u/Beligerent

So because of my CPTSDI did something incredible the other night. I (M54) began Microdosing recently. The other night I sat down and wrote my high school bully a long message and sent it to him on Facebook. I told him what a piece of shit he was and how his bullying in high school affected me my entire life. I told him how I’m not married and how it’s likely his fault. Basically I just went off on this guy. I had the sense, however not to threaten him. In fact, I wasn’t even really angry I was venting. Truthfully I was crying too

Fast-forward a couple of days and the police were at my house when I showed up home from work. They were upfront that I was not in any trouble as I did not threaten this gentleman however they were more concerned for my well-being after all who sends a message to their high school bully 35 years later.
Because of this event, I really need to start thinking strongly about starting therapy for this, which is something I’ve been putting off because of no insurance. This act scared me.

I (M53) have noticed a troubling pattern about the way I process rejection.

In the past 9 years I’ve been on 2 dates. Both dates were fun and I would’ve been interested in a second date but that didn’t materialize. What bothers me is the way I unconsciously cope with the rejection.
If a woman says it’s not a match or she doesn’t feel a connection, I politely thank them for their time, say good luck and then seemingly go into a multi year dating hiatus.

I went out on a date with a woman in 2022 and she told me it was not a connection and I haven’t looked at the apps since. It’s not that I’m heartbroken over any particular woman. It’s just that when something like that happens to me the rejection feels enormous, personal, and specific and I feel like I need months and in some cases years to recover the confidence to ask someone out again.
I’m conventionally attractive and there’s lots of women that I would like to ask out but I’m afraid that if they simply say no that it’ll be another half a decade before I try again and that frightens me.
I’ve spent some time in the last week, reaching out to therapist that specialize in helping men with these types of issues. This came to light when I started microdosing about a month ago.
Probably sounds like I’m rambling and I kind of am because this is an early morning brain dump but let me know how you process rejection and if you’ve ever had these types of troubles with it, men or women I’m all ears.

Just wanted to pose this question to the group. For those of us that I’ve been single for a long time, How are your friends? What are those relationships like?
Have you had situations where you’ve lost friends because you’ve been single for so long and they don’t get it?
Do you often feel like a third wheel?

I’ve been trying to find a therapist in New Hampshire that works with men on issues like CPTSD, CEN and relationship issues. Has anyone ever heard of anything like these terms or am I way off base looking for this around here. Things are bad and I just can’t believe how difficult this is to find.

Does anyone else fear that when talking to people you say too much and then you snapped back in the other direction the next time you see them and say hardly anything or act like you barely know them.

I find I’m ashamed to take up any space. I’ll talk to people on Monday and then on Tuesday pretend like I never met them because I don’t wanna be perceived.