u/Beaut-throwaway

I've known my friend for almost 3 years, and we got close really quick and have stayed close. She is like a sister to me. We always talked about being in each other's bridal parties when we get married, and when I got engaged, she kept telling me how excited she was to stand in my wedding.

About a month ago, she got a tattoo of her boyfriend's face on her neck. He is in prison and she has never spent time with him outside of prison. He has 3 more years. I don't know exactly what charges got him in prison but I do know he has a history of domestic violence and anger issues (which there have already been instances where he's taken his anger out on her via phone). They've only been together for a few months and I have a strong feeling he's only using her for money. That's all I will say about her relationship.

I keep asking myself if I would feel different about the tattoo if he was a better person and actually treated her well, but I truly don't know. The tattoo is very noticeable and even if she covered the tattoo with her hair, you can still see half of it and know what it is. I do not want to ask her to cover it up as I will not be asking anyone else to cover their tattoos. She claims it was fully her decision to get the tattoo and that he didn't ask her to do it. I know it's not my body and I shouldn't judge, but to be honest... I am. I am embarrassed for her and the tattoo is the only reason why I don't want to include her in the bridal party. I don't want to look back at my wedding photos and potentially see the tattoo. I don't even want to know how our families are going to react to her tattoo. I feel horrible for feeling this way. I know it shouldn't matter what's on my bridesmaids' bodies, but I cannot get myself to feel that way towards my friend's tattoo.

If I don't ask her, I will still be inviting her to the wedding and telling her the reason why I didn't ask her to be in my bridal party is because we want an even number our parties (I have a longer list than my fiance). I don't want her to feel bad or anything if I tell her it's because of the tattoo, because she can't do anything about it.

EDIT:

I didn’t realize this post would turn into so many people giving me friendship advice. After reading your comments, I don’t think I’ll be asking her to stand in my wedding.

I also wanted to clarify some things:
- I am very aware that my friend has issues and she knows it too. I tell her to get help all the time but she thinks the therapy she got as a teen was good enough
- I am also aware that she is in a DV situation. I am SO concerned about what will happen if she’s still with him by the time he gets out, because I know it’ll be no time before it gets physical.
- People are questioning our closeness. I get it. We are complete opposites when it comes to our lifestyles and interests (think girl from the suburbs meets girl from the inner city), but despite all of that we still became good friends. I met her at my internship during grad school and she was a staff member. So yeah, there are a lot of things we don’t talk about when it comes to our lifestyles and why we make the choices we do, unless it’s concerning like this situation. Now I’m realizing how problematic that is
- She knows how I feel about her boyfriend. I remind her everytime she brings him up. She also knows how I feel about the tattoo. So yes, I do communicate my feelings to her and like I mentioned in another comment, it usually just ends up in her getting defensive and telling me to handle my own.

And because some of you guys keep asking:
- She met him through a friend who’s also dating an inmate. She claims she was only looking for friends but fell in love. Not sure how but whatever.
- She has met him before, she visits him in the prison.
- They give out tablets in prison now, at least in my state, so that’s how she’s getting his pictures.
- She’s with him despite his criminal background because he told her his violent charges were either from the mother of his child lying about it or police being racist. She believes him 100% and called me judgmental when I told her how obvious his lies were. Not one question about how he obtained 11 different violent charges and NONE of them were his fault. I also learned she has this “I can change him” mindset. That’s another story
- Aaannddd the big question: WHY THE TATTOO? In her words: “I just love him so much and I want to prove it to him” …as if her working 2 full-time jobs to pay his lawyer fees isn’t good enough

I hope that answers all of your questions.

Hi hi!!

My fiancé and I are planning to move to the Nashville area (open to the surrounding areas, but are looking to remain nearby 15-20 min to Nashville Palace). We are open to any recommendations of areas or complexes to live in. I’ve tried every apartment hunter app under the sun and am turning up short? I’ve found a few good options but figured this is worth an ask.

Our budget is $1600 but would love to stay under if possible, and would prefer places that offer 2 bedrooms/townhomes.

What areas are considered “safe” to look? It’s a big out of state move and don’t want to be in a sketchy place just because price is so low.

ETA: our move is happening in August, as that is when our current lease is up. We do have 2 dogs; however they’re ESAs so apartments do not need to allow pets and we can still bring them, according to TN’s Fair Housing Act.