u/Boba_baller

(25F) and (30M) We have been together for 6 years now, and most recently got married and had our first child. I had a great relationship with all of them, especially my SIL and FIL. But ever since I got pregnant I felt a shift in dynamic between me and my in-laws. It started with them constantly suggesting baby names, even after asking them to stop my MIL just starting texting them directly to my husband. The biggest problem I had with this is that I was afraid my husband would end up wanting to use one of their suggestions since he didn't seem to like any of mine. Then they didn't like that we didn't want anyone kissing our baby, my husband agreed in private and then questioned me alongside them in public. Now we've been debating whether to upgrade to a new family-sized car and we had agreed there was no need until his car was done for, but when his parents and sister found out they all started badgering him telling him to do the opposite (even though my SUV is great and our family car currently).

But then came the discussion of wanting to move out of state in a few years, now my SIL and In-laws plan to follow us. We want to go somewhere that can give us the best financial situation to raise our child, but it would also be nice to get away from the constant visits/dinners/"oh this person is in town so let's visit with them too!" . My husband didn't want to make a boundary of how often is too often, he'd rather just say no in the moment. But them all following us + possibly no other family around, would probably mean more visits and that just sounds exhausting.

Though before we move out of state we wanted to move into a home here, since it will still be awhile before we leave the state. When my husband mentioned it, it was like a wave of all of them telling us where to move/where not to move/move closer to us, and I couldn't get in a word edgewise. My husband noticed this and attempted to include me, I said it would be nice to move closer to some of my family and they didn't acknowledge it.

When we got home I said how it made me feel like a third wheel or that it was 4v1 and that I wanted to keep decisions about our life to ourselves. He said it was just how they were and him saying anything wouldn't work as they would just keep going. He also mentioned that he tried to include me, but for me its not about myself being included. It's more about how I feel like he tends to agree with them when they give "advice", and his parents picked his first career/house/car before we got together, and with our life now I don't think they should be as involved. At least when it comes to decisions about our family/child.

He responded to that by saying he thinks that it's just because I'm "uncomfortable" with his family. I admit I've had some trouble with them, but only when it has involved our child (aka- trying to pick our baby name/kissing the baby after being told not to). And I try really hard to include his family and mine with special things for our child, like Easter or mother's day or birthdays, updates after dr's appointments, photos in the groupchat every few days, visits every other weekend, so to have him say that to me was really hurtful. The whole conversation felt like he was blaming me and ignoring any possible wrong doing of his family.

I'm not sure if it's the postpartum hormones or what but in my own family I have never experienced this type of forced dependence. I always made my own decisions and my parents gave me guidance when I asked. His parents seem like they're telling him what to do and pushing their opinions. He won't even open a bank account or go to the doctor when sick without running it by his parents first. Is this normal for older parents (his are almost 70) ? Or other family's?

Our first LO is now 6 months, and as a sahm we have only had one person babysit once. We have had multiple people on both sides of our families break our one concrete rule of no kissing, so I don't really trust many people to babysit. Not to mention with my PPA I don't do well when she with anyone other thany DH.

My in laws live 20 min from us and ask for us visit them frequently. During these visits I try to allow them to hold LO as much as they want but when I ask for LO back to feed or put to sleep I'm either ignored or they stall. My parents live two hours away and still visit a few times a month. My sister had the first grandbaby on my side as a teenager so they got accustomed to having my niece around every other weekend or for a week at a time since she was born. Now a few years have passed and I have a baby now, and ever since LO was born they ask for her to come spend the night or come for the weekend (ebf by the way). At first it seemed like a joke but as more time went by it came off as serious.

My MIL recently talked about how I shouldn't get to hold my baby during visits since I "see her all the time". Not the first time my MIL acted like this so I brushed it off and tried to ignore it for the sake of my DH. Now my own mother called me a "baby hog" and my older brother who still lives at home called me "stingy" with my own baby. Soon I'm going to be in my career after graduating, and we plan to put LO in daycare. And my grandmother who live with my parents criticized us saying we'll reconsider or back off of daycare and let them watch the baby when we see how much it costs. We refuse to let their entitlement from the first grandchild be transferred onto us and our child, especially since my sister who is on her own with her partner + child now is TOLD by my parents when they're getting my niece.

When me (26F) and my DH (30M) were growing up our grandparents did a big portion of raising us. And now our parents think they will be the same with my parents expecting to have my 6 month old all weekend and my in laws having enough baby items to stock a nursery and asking how much longer I'll continue to bf. While I appreciate their excitement and love for our LO, its simply not as important as our own. And while not all grandparents behave this way, the ones that do need to realize it's not about them anymore and they had their chance. It was their choice to permit their own parents to act like this with us as children.

Side note: We've wanted to move somewhere that has better pay for my soon to be career for years and are planning to move to a different state in a year or two. And now my in laws and SIL plan to follow us wherever we move and that terrifies me, as this is also an opportunity for us to create a little distance and solidify our family from weekly visits and attempts to steal milestones.

Before we had our LO my relationship with my in laws was great, but now I feel like there's been a big shift in our dynamic. It started when I was pregnant by them constantly giving us baby name suggestions then criticizing the name we decided upon. After the criticism we picked a new name and they tried to squeeze it out of us Everytime we saw them, my SIL even tried to drive a wedge by asking if I was going to give in and tell them and then asked me if MY DH (her brother) agreed with that decision as if we didn't both agree and I was just forcing him. Then I was being called controlling from my MIL when we weren't telling the new name we decided on, and wanting to plan my own baby shower and having rules for after the baby was born (nothing extreme just no kissing + wanting sometime after birth for just us and baby). I still get comments here and there along the lines of me being strict or "helicoptering" as both MIL and FIL have kissed LO so I don't exactly want to leave them alone with my child.

