u/Artistic_Clerk_7115

Mein Mann möchte diesen Sommer mit unserem Baby für zwei Wochen zu seinen Eltern nach Süditalien fahren.

Das Problem ist: Die Vorstellung, dort im Haus seiner Eltern zu wohnen, überfordert mich ehrlich gesagt postpartum total. Es gibt kaum Privatsphäre, nicht mal wirklich eine gute Schlafsituation für uns und das Baby, und ich war dort letztes Mal emotional schon sehr erschöpft. Seine Eltern sind eigentlich freundlich, aber die Familiendynamik ist sehr intensiv und emotional eher wenig feinfühlig.

Zur Einordnung: Seine Eltern waren schon 3 Wochen nach der Geburt bei uns in Deutschland zu Besuch. Sie hatten zwar ein Hotel, waren aber trotzdem täglich ungefähr 12 Stunden bei uns in der Wohnung — eine ganze Woche lang. Ich habe meinem Mann damals gesagt, dass mir das körperlich und emotional zu viel ist, aber er hat es nicht geschafft, Grenzen zu kommunizieren oder die Situation etwas zu steuern.

Vor einer Woche meinte er dann, wir könnten vielleicht in der leeren Wohnung seines Bruders nebenan wohnen, was für mich nach einem super Kompromiss klang. Seitdem hat er seinen Bruder aber immer noch nicht gefragt oder irgendetwas organisiert, obwohl die Reise näher rückt.

Das Ganze ist Teil eines größeren Musters: Ich habe oft das Gefühl, die emotionale und organisatorische Verantwortung tragen zu müssen. Und wenn ich Themen erneut anspreche, wird es schnell als „Nörgeln“ wahrgenommen.

Mittlerweile merke ich, dass ich emotional auf Distanz gehe, weil ich mich gerade in dieser vulnerablen postpartum Zeit einfach nicht wirklich getragen fühle.

Bin ich unreasonable, weil ich vor der Reise klare Planung und etwas privaten Raum brauche?

My husband wants us to spend two weeks this summer with his parents in southern Italy with our young baby (3 months).

The issue is: staying in their house feels overwhelming to me postpartum. There’s very little privacy, they don’t even really have a proper sleeping setup for us + the baby, and last time I already felt emotionally exhausted there. His parents are kind, but the family dynamic is very intense and emotionally not very communicative.

There’s also some background here: his parents already visited us in Germany when I was only 3 weeks postpartum. They stayed in a hotel, but still spent around 12 hours a day at our apartment for an entire week. At the time I already told my husband it was too much for me physically and emotionally, but he never really managed to communicate boundaries to them or adjust the situation.

A week ago my husband suggested maybe we could stay in his brother’s empty apartment nearby instead, which honestly sounded like a great compromise to me. But since then he still hasn’t actually asked his brother or organized anything, even though the trip is getting close.

This is part of a larger pattern where I feel like I have to push/manage practical and emotional things, and when I remind him, he experiences it as “complaining” or pressure.

Now I notice myself becoming emotionally distant because I feel hurt and unsupported, especially during postpartum / parental leave when I already feel vulnerable.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting concrete plans + some private space before agreeing to this trip? How would you handle this dynamic without escalating the relationship?

My husband wants us to spend two weeks this summer with his parents in southern Italy with our young baby (3 months).

Tl;dr
The issue is: staying in their house feels overwhelming to me postpartum. There’s very little privacy, they don’t even really have a proper sleeping setup for us + the baby, and last time I already felt emotionally exhausted there. His parents are kind, but the family dynamic is very intense and emotionally not very communicative.

There’s also some background here: his parents already visited us in Germany when I was only 3 weeks postpartum. They stayed in a hotel, but still spent around 12 hours a day at our apartment for an entire week. At the time I already told my husband it was too much for me physically and emotionally, but he never really managed to communicate boundaries to them or adjust the situation.

A week ago my husband suggested maybe we could stay in his brother’s empty apartment nearby instead, which honestly sounded like a great compromise to me. But since then he still hasn’t actually asked his brother or organized anything, even though the trip is getting close.

This is part of a larger pattern where I feel like I have to push/manage practical and emotional things, and when I remind him, he experiences it as “complaining” or pressure.

Now I notice myself becoming emotionally distant because I feel hurt and unsupported, especially during postpartum / parental leave when I already feel vulnerable.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting concrete plans + some private space before agreeing to this trip? How would you handle this dynamic without escalating the relationship?

My husband wants us to spend two weeks this summer with his parents in southern Italy with our young baby (3 months).

The issue is: staying in their house feels overwhelming to me postpartum. There’s very little privacy, they don’t even really have a proper sleeping setup for us + the baby, and last time I already felt emotionally exhausted there. His parents are kind, but the family dynamic is very intense and emotionally not very communicative.

There’s also some background here: his parents already visited us in Germany when I was only 3 weeks postpartum. They stayed in a hotel, but still spent around 12 hours a day at our apartment for an entire week. At the time I already told my husband it was too much for me physically and emotionally, but he never really managed to communicate boundaries to them or adjust the situation.

A week ago my husband suggested maybe we could stay in his brother’s empty apartment nearby instead, which honestly sounded like a great compromise to me. But since then he still hasn’t actually asked his brother or organized anything, even though the trip is getting close.

This is part of a larger pattern where I feel like I have to push/manage practical and emotional things, and when I remind him, he experiences it as “complaining” or pressure.

Now I notice myself becoming emotionally distant because I feel hurt and unsupported, especially during postpartum / parental leave when I already feel vulnerable.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting concrete plans + some private space before agreeing to this trip? How would you handle this dynamic without escalating the relationship?