u/BINGUSDOEDINGUSSY

recently had a date where I had a conversation with a woman about who pays I felt that in this climate and economy that it's wise to go dutch, or at least split costs, (if she drives to me, I pay for lunch or if we both meet somewhere we split it and vice versa) I said this is a good ideology I use, not because I'm broke, do pretty well for someone my age, I have a paid of 2026 Toyota, no credit card debt, no student loan debt, a good job with a good career ladder and I pay and cover all my own bills. my idea is that it takes pressure off both the man and the woman, for the man he doesn't get to feel like he's owed anything since it's even, it's also nice to not feel like uour getting used and deters people (men and woman) who use people for free dates, food or activities. and for the woman, it takes the pressure off the feeling like they have to put out. it also makes breaking it off feel more fair since no one's really used anyone.

as I told my date this she shifted and said, "Yeah... well I'm old fashion. so I would like the man to provide." I told her that's perfectly OK to have that belief and that I would accept that in a relationship ONCE we got to the point where we wanted it to be something more.. monogamous/ private, when neither of us is still out looking. she said that it made sense but that she still didn't feel like she should split paying.

I asked her then if that was the case, and the man pays and fronts all the cost. what should he expect in return as a sign of mutual effort and sacrifice front the woman (obviously no sexual favors) she looked at me and said... well, I'll bring my personality and my female energy..

I was waiting for her to say she was joking, but she didn't. I said, " ok, well, if I'm also bringing my personality and my male energy, then by her logic, we are still back to square one and that there's still an inablance. she said "well it's just different for everyone."

I asked her. "Well, it I pay for everything, drive you everywhere and make the plans.. what can I respectfully expect in return as that same energy and effort?"

she couldn't tell me. I said to her "it seems you want the old fashion dating world without any of the return effort, it's convenient for you and I won't argue that it is a pretty peachy set up you've made for yourself, I then asked if she found anyone who was willing to follow this ideology of hers."

she told me no and that men are difficult.

after this context. my question to you the viewer at home is... was I wrong? and if not. what can a guy expect in return for an effort from a girl?

I've been interviewed pretty much since 16. when I first hit the job world it was nice, welcoming, employers seemed to want you and even sometimes gave you the benefit of the doubt and or a chance, I remember I got hired as a maintenance technician at a hospital with zero experience because the boss

"didn't want to have someone with such a 'go getter' attitude to not be a part of the company."

flash forward to 2020 and beyond, and every interview feels like the interviewer is working against you. it feels like an interrogation rather than a conversation. they ask skills and qualifications, and they want to know why you want to work there, experiences, and have you ever been fired. why did you leave your last job. can you pass a drug screen? What are your strengths? what are your weaknesses.

but when I ask questions, it's almost seen as insulting, I usually ask about pay, why the position is open, and what the hours/ expectations of me are.

and it seems almost as taboo in 2026 to go somewhere with the hopes of being trained. it's a total catch 22. they don't want to have to train you, but they don't want to hire you if you don't have any experience. and they look at me as if I walked in without any pants on if I dare to ask if they are willing to train me or if there's a good career ladder to climb.

and then these companies/ people complain that all the new workers want is money. like ? DUH? your gonna treat me like an animal/ number, not give me any slack/ love, frown upon me if I don't pick up shifts or go over the top and give me MAYBE a dollar and some change over the LEGAL amount of what you can pay me and expect me to come to work with a coked up attitude and ready to dance like a circus freak for it. like? I don't care about this place. no, I'm not gonna stay late. my paycheck doesn't reflect if sales are up and down, or if shipments are in and on the shelf on time, I don't make extra when the store does. you don't give me any raise or holiday bonus, they look at you like your some monster when you use your sick leave or vacation time.

And then the schedules suck, I don't get good hours, I have to lie and say I have religious exceptions or a child/ elderly family member to take care of for them to give me any kind of consistent days off. The work hours are usually every other businesses so when I am off, I can't run to the doctor, go to the DMV, run, and grab a prescription.

like it says. I am a foreign-born person who currently lives in America. and I am worried for the people of this land. I'm not a racist, a supremacist. I don't think anyone is inherently better than others. I'm not really religious, and I'm in college for political science, hoping to get into big pocket politics.

like it says up yonder, I've been seeing a 48 year old woman for about 2 to 3 months now. and honestly? I love it.

