u/Aslan_555

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G'day, my name’s Aslan, I’m 23, and I’m an Aussie Man who’s completely broken emotionally by everything in my life, especially by my dad. I’m the product of my dad raping my mum. When she got pregnant, they forced her to marry him,she was 18 and he was 23. My dad was always abusive to her and me. My mum just hated me, though I get why. She walked out on us when I was 8 and I haven't heard a peep from her since. From then on, my dad tortured me for years. I was a really active kid, so I got put into figure skating. I turned out to be bloody good at it, which ended up being my own grave. My dad saw he could make a buck off me, so he made me train for about 10 hours every single day. He’d beat me and rag on me whenever my performance dropped even a bit, and he strictly rationed my food,I could only have around 500 calories a day. I was stuck like that for years, and from the time I was 12 to 16, he sexually abused me too.

When I was 16, a training accident broke my back, which was fatal for my career. He was so furious with me that when I got discharged from the hospital, he bashed me so hard he broke my leg just to make sure I couldn't run away. Once my health "improved" and I could stand up again, he just dragged me straight back to training. I couldn't stop winning competitions. I had fame, I was good-looking, and I’ve always been really sweet and affectionate, which my dad knew how to market bloody well. But I wasn't allowed any luxuries or care, all the cash went to him for drugs, booze, and bringing hookers home. By the time I hit 20, nothing was getting better, but I managed to get a scholarship to train in Spain. I moved there for two years and lived on my own for the first time in my life. And wow, I just blew up. I quit the sport in the worst way possible, swearing out everyone who’d ever treated me like rubbish. I came back to Australia and kicked my dad out of the house ,a house he’d bought with my money. I threatened to kill him if he didn't rack off. He took all my money, but I didn't give a stuff. I was in my own home, alone and peaceful for the very first time. I went out to the yard where my horses were and just went for a ride. When I got back inside, I looked in the mirror properly for the first time. I was completely wrecked. I'm 187 cm (6'1") and I weighed under 55 kg (121 lbs), you could literally see the bones in my skull. I’ve been seeing doctors since then. Physically, I’ve got stunted growth, bulimia nervosa, anaemia, severe malnutrition, and osteoporosis. As for the mental side, I haven't seen a psychologist yet,I honestly reckon there’s nothing left to fix in me. I hate my life. I spend all day at home with my horses, I don't want to do anything else, ever, and I hate everything. Sometimes I just think about giving up and dying

I'm sorry for being negative, I'm so sorry

G'day, my name’s Aslan, I’m 23, and I’m an Aussie Man who’s completely broken emotionally by everything in my life, especially by my dad. I’m the product of my dad raping my mum. When she got pregnant, they forced her to marry him,she was 18 and he was 23. My dad was always abusive to her and me. My mum just hated me, though I get why. She walked out on us when I was 8 and I haven't heard a peep from her since. From then on, my dad tortured me for years. I was a really active kid, so I got put into figure skating. I turned out to be bloody good at it, which ended up being my own grave. My dad saw he could make a buck off me, so he made me train for about 10 hours every single day. He’d beat me and rag on me whenever my performance dropped even a bit, and he strictly rationed my food,I could only have around 500 calories a day. I was stuck like that for years, and from the time I was 12 to 16, he sexually abused me too.

When I was 16, a training accident broke my back, which was fatal for my career. He was so furious with me that when I got discharged from the hospital, he bashed me so hard he broke my leg just to make sure I couldn't run away. Once my health "improved" and I could stand up again, he just dragged me straight back to training. I couldn't stop winning competitions. I had fame, I was good-looking, and I’ve always been really sweet and affectionate, which my dad knew how to market bloody well. But I wasn't allowed any luxuries or care, all the cash went to him for drugs, booze, and bringing hookers home. By the time I hit 20, nothing was getting better, but I managed to get a scholarship to train in Spain. I moved there for two years and lived on my own for the first time in my life. And wow, I just blew up. I quit the sport in the worst way possible, swearing out everyone who’d ever treated me like rubbish. I came back to Australia and kicked my dad out of the house ,a house he’d bought with my money. I threatened to kill him if he didn't rack off. He took all my money, but I didn't give a stuff. I was in my own home, alone and peaceful for the very first time. I went out to the yard where my horses were and just went for a ride. When I got back inside, I looked in the mirror properly for the first time. I was completely wrecked. I'm 187 cm (6'1") and I weighed under 55 kg (121 lbs), you could literally see the bones in my skull. I’ve been seeing doctors since then. Physically, I’ve got stunted growth, bulimia nervosa, anaemia, severe malnutrition, and osteoporosis. As for the mental side, I haven't seen a psychologist yet,I honestly reckon there’s nothing left to fix in me. I hate my life. I spend all day at home with my horses, I don't want to do anything else, ever, and I hate everything. Sometimes I just think about giving up and dying

What should I do?

