u/Articulity

Im a 20 year old male and I’m running on borrowed time. I don’t know how to change. my entire life has been a mess for as long as I can remember.

My current situation:

520 Credit score

~20k in credit card debt

Going through a breakup after 5 years in a relationship. (This was yesterday and is NOT in anyway shape or form the reason for my dysfunction)

I don’t shower, I don’t brush my teeth, I don’t eat healthy and I don’t exercise and I scroll on my phone all day long doing fuck all.

I am high in neuroticism (99th percentile) and low in conscientiousness (13th percentile). Due to mental health issues I’ve dropped out of 2 semesters and now my financial aid has been revoked (I can appeal, but I’m a lazy piece of shit and I want to fix that)

I enjoy computers. I love programming, philosophy, math and physics. but I can’t get myself to actually do anything I like. Nowadays the thought of opening a math book or programming a piece of software makes me shutter, but so too does going to the grocery store or brushing my teeth. I‘m not an idiot, I know intellectually what I need to do but I don’t understand why I can’t do it.

I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. I’ve tried therapy, I end up not going after a while. I tried CBT and DBT by myself, doesn’t work. I tried getting out of my grandparents house (where I live) and see if maybe getting away from comfort would help, nope, almost became homeless. I’ve tried getting rid of all my devices. But here’s the thing. It doesn’t help with anything other than making me read or program more. It doesn’t make me exercise, it doesn’t make me go outside and try and make friends. It doesn’t help me shower or brush my teeth. All I do is procrastinate all my life away but instead of Youtube shorts I read lol.

I don’t know what will help me at this point. I honestly think I’m too dysfunctional to even count as human. I’m starting to view myself as a disease or a mistake. I need help.

I have a 9950x3D, 64GB of DDR5 RAM and 1TB SSD and 4TB HDD. Looking to make a mini PC. I want good temps and in the smallest possible form. No GPU as of now but should have space for a Low profile one or regular one in the future.

My budget is $400.

Looking to spend about $150 - $300 a decent mini PC. 100% willing to spend willing to negotiate and spend above that IF the cpu is better OR there is more RAM..

Required specs:

CPU: N100 or better

GPU: Optional, but if it comes with one that’s cool.

RAM: 16GB - 32GB (DDR4 or DDR5)

Includes power cable

Storage is optional

PM here before messaging me, anything I didn’t say optional too I am not negotiating.

if you are local my zip code is 34951, meet at police station.

Lately I have been wondering why my cognitive abilities change throughout the day and week so much. I am not certain whether it is my perception of my intelligence that changes, and thus influencing my actual ability, or if it’s my actual ability that is changing and perception has nothing to do with it. I’m very self aware, and I spend a lot of time in my head. This is something that has been bugging me for a while. This morning I ate a healthy protein packed breakfast and yet I felt like I couldn’t think at all. Later in the day (evening?) my head seemed to clear a little and I’m all of a sudden the smartest person in the room and can hold a bunch of info on my head and juggle complex ideas and remember everything and argue at the speed of light. The thing that made me wonder if I’m an idiot earlier is now trivial. It makes NO sense to me at all. It’s incredibly frustrating because it interferes with my schooling and job. I want to pursue a PhD in my field of interest and that’s hard to do when you are an idiot 5/7 days of the week. I have no idea what my IQ is. I think I took one matrix reasoning test and scored 120 from a mensa site. I don’t think of myself as smart. I’m solidly average most likely. But my cognitive performance day to day is hard to ignore.

I was diagnosed with ADHD a while back. But stimulant medication doesn’t actually do anything besides give me insomnia and mae me high. I am also not really convinced I have ADHD, since the “test” was just a questionnaire. I do find there to be noticeable issues with my working memory when trying to learn complicated things but when I pause, and attempt to recall what I read, I notice I have retained a lot more than I thought even if it didn’t fit into my working memory, and it doesn’t stop me from grasping the concepts.

I just want to know if anyone here has any insights or ideas on what might be affecting my brain everyday.

Lately I have been wondering why my cognitive abilities change throughout the day and week so much. I am not certain whether it is my perception of my intelligence that changes, and thus influencing my actual ability, or if it’s my actual ability that is changing and perception has nothing to do with it. I’m very self aware, and I spend a lot of time in my head. This is something that has been bugging me for a while. This morning I ate a healthy protein packed breakfast and yet I felt like I couldn’t think at all. Later in the day (evening?) my head seemed to clear a little and I’m all of a sudden the smartest person in the room and can hold a bunch of info on my head and juggle complex ideas and remember everything and argue at the speed of light. The thing that made me wonder if I’m an idiot earlier is now trivial. It makes NO sense to me at all. It’s incredibly frustrating because it interferes with my schooling and job. I want to pursue a PhD in my field of interest and that’s hard to do when you are an idiot 5/7 days of the week. I have no idea what my IQ is. I think I took one matrix reasoning test and scored 120 from a mensa site. I don’t think of myself as smart. I’m solidly average most likely. But my cognitive performance day to day is hard to ignore.

I was diagnosed with ADHD a while back. But stimulant medication doesn’t actually do anything besides give me insomnia and mae me high. I am also not really convinced I have ADHD, since the “test” was just a questionnaire. I do find there to be noticeable issues with my working memory when trying to learn complicated things but when I pause, and attempt to recall what I read, I notice I have retained a lot more than I thought even if it didn’t fit into my working memory, and it doesn’t stop me from grasping the concepts.

I just want to know if anyone here has any insights or ideas on what might be affecting my brain everyday.

My budget is $500

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9950x3D - $510 shipped or $550 Cash

5080 - $1200 Shipped or $1100 Cash

4090 - $1950 - $2100 Cash only

34951 is my zip code.

Looking to spend $500 shipped! Need ASAP please