u/AvailableBid973

After my breakup, when my boyfriend left me after five years together, I completely lost myself. I have a history of Xanax addiction, and over the past few weeks I started taking it again because I felt so miserable in the relationship, even though I still had hope that we could make it work.
I work in healthcare. During the first few days after the breakup, I was surprisingly functioning relatively well, but yesterday I completely lost control. I bombarded him with messages and repeatedly called him, begging him to come back just one last time.
I’m no longer able to function properly at work. After yesterday’s breakdown, I couldn’t even go to work today. This morning I took 1 mg of Xanax, and now I’m lying in bed, hoping he’ll come to my house. I was the one who asked him to block me because I knew I couldn’t stop contacting him, but now I regret it.
I’m terrified of losing everything because I feel emotionally unstable. I’ve completely lost confidence in myself, and I’m scared that I’m losing control over my Xanax use again. I’m ashamed of who I’ve become. I’m terrified of losing my job.
I’m alone, but I don’t have the strength to reach out to my friends. All I want to do is isolate myself. The only thing I want is for him to come back and hold me one last time.
I’m scared of myself. I don’t feel like I’m functioning anymore. I’m afraid people at work will stop trusting me and that I’ll lose my responsibilities. Even when I’m at work, I can’t think about anything except this breakup.
He left me after five years together, and I keep telling myself that there must be something fundamentally wrong with me. I’m terrified of becoming addicted to Xanax again. I’m ashamed that I cried at work. I had what I believed was a promising career ahead of me, and now I’m convinced I’m going to lose it. I’m deeply ashamed of who I am.

The pain is so hard guys, i am not capable, i don't know how i will survive. He was the love of my life, the guy i wanted to have kids with. But he chooses not to fight for us, for me. It is so hard and iam emotionally overwhelmed and so anxious. We lived together for 2 years. I am scared of myself and i know i can trust myself, i am not capable of not writing to him, i am not capable of not calling him. How can i survive this ?

No judgment, I’m genuinely trying to understand the mindset behind workplace affairs.

For those who cheated with a coworker, what usually led to it?

Was it mainly attraction/opportunity, problems in the relationship, emotional validation, excitement, something else?

Hi everyone,

I’m feeling really overwhelmed and could really use some perspective.

I was on Xanax for about a year, mainly because of insomnia at first. But over time I completely lost control of it. My anxiety actually became worse between doses, and I ended up taking around 4 mg a day on average. It got to the point where I almost destroyed my relationship because of it.

A few months ago, I managed to stop, and since then I had honestly never felt better in my life. My anxiety was under control, I was sleeping well, I was running, meditating… I genuinely felt happy and stable without it.

But a few days ago, I got a new prescription (just in case), and I ended up taking it again:

2 mg one night

2 mg the next night

1 mg the following night

After taking it tonight, I felt so guilty that I threw away the rest of the pills.

Now I feel extremely guilty and scared that I’ve completely undone all my progress.

I’m also starting a new job on Monday, and I’m really worried about possible rebound anxiety or withdrawal symptoms after these 3 days. I’m especially scared that I might have insomnia again because of this.

Has anyone been through something similar?

Did you experience any withdrawal or rebound after such a short relapse?

I really don’t want to fall back into this. I was doing so well, and I’m terrified I’ve ruined everything.

Thank you for reading 🤍

(I know it might not seem like a big deal, but it was really hard for me to stop, and I was so proud of finally feeling like myself again after months off it. Now I’m really, really worried that I’ve ruined everything. I don’t even fully understand why I took them, it just scared me how easily I went back to it.)