u/Bouldebain

And I am shaking in my boots. It's in the capital and my friend who was supposed to come got sick from riots the day before. I manifested once before and it's the first time I am going alone. I plan to stay max one hour if the anxiety is too much but I don't want social anxiety to ruin my life more than it already did. I just thought : oh the purpose of going to a protest is to be seen lol exactly what someone with social anxiety hates.

Edit : I went and I am really proud of myself ! Thanks for the upvotes and for participating in a safe place where people struggling with social anxiety can express themselves ❤️

I just want to vent and say this sucks.

I just spent an jour crying like a baby in my therapist office. Then got snacks, went home and started crying some more. I know this will pass, I hope this is useful but for now it's just painful. I will just lay down, eat snacks, drink water and try to distract myself with baldur's gate but I know during the afternoon those waves of sadness will come and go and I will feel hungover until Wednesday.

and got prescribed antibiotics ! I became health anxious after a lot of health issues these last couple of years so I went to the doctor a bit late but I at least I went today. Not happy about the antibiotics but what can you do.

I just came back from my therapy appointment in tears because we were talking about finding activities to meet new people. I can't even explain why this is so hard for me. The anticipatory anxiety feels way worse than actually being there it's like I'm mostly terrified of lacking the energy or willpower when the moment comes. That's why I usually stick to spontaneous things I don't have to plan ahead.

I realized one way to make it manageable is telling myself "I'll only do this for the first term." Framing it that way changes everything, I'm just trying something new that might be fun, and if it isn't, that's fine I just learned something about myself.

I really wonder why setting a fixed endpoint makes such a massive difference. Can anybody relate ?

(not diagnosed...yet). I recently started a SSRI and it bought to my attention (lol) how I struggle in my day to day life. I think I used to run on pure anxiety. Now life is better but... here I am fighting with myself to shower for an hour. Or playing video games for hours and finding myself not able to stop even if I don't want to keep playing. And it's just because being bored in the shower feels unbearable. I usually manage this with a podcast and showering quickly but it doesn't even work today. I did some workout at home with my headphones on and listening to youtube videos but I just can't manage to shower. The past couple of weeks, I've even been showering with my headphones on when I don't have to wash my hair. I feel ridiculous but I thought : whatever if that gets the job done. Since starting medication for my depression and anxiety it feels like it really highlights my adhd. I struggle to not interrupt people when they talk, struggle to follow a routine, to eat at regular hours and to find things to eat. Im standing in front of my fridge. I haven't eaten for 8 hours and there's stuff in there, but I can't, for the life of me, assemble something I actually want to eat. I hate to admit it because it's not in my values at all but at these moments I sometimes used an AI just to figure out how to make a meal and it worked and I thought I am worse than I originally thought if an AI works better than my brain for this. So, after this way-too-long wall of text, I wonder what helps you most. I read somewhere that meditation trains the frontal lobe to reduce symptoms. I guess yoga would kind of do the same. I am not ready to try medication yet even though I have an hunch it will come down to this. Annnd if you relate how do I shower ???

I work in a shared office as a business owner. I try to be nice and respectful to anybody in the building. I made up a work thing to not eat lunch with everyone today. There is literally no reason for it, but I am in a bad mood. I tried feeling it, analyzing it, thinking of other things than work, talking about travels with colleagues, nothing works, and I am still in a bad mood.

A part of me don't want to lie and I wish I could just say : "Hi, how are you ? I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today". But I remember in my old place my boss criticizing colleagues saying : I also have bad days but I still make sure to put a smile on my face and say hi to everyone ! We don't have to suffer from your bad mood !

So I don't know. Is it okay to feel like suckling at work ? Do I have to fake or invent something like I did not sleep well ? Or can I just say : bad mood today, don't mind me. ?

I don't know if it's only the lexapro but last year I reached out to old friends trying to build back my social circle. I ended up twice in tears after meeting them, in full panic attacks, not able to understand what was happening. I went for a coffee with one of them friday morning and only felt slightly tired then was able to go on with my day. Sooo Idk if it's a coincidence but it's an improvement anyway !

3 month on 10 mg

I am very surprised, I bought my first color changing light bulb on Friday. During the day the red seems very weird but at night that orange "Pinterest" glow is wonderful. Tonight I am also surprised, I feel way calmer as if I was by a fire and I don't want to go to bed because it would mean changing lights. I am a fan of ambient lights so I never thought my other lights were harsh but compared to the orange/red color they feel too harsh. I don't know if it's novelty or the orange light looking like a sunset and calming my nervous system but I am close to replace every light bulb in my home with ones that can change color ! I don't know if it's a personal thing or if anybody had that same experience but if it's a shared experience I would be surprised it's not much more talked about. I can see how it could help people with sleep issues.

3 months in at 10 mg. For two weeks, I have been feeling more down than before since starting and way more tired. I attributed it at first to pms, but it's lasting. I have been taking my lexapro not well these days, once at 9 am, once at 7 pm, then 3 pm, then 11 am. And I wonder if these inconsistencies might influence how I am feeling lately.

My main struggle is to think about taking it before work, so I think I will just have some in my bag all the time. Or try to take it without food to see how I do because it would help me be more consistent.

Anyway, I was wondering if any of you had this experience inconsistency causing fatigue. