u/Beginning_Camera_355

I have nothing to look forward to. I'm always depressed. Always end up feeling depressed, even with therapy and my trying to make it work, it never does. I opened up the a bunch of acquaintances from a softball league I'm part of, i was vulnerable, even though they said they cared I just know without a doubt that when i see them again it will be like nothing happened. Let's face the facts I am not a person worth fighting for. I'm not someone that can make connection. I'm just one of those people that will just exist. Maybe I'll get lucky and die from a terminal disease very soon.

I've been so lonely for so long, so starved for intimacy and human connection. I don’t think just friends is going to help, I need something more than that. If I had a deep emotion and romantic connection, than I think i would actually be hopeful, I would have something to actually look forward too. So I'll have to go to gay bars, even though they make me feel very lonely and uncomfortable and that I'm a coward that can't work up the courage to talk to new people let alone ask someone out. I'll just have to do this thing I hate.

Fine I admit it, I'm depressed I have nothing to look forward to in life. I've only had sex twice and they've both been bad. I have no real friends, the sport groups I joined i think have been a mistake. Everybody is so cliquey and I'm so off putting to strangers even when I try not to be. I've never felt love in the community or from another person. I want physical contact, but can't get it. Therapy is a waste of time and money. I doubt a different therapist is going to help. I want to be numb to everything.

Hi, yesterday a man told me a story about a 50 million dollar calvinist mega church (his words. Maybe it isn't a calvinist mega church) being washed away from a bursting water pipe in Henderson Nevada in 2009, he says even the roads leading to the church, that even the debris were gone. He said it was on the front page of the paper (I'm not sure which paper) I've been looking for it on the internet, but can't find any evidence that this happened. The man claims it might be on microfilm. I'm not asking any of you to go check microfilm, but did this really happen in 2009, maybe it isn't a mega church, maybe it's a non mega church or is this just a lie?

I have been messaging a claimed ex atheist on Quora with a rather large "testimony," involving Jesus and many miracles. He mentioned a story about him being in Henderson Nevada and God washing away a 50 million dollar calvinist mega church with a water pipe bursting in 2009 he says it was on the front page of the paper and that it might be on microfilm, but he doubted it. I can't find any evidence that such an event occurred and I can't believe that something like that just gets lost. He said I would go to hell when i die and have all the proof I need that God is real. He then went on with saying that if I was right with God and asked him in humility, sincerity, respect and with my whole heart, mind, body, and soul I will encounter God because I am seeking him.

I pointed out that there are countless ex Christians that have done everything he said, were in great need of God's help and they were given nothing but silence. Of course the man said God saw their hearts aren't ready yet or God decided to let ex believers make their own decisions or you're marked for destruction.

He posted the story about the church on Quora. I replied in the comments asking why there isn't any evidence of a 50 million dollar calvinist mega church being washed away from a water pipe bursting in Henderson Nevada in 2009?

I really let him have it.

At 31 I feel like a loser because I'm not having any sex, I want it sure, but I'm not having it. I just think I'm a loser because I'm not able to have any good sex. The last time I had sex was maybe two years ago, it wasn't great or good or even ok. I can't find out what I like because I'm not having a sex life. And now I think I hate sex. I hate that I can't measure up to the lucky guys that are having great sex whenever they want. I really wish I was asexual, then I just wouldn't care about sex.

It sucks wanting something so bad and never being able to get it. I want sex, affection, intimacy, love, but in this community those are things you can only get if you're attractive. You learn very early that these things have to be earned. When you're ugly and overweight, you'll probably never get to feel love, intimacy, affection, no matter what anyone else says. I never get any notice on grindr or any dating sites. I don't think I can ever be happy without experiencing a love i want.

It sucks wanting something so bad and never being able to get it. I want sex, affection, intimacy, love, but in this community those are things you can only get if you're attractive. You learn very early that these things have to be earned. When you're ugly and overweight, you'll probably never get to feel love, intimacy, affection, no matter what anyone else says. I never get any notice on grindr or any dating sites. I don't think I can ever be happy without experiencing a love i want.

Does it get better? I've been asking myself that a lot today. I've never felt happy trying to find my place in the community. I join hobby groups, but end up feeling depressed for days after, I push people away with my off putting attitude. I smile ask questions, but they either don't want to talk or maybe they're put off by me. I'm a coward that can't work up the courage to ask someone out let alone talk to them (I don't have any friends because I'm depressed). I want to have sex, but I'm either too picky wanting to be attracted to the person or I am mainly ignored (my grindr profile actually says "Too ugly to date and too ugly to fuck. Welcome to my nightmare." I change it to something positive when I feel it). I can't raise my self-esteem, I hate working out. Therapy is just a huge waste of time. Only one thing I've been taught has stuck and it hasn't helped me. Does it really ever get any better?

