u/Arbitrary_Sadist

Honestly, the more I look around, irl or online, the worse things actually are. People genuinely believe there is this echo chamber of red-pillers and misogynists who get their beliefs about women from nowhere. This simply isn't true; the beliefs are created and based on the things people have seen and observed. Nevertheless, I am not here to talk on behalf of anyone but myself, and the more I look around, at the Muslim youth and Muslim social media, the worse the situation has become.

There is a huge genre now of women who wear full makeup, beautify themselves, and post thirst traps on social media. This has led to the rise of the "hijabi" category in pornographic circles. It's actually disgusting, and literally sisters have to hold themselves accountable for this, because no one is to blame for this other than themselves. I remember recently seeing a video of this looksmaxxer, and he is a known playboy with absolutely 0 regard for women, but a hijabi came up to him to take a photo, and he put his arm around her.

When he realised what he did, he immediately apologised. The craziest thing, however, was firstly how a Muslim woman came up to take a picture with a guy like him, and secondly how she didn't even mind him touching her. This is literally someone else's wife, and the fact that a kafir felt more shame than her just goes to show how absolutely shameless some of these sisters are.

Regarding such women, the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said:

> "The worst of your women unveil their beauty, take pride in their appearance, and they are hypocrites. None of them will enter Paradise except as rarely as you see a red-beaked crow."

And Umar (RA) said:

> "The foulest of women is As-Salfa'. The immodest woman who mixes with men and is not shy from them."

And look, this is one end of the spectrum. We can dismiss those women as non-religious and non-practising. Although, to be honest, many of them openly show themselves to be somewhat practising Muslims.

Now, on the other end of the spectrum, we have this new wave of Muslim women who cover their faces, wear masks, not even a proper niqab, and under the guise of giving dawah interact with non-mahram men. There are clips I have seen of such women literally laughing with the men they interact with. I have seen other clips of them getting emotional and using crude language as well.

Muslim Lantern, a very famous Muslim dawah guy, made a video on this recent phenomenon of Muslim women getting into dawah and basically interacting with non-mahram men and using it as a platform to gain fame, he condemned this and gave evidences from the Qur'an and Sunnah as to how this is haram.

And if you think about it, this type of woman, deep down, is very much the same as the one who wears a hijab and posts thirst traps for men. Because both, in the end, want attention and fame.

In addition to this, these women are literally laypeople like you and me doing this. Most of their talking points are taken from other, more famous Muslim dawah guys. So honestly, as Muslims, we have to condemn this shamelessness on both sides. If you just sit quietly on this, it's genuinely harmful to society as a whole.

I recall a quote from a famous person who, on the topic of Western women's immodesty, mentioned how the main causes behind it were twofold: firstly, the nature of women and their desire to want to be seen, and secondly, the lack of men stopping them at a certain point. If you look at how the dress of secular Western women has transitioned since the 1920s, you can see how more and more shamelessness has increased, and it's primarily because the men didn't stop their women, and the women kept pushing the boundaries.

Likewise is the case now with Muslim societies as well. The one saving grace we have is the clear commands from Allah (SWT) Himself that make it mandatory for women to cover. This is literally the only thing preventing our societies from following their route, and despite the command of Allah Himself, look at the shortcuts so many of these women are finding.

So the least one can do is openly condemn such stuff.

It's quite interesting how marriage has shifted from something that was an absolute survival and societal demand to basically something that is desire-based. Now young men, and especially young women, view marriage primarily through the lens of desire before functionality.

Many modern day women in particular have such a flawed and distorted view of their own market value, and the kinds of guys they feel attracted to, and actually want. And when they are unable to find, and for those who even find them, unable to keep these guys, they resort to staying away from marriage as a whole. There is such a large group of Muslim women now who have 0 desire for marriage.

Now firstly let me clarify, marriage is a human need; men and women both need it, so anyone who claims they don't "need to marry", there is something wrong with them. It could be due to their experiences with men, or it could be due to them indulging in haram or having distorted expectations or whatever, but there is fundamentally something wrong with someone who feels no need or desire to marry.

The other thing is, if you are a woman who wants to remain single for the rest of your life, you are literally and figuratively a heavy load on society. Think about it, a man can be single but still contribute positively to society through his profession, but as a woman, what exactly are you doing? Any profession you can do, another man who is likely unemployed due to a lack of vacancies can do (better). So what is your contribution to society? The answer is nothing; in fact, you are a literally wasting precious resources of society and humanity and not contributing anything at all.

The job of men is to build the known world, and the job of women is to raise the next generation. If anyone doesn't do that job, they are a burden on society. It doesn't matter whether you are a man or a woman. As a man, if you are unemployed, sit in front of your computer all day and spend time playing games and watching stuff all the time, you are a burden too.

So women who choose to remain childless or not marry are basically the female version of this.

Now getting back to the main point of my post, and that is, due to the shift in marriage becoming primarily a desire-based pursuit rather than a societal need, it has led to elevated standards amongst people, in particular your average woman. This also affects guys too, and it would be unfair to point only to women here, although given their hypergamous nature it definitely has a greater effect on them.

But in general both men and women are searching for the perfect "the one", because they are approaching marriage from a desire-based lens. For the record, men have basically always approached marriage through this POV, as a man's only real interest in a woman is through sex. So attraction and desire to him are very important, but the baseline for what a man finds "attractive" is a lot lower than vice versa, so men will find the majority of women attractive despite the inflation in expectations caused by social media affecting both genders.

However for women, it's a genuine recipe for disaster and misery, because being average, you will never be able to bag the 10/10 guy; it's never gonna happen. You have to be exceptional to get such a guy, and if we are taking it from an Islamic POV, for him to be religious and God-fearing on top of that, it's like digging for a diamond in the depths of the Earth.

So women have to lower their expectations, for the sake of their own happiness as well as for the welfare of society overall. If you want a happily married life and a long stable relationship like your parents have had, you have to think like they did.

And the other thing if someone says today, "Why should I lower my expectations?", it's because you are out of touch with reality.

If you look at the entire reason a woman can even transition from security-based partner-seeking to desire-based partner-seeking for marriage is due to the luxury and convenience of modern-day life built by men.

So if lots of men are single, and there are lots of women who are single, inevitably society will collapse and it will suffer. These conveniences will decline and things will go back to how they used to be. Civilisations never go in a single upward trajectory in terms of advancements and developments. Anyone familiar with history knows that after long periods of war comes peace, and after long periods of peace and comfort come extreme hardship and struggle. It's a wave that goes up and down, and even Muslims, whose very religion teaches this fact, seem to have forgotten that and don't deeply reflect on it.

Hence why you see the rise in Muslim feminists who think they can do without men and don't need them. 50 years down the line, when society is in ruins due to these very individuals, you will never find a single feminist. These feminists' ancestors were traditionalists because they understood the reality of the world, and their descendants (if they even manage to have any) will be traditionalists also, whether by compulsion or willingness.

Hence my advice would be for everyone to stop searching for the "perfect" spouse but rather search for the one that will just do, as long as they fulfil the baseline requirements of religiosity.

If you want a good partner and a stable marriage, this is the first step towards it.