u/Beneficial_Debt_6836

My girlfriend (19F) broke up with me around 2 months ago, on the day of our 2-year anniversary, and honestly I still feel stuck.

For some background, I’ve always been the “academic” person. I topped my school for multiple years and people always saw me as the nerd who was good at studies. But academics were never really my dream. Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to become a pilot.

Unfortunately, I was born with severe astigmatism and poor eyesight. When I was 16, I went for a medical evaluation and was told that becoming a pilot was very unlikely. At that age, it felt like I had lost the future I had imagined for myself. I went through a really difficult period where I felt lost and didn’t really know what I wanted anymore.

That was when I met her.

We started talking through text, and because both of our families were strict, most of our relationship was through messages. Even though we didn’t get to meet as much as normal couples, she became the person I talked to every day. She became the person I looked forward to talking to after a stressful day.

Our relationship wasn’t perfect. We had arguments and there were times where things became difficult. One of the issues was that I became too dependent on her emotionally. During the last few years, I had given up a lot of my hobbies and most of my free time went either into studying or talking to her. She sometimes felt like I didn’t have enough of a life outside the relationship, and looking back, I understand why she felt that way.

But at the same time, I felt like we were trying. We talked about rebuilding things and making more memories outside of just texting. We planned things we wanted to do together and I thought we were moving in the right direction.

Then, on the day of our 2-year anniversary, she broke up with me.

The reason this has been so hard to process is because of what she told me during the breakup. She said that ever since she met me, her life had gone downhill while mine had improved. She said she felt like I had “jinxed” the good things that could have happened to her, and she gave examples of situations where she felt like things went wrong after telling me about them.

She also told me that she felt like she could never genuinely be happy for my achievements because she felt like my success came at her expense.

That hurt me deeply because I never saw our relationship that way. I genuinely tried to support her and help her when she was struggling. I tried to help her with studies, but she made it clear that she didn’t like being told what to do, so I stopped pushing.

What hurts even more is that all of my "achievements" that she felt were at her expense, I did because I wanted to give her something I couldn't have. Her parents had forced her into science and she had always been an arts girl, I really had no passion and seeing her made me want to work hard to do something that could atleast support her career in the future. My college, my field of study, everything I chose so that I could be close to her, and now that she's gone I don't know what to do with my future.

Hearing that she felt like my success came at her expense was extremely painful, because from my perspective, I was trying to build a future where both of us could be happy.

I know she had her own struggles and I don’t want to make her the villain. I’m sure she experienced things differently from me. But I still struggle with accepting that the person I tried so hard to support saw me as someone who was making her life worse.

Since then, I’ve been struggling a lot. It’s not just missing her. It feels like I lost the person who was there through one of the hardest periods of my life. For two years, no matter how boring or stressful my day was, I always had something to look forward to: talking to her.

The hardest part is feeling like she is moving on while I’m still struggling. I know logically that people handle breakups differently, but it hurts seeing her look happier and feeling like my life has gone backwards while hers has improved.

I know I need to move forward. I don’t want my entire identity to be based around a relationship, and I want to become someone who is happy with himself again. But right now I don’t know how long this is supposed to take or what I’m supposed to do.

TL;DR: Girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me, saying she felt like my success came at her expense. I feel hurt because I spent years trying to support her and imagined a future together. I’m trying to rebuild my life, but I’m struggling to let go and move forward.

Sry for the ai my first language isn't English.

Is it better to dual boot or use WSL?

Pleased to announce that I've officially joined the ThinkPad community

It's been more than 2 months since she left. I (M18) still can't go a night without crying.

Guys why is Inde Navarrette not in jail?

Are the newer ThinkPads good for college?