u/Background_Active_36

And I mean all aspects of it. Being physically close, like standing next to someone closer than a few feet apart. Hugging us a no go. Not to mention more intimate touch. My ex made me even more repulsed by touch, since he did so way too much 🤮

It's been a year or so since I've hugged somebody. I stopped hugging once I realized it makes me very uncomfortable.

I do. realize am lucky to have people I can hug. I know there is this option. I would be happy to hug my therapist, and she offered me a hug multiple times. I just.... Couldn't. It sucks.

Funny how brain works. I couldn't give two fucks about having a partner and kids, but presenting myself as an orphan, even though both my 'parents' are alive, is kind of... Embarrassing, if that makes sense? Like I suck so much that not even my mother loves me, so here I am 💀.

It's my mother who sucks... But you get the idea.

Or worse, when they'd try to guilt trip me to break NC with another abusive family member ("mommy is sad you don't talk to her 🤮"). I had to block all ""mother's"" relatives because they'd inform her about every little thing, like my profile pictures and stuff. It may sound weird that the idea of my mother having my photos is bothering me, but it absolutely does. I don't want her to have **any** access to me and my life.

And apparently, she was abused and stuff, but still. Why would you write a public post about how you hate having kids for thousands people to see? I bet her kids loved seeing that. Seems like they're not in contact with her, anyway.

Her abusers are trash, no question. But why would she tell the world she hates her kids, plus on Mother's day, out all of the days?

Textbook case of hyperfocus I think. The thing is, do ADHD folks cook meals on regular basis, or are we all saved by protein drinks and microwave meals with rare cases of actually cooking?

We really live in a hard mode

I felt sick because of how I treated people I supposedly liked when I read old messages... Now I know it wasn't my fault. I didn't now better and only began to find out how to treat people with respect when I was an adult. And that love is real. Shocker, right...

I am still lonely because relationships are overwhelming, fear of losing people is too big and my self esteem is low, but I can proudly say I'm not an asshole anymore, because I raised myself that way. Not my parents who didn't respect nor love neither each other and their children, or anyone, at all. They just talked shit about people. They didn't use words like please, thank you, sorry, or greeting, when we came home, we didn't say say hi to other people (my classmates' mothers didn't like me because when I came in their house, I didn't say hi nor tried to interact with them in any way, I just went to the classmate's room just like what I was used to at home) and didn't teach me, either.

I thought calling people names was okay. When someone treated me with respect, I would lash out because I thought they made fun of me. So the only people that I got along with were also troubled kids and we'd low-key bullied each other (often from troubles families and with mental health issues as well).

My parents' upbringing would've make me a lifetime loner. Luckily, I learnt to do better.

Fuck you mother, for taking us to see your father that used to s_xually abuse my aunt (his own daughter). She and him continued living together until she found a boyfriend she could move to. Nobody did anything to help her. And she's scarred for life ofc.

They casually told me that one day and expected me to continue seeing him. My parents tricked me to get in the car, saying we go to see our grandmother (whom I liked and she lived separately from this man), but they stopped by his house. They thought it was funny when I got angry. I hate him so much, and I hate how normalized visiting him was. It was clear my mother wasn't comfortable with him, but still was too weak to say "Nah, you're not seeing my kids".

🖕🏻 I sincerely hope he burns in hell.