I did my duty, yet I’m in trouble…
Hi all. This is going to be a lengthy rant as I need to see if I’m loosing my marbles as the last few years have been a special kind of hell I’d never imagine I’d find myself in.
So when I was very young my Mum and I have always been very close and then my Dad passed in my teens. She did her very best to ensure I completed my engineering studies and I did everything I could to support her. We owned our home fully but I covered all the bills and even took her on every holiday possible. I love my Mum dearly.
Towards 2018, the stress of work and my health had severely deteriorated - my weight was now well over 200kg and I’m classed as super morbid obese. I traded my health to keep my programming job going to keep us as comfortable as possible.
However I had a mental health crisis, and we had been looking for a buyer since 2014. That went through in 2018 and we moved to an apartment. This is when her dementia started to present itself.
Minor lapses in 2019 has progressed to her having a conversation and forgetting most of it in 20 minutes. We watch a TV episode and she’s forgotten specifics by the next episode, so I have to recap every so often.
In 2023 I had respiratory failure and was brought back to the living in the ICU and slapped with a $20k bill. Gee thanks.
Thai is where it falls apart. I’m at risk of dying at any point so I’ve pooled all my life savings with our combined inheritance. And I’ve very carefully done a multibank investment strategy to ensure we get a decent return.
However mistakes were made at the time of the house was sold and she refused to take my advice and some of her actions lead to wasting / misspending $50-100k in wrong directions. I’m the “child” so I’m always dismissed or told to shut up. This dynamic has been there since I was 10.
Whenever I advise, I’m shot down. And now we come to the car. I used part of my inheritance to pay for her car and register it in her name. Last year she has hit the bumper and driven over boulders to the point where I’m paying $6k in repairs. Just this year we are back at $6 in more damages and yesterday she rear ended a family.
I’ve been stern today saying she could drive someone over and she wouldn’t have it. She put it in reverse and confused the pedals.
Today was a lengthy argument and some of it went through to her but she just doesn’t want to give up control.
Hates that I do all the accounts, schedule her Drs appointments.
And now I’m stuck too out of the lack of vision. I popped my savings and life planning to give her the care she needs. Never to separate and move her to another place. But if she wants this so badly, then it’s going to be a mess.
Splitting everything means we’ll loose the apartment which is large and comfortable. And I don’t know how if we split it all. How she’s going to afford the staff she wants to employ.
It’s past 1am and I’m burnt out from this and so many other issues regarding an estate I inherited from my dad. 3.5 Acres of land. For this as well she has done crazy things and I’m stuck with a caretaker refusing to leave now. Ultimately, I’ll have to pay him $1,000 or more just to leave, as he has been causing problems.
As you guessed it - Mum does things, hires people with no care or thought process. And I’ve been endlessly mopping up her messes.
TL;DR I just feel let down. I trusted and dedicated my life to be a responsible son as my Dad would have wanted to and in a million years I would never imagined she would treat me with so little regard. Yes, I know it’s her personality change with the dementia - but she says nasty things that cut really deep.
Lately I don’t feel like I can take many more weeks of this nightmare.