u/BasicBoredMom

Can’t trust my own judgment. Been 4 months since last DD. Been dealing with his porn addiction for 20 years. He knows I am done and is trying desperately to fix things. Seeing a sex therapist and another general therapist. Reading the books, going to the group meetings, etc. I feel stuck though and having a hard time moving past this. Can’t seem to figure out if this is worthy of divorce or if I would just deal with the same crap with the next dude. Outside of the porn use, we have a really good relationship, but if there is no trust, whats the point?!

I am really struggling to trust my own judgment here.

I have been married almost 20 years. The entire time my husband has struggled with a porn addiction, lying, hiding things, emotional connections that made me uncomfortable with female colleagues, deleting messages from female colleagues, etc. At one point, I had a conversation with him telling him that if he ever used Only Fans, I would be out. I happened to get a hunch that he did and had looked back at an old credit card statement from 5 years ago and saw that only a few weeks after that conversation, he started paying for Only Fans. Through that discovery, I found out that he had continued to watch porn via every app you can imagine. I asked for a divorce and that’s when he finally decided to get the help he needs. He started therapy, also see a CSAT, reading books etc. As much as I am trying to move on and forgive him, I just feel stuck. Looking for advice I guess. I spoke to him tonight about maybe a trial separation where I can get some space and try to figure out what I want. I don’t even know that would look like logistically for 4 kids. Any insight is helpful. I am tired, emotionally and feel sick physically from all of this.

My husband has been using for years but will never admit to it unless I literally catch him in the act. He would always use an incognito tab, and private browsing on Reddit. He would delete his instagram search history, etc. How are you ladies finding concrete evidence outside of that? With the ability to view in all these private browsers, it nearly seems impossible. They get better and better at hiding it.

I went through my husband’s past app downloads for the last 15 years. I found telegram, Signal, Kik and a Photo Vault. He claims he never remembers downloading or using any of these, that perhaps he either downloaded them at the time because they were on his “most popular apps” page or something like that. Claims he cannot even sign in because he never made an account for any of them.

I can’t seem to find any other reason to have these apps other than having an affair….right? What am I missing here? That seems like a lot of the same kind of apps….they span from 2014-2021 as far as downloads go.

I have been with my husband for 20 years and he has struggled with this addiction the entire time. This is the first time that he has made a real effort to stop, going to therapy along with seeing a CSAT. He has struggled since he was a young teen. I am just wondering what the likelihood of him actually quitting for real? Based on what I am reading here, seems pretty low? Anyone have any true long term success stories? I want to set up some realistic expectations in my brain so I am not hurt again.