u/Balljointedbunny

I’ve been taking vyvanse since last August. I can’t help but feel like the way I react to stims just isn’t appropriate for someone with adhd. I get a dopamine rush even after a whole year and it burns out quickly. My heart thumps, I feel jittery and anxious, I can hardly focus and if anything it makes concentrating on tasks even worse. Yet I still take it because the rebound fucking sucks. I feel I’ve grown dependent on it. It’s 30mg and I feel like I’m strung out on meth, this cant be the intended response? I’m questioning if I really even have attention deficit and it seems unlikely I don’t because I struggle with task completion but at the same time such a low dose of a medication has me wired and gives me paradoxical effects

Ts cannot be permanent

I’ve been on vyvanse since last August. 30mg, was on 40mg briefly. I have heart palpitations after taking it along with anxiety even at a lower dose. It stifles me and actually makes it harder to complete tasks throughout the day. The comedowns are horrid and that’s why I stopped taking it a few years back. I keep taking it and I don’t know why because it doesn’t do what it’s supposed to. It’s made me neurotic and my ocd and rumination flairs up but I have 2-3 hours where I can accomplish a few things and that’s it, but it’s still something I need. I’ve been taking another 30mg in the evening to even out the comedown but now I feel like a junkie lol. I’m not losing sleep because of it either but the anxiety is dreadful. I’m at a loss because my executive function is shit and those first few hours are valuable (sometimes) but the costs outweigh the benefits.

I went into this thinking it was gonna be like a soap opera but these plot lines have me in TEARS. KUTNER WHY :( 💔

I don’t care that they suffer when they selfishly brought two kids into the world to suffer with them. Why did no one tell them it was a shit idea to start a family with unchecked mental illness and active addiction. Did they not have one friend that said ‘maybe this isn’t a good idea?’ I have no executive function, no guidance, I live in filth with them. I don’t feel loved or nourished all I know is agonizing together. There isn’t a more hopeless feeling. I don’t know what my future will look like because I have no positive point of reference

Spent my whole childhood observing social cues and what mannerism means what and what tone means what. It’s stuff I hyper analyzed to keep in mind. I’m more perceptive than a lot of people and I’m good at picking up what not to do or say in certain situations—but they always *know*. I can tell when I’m supposed to shut the fuck up or leave when I’m doing too much, reading the room is something I have no trouble doing. But it never prevented me from being clocked immediately as different. I wish I spent more time mimicking normalcy than just watching.