u/Automatic-Bell7744

So I am starting to work with Lilith. I have had a connection on and off with her for many years; my earliest experience of her was when I was 7 or 8 years old. I never actually began to pray to her until now. Yesterday I ordered some candles and an altar cloth, along with a statue and a ritual bowl and I’m planning on making a portable altar in the back of my car.

Tonight I was meditating in my bedroom, had a YouTube video meditation thing going on. As I listened to the enn chanting I felt an energy unlike anything I’ve felt before. It was RAW feminine rage! Mind you I’m a guy, so it wasn’t coming from me. I just felt this enormous energy full of hate and anger towards all the men who’ve abused and mistreated women. Especially towards those who’ve SA women and girls. This energy/force filled me with rage and when it was over I was breathing heavy.

HOLY SHIT was it intense! I’m assuming this was her? I mean it’s pretty obvious it was Lilith, it’s got to be. I mean I’ve had rageful moments like this before and yea it’s possible that I was just making it up in my head but the things I felt I wanted to do to these people were FUCKED UP. And it was a distinctly female energy. It felt powerful and terrifying. The best way I could describe it was like a red flame with enormous black raven like wings.

Has anyone had a similar experience? I’m always second guessing myself, even when I have religious experiences. I’m very much a “doubting Thomas”. I need concrete signs to verify stuff. I’m pretty sure this was her, but I can’t be sure cause this also matches up with what I imagine her to be like. I’ve also had smaller experiences with her being more seductive and devious(?) towards me. It’s hard to know what’s in my head and what’s not. Although I have found that since I’ve started doing shadow work I’ve began to remember previous memories and when I was younger I had vivid dreams and talked to entities in my head.

Sorry if this is a lot, I’m just trying to get a lot of this off my chest and out of my head onto paper(or digital paper I guess lol). What do you guys think?

Last month I asked what I should do regarding setting up an altar. My current living situation doesn’t give me the option to set up an altar in my house. I now have a follow up question. What about setting up a portable shrine in my car? Is that even a thing? I feel like that would be a possible way for me to circumnavigate this problem since I could easily take a portable altar/idol/candles, etc. and bring them to the back yard at night to try and communicate with Lilith. Likewise, what is this subs opinion on ouija boards? Is this a possible way to communicate with her? I’ve tried meditations and all I really get are feelings. Like I feel her presence but I don’t know how to talk to her. I’ll ask questions in my head but I don’t really get a verbal response. Oftentimes I’ll feel a vibration on the left side of my forehead, almost as though she’s scratching my head affectionately. That’s been awesome, but I’d like to hear her voice and actually ask her things. I have so many questions I’d like her answers to.

TLDR; Are portable shrines a thing? Is it possible to communicate with Lilith using an ouija board?

I’ve heard this is a nonjudgmental subreddit and I need to get this off my chest so here goes nothing.

I’m 25 yrs old. Male. Heterosexual.

I’ve struggled with a part of myself for many years now. I am immensely attracted to strong/confident women but I can’t seem to accept this about myself.

I’ve always had a thing for femme fatales/dark feminine energy in women. Think Cleopatra, Poison Ivy, Lilith, you get the idea. Yet I’m also terrified of women like them. I’ve always seen these sexually liberated women as something that’s taboo. Up until recently I’ve believed that feminism is against the “natural order” of things. And honestly I still haven’t completely unconvinced myself of that.

I grew up in a conservative family with traditional religious values. If I psychoanalyze myself I guess that would probably be where it stems from. Although to be honest, my parents were very open minded and I talked freely about pretty much anything. “The talk” was honestly a healthy discussion and not everyone has had that I realize.

I really don’t know where this comes from. I feel guilty whenever I have thoughts about liking a more “sexually liberated” woman.

I’m also afraid of sex. I’m still a virgin and the thought of losing my virginity scares me. It’s not that I don’t want to have sex, I certainly do, but I just have this irrational fear of giving myself completely to someone else. Almost like a fear of ego death. I’m afraid of losing myself and my masculinity(?) to a woman.

It’s this weird conflict of desires. I deeply want to love and give myself completely to someone but I’m also terrified of it. I am very much into this chivalrous notion of serving a woman, but I also don’t want to do that because that’s not a “masculine” thing to do.

I’d like to try and fix this before I start dating again because I don’t want this to be an issue in the future. If I decide to date a girl I need to make sure I am 100% committed and not get cold feet like I’ve done in the past.

Sorry if this comes off as weird or whatever. I’m just figuring out who I am I still guess. Any thoughts on this? Why am I like this? How do I fix it? I would appreciate your perspective, both guys and girls.

I’ve heard this is a nonjudgmental subreddit and I need to get this off my chest so here goes nothing.

I’m 25 yrs old. Male. Heterosexual.

I’ve struggled with a part of myself for many years now. I am immensely attracted to strong/confident women but I can’t seem to accept this about myself.

I’ve always had a thing for femme fatales/dark feminine energy in women. Think Cleopatra, Poison Ivy, Lilith, you get the idea. Yet I’m also terrified of women like them. I’ve always seen these sexually liberated women as something that’s taboo. Up until recently I’ve believed that feminism is against the “natural order” of things. And honestly I still haven’t completely unconvinced myself of that.

I grew up in a conservative family with traditional religious values. If I psychoanalyze myself I guess that would probably be where it stems from. Although to be honest, my parents were very open minded and I talked freely about pretty much anything. “The talk” was honestly a healthy discussion and not everyone has had that I realize.

I really don’t know where this comes from. I feel guilty whenever I have thoughts about liking a more “sexually liberated” woman.

I’m also afraid of sex. I’m still a virgin and the thought of losing my virginity scares me. It’s not that I don’t want to have sex, I certainly do, but I just have this irrational fear of giving myself completely to someone else. Almost like a fear of ego death. I’m afraid of losing myself and my masculinity(?) to a woman.

It’s this weird conflict of desires. I deeply want to love and give myself completely to someone but I’m also terrified of it. I am very much into this chivalrous notion of serving a woman, but I also don’t want to do that because that’s not a “masculine” thing to do.

I’d like to try and fix this before I start dating again because I don’t want this to be an issue in the future. If I decide to date a girl I need to make sure I am 100% committed and not get cold feet like I’ve done in the past.

Sorry if this comes off as weird or whatever. I’m just figuring out who I am I still guess. Any thoughts on this? Why am I like this? How do I fix it? I would appreciate your perspective, both guys and girls.