of people give modern dating a lot of hate on both sides. and now? having dated older? I can say a lot of that hate is deserved. ofc I'm speaking from the male side of things and don't have the ability of the females point of view, so don't rip my head off for being ignorant (I'm aware)

things are going extremely well with this woman. the biggest things are probably

1.) she's no nonsense, a straight shooter: she's never played any games of "oh, I'm fine. sure you can go out with your friends, do you still love me? why do you hate me?" Whatever she says to me, I can take to the bank every time as the whole hearted god honest truth. there's no double meaning, no hidden signs or message behind tone, facial expressions, and body language. I mean, of course there is, but it all 1000% matches what she tells me. if I ask her, "Are we good?" And she says yes, I don't worry about it anymore ever at all, I've never had that experience in modern dating (Yes I'm aware that there are people who exist like that in the younger crowd but my point is its far and few between)

2.) she knows what she's wants and there's no "up in the air" moments ever: she's obviously very confident but not in a "I'm a woman hear me roar down with men and I do this for myself not you" she's confident in a way that tells me she doesn't need me in her life either way but also not in my face about it. very respectful and graceful. I ask where she wants to go for dinner, and she tells me, I ask how she feels about certain issues, and she tells meĺ go straight on. she doesn't spare feelings; doesn't worry if what she says will clash with me, because we both know that we can still like eachother so much that personal beliefs will work their way in, or they wont and we just respect that. it's refreshing to have someone not be a all or nothing, "you're either left wing with me or you're gone , and I'll never consider you." we are both on polar opposite ends of the political spectrum but not in an extremist way on either side, and we are ok with that. sure , there are blatant things we don't agree on, but we just keep liking each other and moving on. there is no more stress in my life of "oh will she like this? I better watch what I say with this! oh no, I gotta worry about keeping her interested and wanting more."

3.) we actually learn from each other on a respectful even playing field. no "Oh, I'm older, so I hold more value, or oh, I'm a woman, so I'm more oppressed, so my words carry more experience and therefore have more value than you do." we both know we don't know everything, and we go from there. I've learned so much about how women think (obviously not all women, but I know it needs to be said for the nutjobs who'll pounce on it), but it's so interesting to me. I can listen, care, and ask follow-up questions that, to some, might be obvious or even offensive/forward, but she and I don't take any offense to any of it. I've since learned how women feel about having a man over, how they feel safe, when they don't, what the excuses women use, and what they actually mean are. and she's learned so much from me as well, how guys feel about dating and money, how a guy thinks he needs to come ready to a relationship/date, and more.

4.) No social media: neither of us use almost any social media, and by that, I mean apps that have modern opinions/political issues on them. I use reddit, Instagram, and snapchat, but I don't post on any of them that often, I have all my accounts private. I don't watch any " reels" or those dating/ podcast shows. same with her, she doesn't look at any news/ TV. this has been extremely healthy for us because since we don't have social media that we really use, we don't have things to compare to our relationship.

5.) Lastly, neither of us care about the others financial/ life issues: (aka careers, college, money, car, brands we own, followers on social media, vacations we can take) we like spending time with eachother and being on a boat or in LA or some exotic stupidity expensive place or club doesn't change or improve our dates/ enjoyment. we'll have river days, go on hikes. thrift shop, drive to the coast. stay in and put on some records. do home cooked meals, board game nights, play with our pets, and more.

my point with all of this is that since I've started dating this person, I don't care about anything. I don't worry about if anyone judges me, my looks, my religious/ political beliefs if I have any. I truly can enjoy this person's company without any noise or interference from the outside world. and now, having lived like this, I feel sorry for those in modern dating.

i posted this is AMA, but you can't talk about relationships in there??? which ??? ok?

There's not much else to add. I work at a place where I am the only AMAB person who works at my job, it's part-time, very causal, and in a very mixed bag area (in terms of Liberal/ Republican. I won't revel my location is the only question I won't awnser. it's also a mixed bag of races.

since about 2019? so 6 years now I've been collecting DVDs, CDs, Cassettes Vinyl, DVD players Cassette players, turn tables. in preparation for the soon conversion when society turns to almost total digital media where you technically don't "own" anything and have to rely on constant internet connection or total subscription services to get the media you want. overall, this has cost me about 8k. I have a huge collection, and as I keep seeing more and more talk about this new world order and game companies talk about future subscriptions to play games, I feel very secure in this choice. this is a hobby for me, I would say, and I've met some amazing people in my time doing it.