u/Appropriate_Luck8668

So I have dissociative identity disorder, which comes with its fair share of troubles already, but I must say it's even MORE troubling when other alters keep TAKING OFF MY FUCKING GLASSES WHEN I'M NOT FRONTING.

I mean, what are they even trying to gain through this? Because I don't remember taking my glasses off, I just know that I zone out for a while and suddenly they aren't on my face anymore. Awesome. Love that. It's not like we needed them anyway, right? Not like the optician said we need to wear them all the time. Totally. Just keep taking off our glasses then, pal. That's fine by me! FINE BY ME!!! I'm not bothered at all, being the person who has to KEEP PUTTING THEM BACK ON. I don't even CARE! WHATEVER!!!

I'm so happy. I ordered a size L, but it came as an S. I tried it on anyway and LUCKILY it fits perfectly and binds well. Adding on, I would have gotten it returned if it didn't fit!!! Don't worry!!! I'm FINE!!!

Anyway, I'm just really happy. I am kind of worried in case my parents find out though, since they were sorta against it and when they found out I ordered it they told me that when it arrived we were gonna get it returned. In the e-mail it said that if I didn't pick it up by a certain date it would return anyway so I guess I can just use that as an excuse and say "yeah no I just didn't go pick it up at all", which is like good enough, I think.

So that's what I'm happy about today. Woohoo!

Okay, before I start this post, let it be known that I have NPD myself. Please keep debates respectful. Any blatant demonisation of people with NPD will result in a block. Thank you.

Anyway, I've been thinking, and Ford is INCREDIBLY NPD coded. It's basically all but outright canon. And as a person with NPD, I relate to him completely. I think he's great representation of the disorder, and in this post I'm going to go into detail on why I think that.

First of all, if you don't know, NPD stands for narcissistic personality disorder. It's a cluster B personality disorder characterised by a pattern of pervasive lack of empathy, grandiosity, and need for admiration. In detail, the DSM-V outlines these traits.

- A grandiose sense of self-importance
- A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
- Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or associate with, other special or high-status people
- Requires excessive admiration
- Has a sense of entitlement
- Is interpersonally exploitative
- Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognise or identify with the feelings and needs of others
- Is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
- Shows arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes

The requirement to be diagnosed with NPD is to fit 5 out of these 9 criteria by showing a pattern of these traits from early adulthood (onset can be earlier of course) and it must interfere with the person's interpersonal relationships and general quality of life.

Ford meets this criteria, and let me go into more detail. He meets seven of these (criterion 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, and 9) and it's shown multiple times in the show, journals, and recounts from other characters.

Grandiose sense of self-importance: I believe this is fairly obvious. Ford tends to place himself above others, considering himself more important and more intelligent than them.

A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love: This is especially evident in Journal 3. Just from one small snippet, it's shown in even the second page of his journal; "Publish theory and join the ranks of Newton, Tesla, & Einstein in the pantheon of science!".

That singular quote also covers criterion 3, so I will not go into more detail there. You get the gist already.

Requires excessive admiration: This is what made him to susceptible to Bill's manipulation. Ford is vulnerable and needs admired. He fantasises about fame and global admiration, and this is what Bill promises him. Again, I believe it's obvious.

Has a sense of entitlement: Ford believes he's naturally entitled to admiration from other people. I think this is fairly evident in AToTS and most episodes pre-finale, and I touch more on his entitlement in analysing his lack of empathy.

Lacks empathy: Ford has difficulty understanding how other people may be feeling, which becomes clear in his interactions with Stan especially. While this could be attributed to his autistic traits (I could write a whole book about how Ford is autistic) I think it also applies here, especially with the way it is presented in the show. For example, when Stanley is kicked out, Ford shows black and white thinking (splitting, which is a phenomenon present in all cluster B PDs, not just BPD) and his entitlement blinds him from seeing or being willing to understand Stan's perspective, leading to him being kicked out. We also see this with Fiddleford, where instead of trying to understand what he may be feeling after falling into the portal, Ford immediately wants to know how he personally could benefit from this, and when Fiddleford tells him it was dangerous and to shut the portal down, we immediately see him 'split' once again ("Fine, I'll do it without you! I don't need you, I don't need anyone!") instead of trying to understand Fiddleford's perspective. I could go on and on about this one. Ford evidently lacks empathy. (Note: splitting in NPD is different to in BPD, wherein the pwNPD splits more 'vertically', seeing all good and all bad as superior and inferior rather than in BPD where splitting is more like idealisation and devaluation)

Shows arrogant, haughty behaviours and attitudes: Say it with me folks; "IT'S OBVIOUS!".

Some additional evidence includes thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com's "EVEN HIS LIES ARE LIES" code, wherein Bill says this. "Because winning made him feel special. And good god, did he want to feel special. A quick perusal of his memories showed that Sixer’s entire sense of self worth was tied up in his self image as a lone genius, causing him to ride an endless see-saw between dizzying ego and plummeting insecurity. The truth was, he was half a genius. The other half seemed to be frozen at the age of 18, still a child, totally dependent on outside praise, terrible at understanding and relating to others." This covers essentially everything I didn't elaborate further on. His need for admiration and his belief in being special/his grandiosity. All of this definitely points in the direction of Ford having NPD.

I would also like to point this out: "causing him to ride an endless see-saw between dizzying ego and plummeting insecurity". People with NPD tend to be incredibly insecure. Narcissism is a compensatory mechanism. This line in particular is what solidified, in my mind, Ford having NPD. When people with NPD don't receive the supply they need, or their belief in their superiority is challenged in some way, they experience what is called a 'collapse', in which they do exactly that. They see-saw between dizzying ego and plummeting insecurity. It also highlights the unstable nature of cluster B disorders, since they're characterised specifically by eccentric, dramatic, and overly emotional behaviours, with difficulty regulating emotions and maintaining stability in relationships.

I would also like to bring up the concept of chosen people and equal people. CHPs and EPs are, to a narcissist, a similar concept of a favourite person (FP) in BPD. A chosen person is a person who someone with NPD values above other people. They may value the supply this person gives them and see them as special, but this differs from an equal person because the pwNPD may not see them as equal to themselves. If I had to say Ford has a CHP, it would probably be Dipper or Fiddleford, though I believe Fiddleford is more of an EP to Ford. An equal person (EP) is again, similar to a CHP, but the pwNPD idealises and values this person much more and sees them as an equal to themselves.

That's about as simply as I can put it, but as you can see, Ford aligns with MANY narcissistic traits, and I believe they go beyond subclinical narcissism, although I am not a professional and I'm just some guy with autism and NPD and too much knowledge on psychology who relates a little too much to Ford and has watched Gravity Falls more than twenty times just for him.

All in all, I believe Ford was written with NPD in mind and if he wasn't, he's probably the best accidental representation I've ever seen. I certainly relate to him a lot.

Also, please don't use this as a reason to hate on him. NPD is heavily demonised and just because Ford fits the criteria doesn't automatically make him evil. Please, please, please don't believe that LOL.

Every noise feels like pain from exposed nerve ending

What do i do

I don't know what to do. Taking melatonin doesnt help, in fact it makes it worse. It makes me tired enough to fall asleep (I usually already am though) but I can never stay asleep no matter how hard I try and it's like my mind becomes so noisy. I wake up at least four times every night and it takes me hours of tossing and turning to fall back asleep each time. The worst part about it is that when I'm supposed to be awake I keep falling back asleep, and I'm exhausted all day to the point I barely have the energy to speak or stay stood up and it's been like this for months, maybe even years. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so sick of waking up that the thought of going to sleep just stresses me out more.