For 2 or 3 years I've been a part of a softball and dodgeball league. I thought that it would be fun and a good way to make friends and maybe even possibly get a boyfriend. While playing the sports have been just ok I've discovered that this has ultimately been a huge waste of time and effort. At best I've made acquaintances, after every game I usually end up feeling depressed for a few days. I realize that maybe my expectations have been too high. I shouldn't have expected a small town boy like myself to be able to make friends or whatever with a cliquey community in the city. I'm not sure if I'll be participating in the groups anymore. Maybe I'm just not meant to have real not work friends or a boyfriend with those things. It's funny that my therapist thought the groups were a good idea.

You need to make up your minds. I've been getting dating advice of.

"Date in your league."

"Go for it there are no leagues."

"Give them a chance." Even if i don't have any attraction to them?

"Join a gym." change yourself to get a date.

So what am I doing? Should I date someone I'm not attracted to and start a relationship with a lie? Should I be honest and tell them I'm not attracted to them, but let's see what happens? Should I change myself for other people to get a date? Should I give myself a lobotomy and never have a single thought again?

Pick a lane. I'm amazed I haven't thrown up yet with all this spinning you have me doing.

Should I give up on trying to date? Dating is by far the hardest thing I've ever done in my life and I have nothing to show for my efforts. I'm not conventionally attractive (I have been called ugly) and I'm a little over weight. Maybe I'm just too ugly to date. I'm always treated to rejection, one after another. What's the point of doing something over and over again if the results are always the same? I'm trying to lose weight in the hopes that it'll improve my chances, but I don't think it will. The advice I get is always the same: love yourself, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, looks don't matter, people will be attracted to your personality, etc, etc. Should I just try to accept the fact that I'll die alone or should I keep trying despite the overwhelming evidence that I'm just not attractive enough for the gay dating world?

Fine, lets see what you got, maybe you can get me started. How do I love myself? How do I become secure in my body? I'm an average looking bear living in the midwest, I'm 31, almost no one has seen me naked, very insecure in my body, usually give off a negative vibe, afraid of talking to new people especially when I like them, don't know what to do when I get to know someone and i want to ask them out, don't think I deserve a loving relationship. I'll join therapy. I'll even show them my reddit posts. What have you got to offer in advice?

I've come to the realization that I'm just not deserving of love, sex, and friends. I'm always giving a "negative vibe," of course I have no self-esteem (it's funny that people think I have self-esteem.) There's simply no fixing me. I've discovered that anytime someone says, "You deserve," is really just a lie. I'll always be the one that pushes people away. Joining groups for gay people was just a waste of time and money. It was stupid of me to think i could have what I want.

I don't understand the appeal of sex. Don't get me wrong, I want to have it, but I just don't understand what the big deal is. My sex life is DOA, hookups through apps scare me and they're train wrecks anyway. I've had maybe two hookups and they've both been very disappointing. I just don't see how sex can be a big deal.

I don't understand the appeal of sex. Don't get me wrong, I want to have it, but I just don't understand what the big deal is. My sex life is DOA, hookups through apps scare me and they're train wrecks anyway. I've had maybe two hookups and they've both been very disappointing. I just don't see how sex can be a big deal.

How am I supposed to take any happiness from my life if I know my life is never going to be anything to be happy about? I want a partner my family keeps asking me why I'm still single why don'tyou have any gay friends? How do I make them understand that the gay community is filled with people that want you to look a certain way and that I'll most likely die alone? How do I make myself okay with the feeling that I'll never find someone to love me? How do I find meaning in this community? How am I supposed to be proud of my community when I'm shamed by this community and treated with cruelty? How do I make people understand that everything you thought you know about this community is a lie? How am I supposed to be proud of who I am if there is nothing for me to be proud of?

Being gay has never once seemed to be a positive part of my life. I have never once felt love in or for the community, if anything being gay or trying to make something positive come to me from the community (trying to make friends or dating) has only left me depressed. I wish I could just not be anything. I wish I could be a person that experiences no sexual or romantic attractions, someone that just doesn't care about anything. Maybe then I wouldn't be so depressed.

I'm trying to accept the fact that no one will want to be with me. Sadly I typically go for the stereotypical gay guy: muscular, good looking, not always, but that is typically what I'm attracted too.

I'm not someone that people come up to flirt with. I get looked at briefly. My entire life I've looked like someone who had a make under.

The advice I get is always the same change yourself and you'll get dates, but I don't like working out, I hate doing it and finding time to work out.

How do I cope with the fact that I'll be alone forever?

I'm sorry if i write this wrong. I believe I've discovered something.

While I know the same can be said for the straight world.

What I've discovered is that love and companionship must be earned. The evidence is ample. How many of you here now have gained romantic love and companionship after changing your self, your weight, appearance? You earned what you wanted: love and companionship. For so long I've bought into the belief that you, deserve love, but you don't deserve anything. When it comes to people other than family, love has to be earned. You see all these good looking guys dating getting the best of love not because they deserved it, but because they earned it. So if i want someone to love me I'm going to have to earn it. Loving myself is all well and good, but it clearly isn't a path to finding a partner.

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