Additionally, since I was pregnant whenever my DH's out of town uncle came with hand me down baby items my MIL would go through them first and keep whatever she wanted for their place. Of course we're appreciative for anything people want to give us for our LO, and I thought it was nice at first she wanted to be prepared. But it just bothered and still bothers me that she looks through everything FIRST and keeps things that we could need (car seat, play pack etc.) as our child lives with us and we don't really want our child staying the night anywhere for a couple years. And I know it makes my MIL and SIL happy to go through and organize or keep what they want to provide for our LO at their place, and I try to let it go but I can't help it gives me an icky feeling for some reason.

Now LO is here they try for visits every week by asking for a visit, hosting a family event of some sort, or sometimes it feels like my DH's sibling and MIL set up a text exchange by one of them asking in the group chat everyone's "weekend plans" and the other will usually respond with "nothing" or "open for suggestions" and if we respond in any way we get requests for visits, even if we say we're just spending time at home as a family. Additionally any visit they want us at their home and will usually invite people to see the baby as well and stall if we say we need to leave at a certain time or when we try to leave.

Overall, I just feel like our dynamic has completely changed with them. And I don't know if it's because my family it the polar opposite and gives us our own space as a new family/requests visits once or twice a month if convenient for us and doesn't question or cross our boundaries, or if it simply the hormones or common experience as a ftm. My DH is very chill but will listen and try to help with my concerns or feelings, but he will also try to avoid conflict and doesn't see some of these things as issues. And I'm not sure if I'm misreading anything or if these feelings are normal and will pass because I really do love my MIL and SIL, I just want there to be mural peace/consideration/respect.

Sorry for the long post - but if you stuck around thank you!

I had my LO almost six months ago and I'm still not at a place where I feel comfortable or confident to wear clothing that is big enough to hide my body. I love my life and my baby but I've had my bouts of PPD/PPA, but it's bad enough that I lost all resemblance to who I used to be but now I'm the heaviest I've ever been and don't feel comfortable in tight clothing.

When I got pregnant it was a surprise, obviously I know how one comes to be pregnant I just wasn't as worried I could get pregnant because my period is very inconsistent (since I started getting them at 14). I would only get a period once every three months, and I could regulate it more to once a month with vitamin + iron supplements/diet/exercise. And when I got pregnant I was finally starting to be consistent with diet and exercise and actually starting to lose weight. But now I diet and exercise when I can as a ebf + sahm, and I can't seem to lose anything since I started at three months pp.

And just the thought of being around people, even family, in my bathing suit makes me want crawl in a hole. Has anyone had the same issues losing weight? Or had body image issues preventing the from wearing pre-baby clothes/bathing suits? How long did it take to feel comfortable?

My husband and I just got married last year, with a courthouse ceremony. While it wasn't exactly the way I would've wanted to have a ceremony, with our circumstances it was what made the most sense. After 5 years of dating, on a trip abroad last March we got engaged and I also told him that I was pregnant, and as we had been talking about engagement/marriage for years and knew we wanted to be married before having children, so we got married at the courthouse a few months before we had our daughter.

Don't get me wrong I love my husband and child, it just wasn't how I always imagined we would get married. So we decided we'd have a wedding/vow renewal later on. And now I'm still in school to get into a better career and we're moving into a home soon, so a wedding isn't financially possible anytime soon.

We talked about having our second (and last) child before having our wedding since we wanted our children closer in age and I want to be done having kids by 30, so a wedding seems so far out of grasp right now. And I can't help but to feel like after we finally get to a point where we can afford/have the time to have a wedding it won't happen due to our ages as I'm 26F and my husband is 31M.

Has anyone else delayed a wedding after getting married in the courthouse? Or had an extensive amount of time between the two when finances or life got in the way?

We had our LO six months ago, and I'm currently a sahm while working towards a certification for a new career. My husband works a full time job 4 days a week plus call and weekend call twice a month. Lately I've been feeling like his gaming takes priority as he's always on his PC when he's off of work, he'll take breaks to eat/watch a movie/help with bedtime but when it comes to our LO's awake time he'll more often than not put her in her play pen or bouncer and play his game. Only getting up to tend to her if she cries, then gets right back on the game after she stops. He played his games like this before LO but I didn't care as much because I could do my own thing, now it feels like I'm doing everything for our child and we're taking a backseat to his need for constant gaming.

I understand the need for a break and alone time but he's on his game every night. It's even worse on the weekends where he did there all day taking an hr break here and there. If I say something he'll get off and then sit next to us then just play a game on his phone. When I've tried to talk to him about it, he compares it to scrolling on social media, even though he will play games that he can't just pause and walk away from. I checked his PC and it said he has played 74 hrs in the last two weeks. I get that its his main way to stay connected to his friends as well since many of them have moved away but based off of their profiles none of them have played even remotely as much as my husband, and he is the only one in the group with a partner or child. And that's more hrs in week than I even get to sleep.

Partners to new moms, did you want to or feel the need to change your gaming habits after starting a family? New moms am I overeacting or blowing it out of proportion?