My friend just got a boyfriend
Hey. Coming here to ask for a bit of help.
I have been friends with Melissa (22F) for 2-3 years now and were college housemates for a year. We got very close in that timeframe and we tell each other almost everything. We have laughed together, cried together and I love her deeply.
Me and Melissa come from similar ethnic and religious backgrounds- strict Muslim. However, as we were both raised in a Western culture, we don’t have all of the same views as our parents on things like substances and relationships. My friend has said that ultimately she would want to marry a Muslim man, and that she could never bring home a non- muslim to her family, and I share a similar view.
When it comes to men, we have very different tastes. She likes white men. I do not. Her previous flings and relationships have all been with white men, and respectfully, she is WAYYYY out of all of their leagues. I know looks aren’t everything, but when I have met them.. their personalities have been lacking also. Hygiene too in some cases. (Note, this is not generalised to all white men- just HER type and who she has dated in the past)
Recently she told me she just got a boyfriend, and I was shocked because this seems to have happened very suddenly. It’s a guy from the bar opposite where she works. We went there not too long ago and she admitted she thinks he likes her, but thought he was a bit of a loser, and gave me a sort of (yikes) look. I remember thinking he seemed polite and funny but didn’t necessarily deem them a good fit, and from the way she spoke about him, I thought he might be a bit creepy too.
She admitted that he was the first guy who asked her to be her boyfriend before sleeping with her, and she seemed very giggly briefly when I spoke to her.
I want to be happy for her, but I do not think this man is the right fit for her in any capacity and I know her family will not approve. I feel as though she is settling for the first man who will treat her with an ounce of respect, as her previous relationships have been toxic and pretty disrespectful. She also has not known this man for very long, as she only started working at her new workplace maybe a month or two ago. I am worried this will not last and that she will be disappointed, and she has been through a lot lately- a very difficult year and a lot of trauma that I don’t want to get into on here.
She is a very kind soul and always sees the best in people and always gives people the benefit of the doubt. Recently she has noticed I’ve been a bit off with her, and asked me what’s wrong.
Should I be honest with her? Honesty is important but I don’t think my opinion is relevant here. Especially as she is not asking me for advice and he is her SO now. I also care about her feelings and want to be as supportive as possible.
TDLR: Friend got a new boyfriend very quickly and suddenly and I don’t think they are a good fit. Do I keep it to myself or should I say something?