I'm sorry for being negative, I'm so sorry

G'day, my name’s Aslan, I’m 23, and I’m an Aussie Man who’s completely broken emotionally by everything in my life, especially by my dad. I’m the product of my dad raping my mum. When she got pregnant, they forced her to marry him,she was 18 and he was 23. My dad was always abusive to her and me. My mum just hated me, though I get why. She walked out on us when I was 8 and I haven't heard a peep from her since. From then on, my dad tortured me for years. I was a really active kid, so I got put into figure skating. I turned out to be bloody good at it, which ended up being my own grave. My dad saw he could make a buck off me, so he made me train for about 10 hours every single day. He’d beat me and rag on me whenever my performance dropped even a bit, and he strictly rationed my food,I could only have around 500 calories a day. I was stuck like that for years, and from the time I was 12 to 16, he sexually abused me too.

When I was 16, a training accident broke my back, which was fatal for my career. He was so furious with me that when I got discharged from the hospital, he bashed me so hard he broke my leg just to make sure I couldn't run away. Once my health "improved" and I could stand up again, he just dragged me straight back to training. I couldn't stop winning competitions. I had fame, I was good-looking, and I’ve always been really sweet and affectionate, which my dad knew how to market bloody well. But I wasn't allowed any luxuries or care, all the cash went to him for drugs, booze, and bringing hookers home. By the time I hit 20, nothing was getting better, but I managed to get a scholarship to train in Spain. I moved there for two years and lived on my own for the first time in my life. And wow, I just blew up. I quit the sport in the worst way possible, swearing out everyone who’d ever treated me like rubbish. I came back to Australia and kicked my dad out of the house ,a house he’d bought with my money. I threatened to kill him if he didn't rack off. He took all my money, but I didn't give a stuff. I was in my own home, alone and peaceful for the very first time. I went out to the yard where my horses were and just went for a ride. When I got back inside, I looked in the mirror properly for the first time. I was completely wrecked. I'm 187 cm (6'1") and I weighed under 55 kg (121 lbs), you could literally see the bones in my skull. I’ve been seeing doctors since then. Physically, I’ve got stunted growth, bulimia nervosa, anaemia, severe malnutrition, and osteoporosis. As for the mental side, I haven't seen a psychologist yet,I honestly reckon there’s nothing left to fix in me. I hate my life. I spend all day at home with my horses, I don't want to do anything else, ever, and I hate everything. Sometimes I just think about giving up and dying

I'm sorry for being negative, I'm so sorry

Okay, breve resumen, cuando salí del clóset estuvo todo "bien", mi madre no puso en general ninguna pega. Eso suena bien, ¿Verdad?, bueno, mi transición ha sido llevada por ELLA, enteramente. Decidí que en el colegio que estaba en ese momento, que yo estaba cursando la secundaria, no quería salir del clóset con mis compañeros, porque la mitad eran nazis y la otra mitad fachas, me quería ahorrar el bullying de ese año, ya que el siguiente año ya cambiaba de colegio. Ella decidió que yo DEBIA salir del clóset en clase, "porque era lo mejor para mí", le insisti

Que no era buena idea . Ella mandó un comunicado sacándome del clóset, donde efectivamente, sufrí bullying un año entero (ya lo sufría de antes, pero este año fue especialmente duro). Cuando comencé a tramitar el cambio de nombre y de sexo en mi DNI, ELLA eligió mi nombre, me dijo literalmente "No te voy a llamar como tú quieras, llevarás el nombre de tu padre si quieres que te llame de una manera masculina", yo ya llevaba el nombre de mi padre, su versión femenina, claro. Yo no quería llevar el nombre de mi padre porque no tengo una buena relación con el, para cuando estaba pensando esto, el me abandonó, así que considero NORMAL no querer llevar su nombre. Aún así me sentí obligado y ahora llevo el nombre de mi padre legalmente. Cuando quise empezar con T, ella dijo que NO, entonces, yo simplemente acepté empezar T cuando fuese mayor de edad, de un día para otro, ella decidió que YO debía empezar T YA, lo movió todo para poder obtenerla, yo en ese momento estaba pasando por un tratamiento de medicación para el acné, quería terminarlo primero antes de empezar T, porque de verdad que tenía mucho acné y no estaba preparado para otra pubertad. Pero, sorpresa, consiguió T para mí (estaba agradecido eh, no soy un monstruo), pero me OBLIGO a pausar mi tratamiento y me coloco la T de inmediato, efectivamente, tuve nuevamente brotes de acné brutales, a lo que ella respondió como: "Te dije que T no era seguro, ahora mira tu piel hecha un asco", y yo pensaba "Pero si fuiste tú quién me consiguió esto y estaba todo correcto para tí!?"

Ahora llevo como un año 4 meses en T, llevo años suplicando con que quiero hacer deporte, ella no me dejaba. Ahora, ella decidió que DEBO hacer deporte, pero YA en este momento. Obviamente me obligó, pero literalmente me pone a hacer ejercicios que yo no puedo hacer por mi discapacidad (tengo un trasplante de corazón), cuando acabo las rutinas que me obliga a hacer, mi piel se torna azulada y mi saturación baja a un 85%, cuando lo normal ronda el 95-100%.

Resumo, tengo que hacer las cosas cuando ella quiera, como ella quiera y cuando ella diga.

Recalcó que adoro a mi madre, pero siento que esto no está bien...

Todo aquello a lo que ella me obligó a hacer de inmediato, a cosas que aún yo no estaba preparado, me paso factura en mi salud física y mental.