird.

He’d text me like 18 hrs a day. Even while driving. He’s preparing for competitive exams but instead of studying, he’d spend HOURS talking to me full nights, no sleep.

Once he stayed up all night texting me and next day casually said he had a major exam.

I kept telling him to focus. I’m on a gap year working on my skills, so yeah I had time, but he didn’t take his prep seriously at all.

Then the real issue

I randomly saw a chat of his with someone else. Same ex story, but completely diff version.

With me → emotional + guilty

With them → blaming his ex + even said “find me a girl for time pass”

That broke me.

He had an exam around that time so I stayed quiet (didn’t wanna mess it up for him).

But AFTER that, I saw another chat with a different girl.

When I confronted him, he flipped it on me said I’m “behaving too much.”

Same guy who used to call me “wife,” talk about marrying me, etc.

I tried to communicate calmly, asked about things he never told me → he went silent.

Now he reads my msgs and ignores.

What’s messing with my head is this

IDK if I’m somehow the reason behind his mess? Like did I distract him?

Also when I got angry (after he accused me), he said:

“I expected this from you. You used my stories as a weapon.”

But I NEVER shared his stories with anyone. Not friends, not family. I only brought them up to make him see his own contradictions.

So now I’m stuck

Was I just emotional support / time pass?

Or am I overthinking and somehow at fault here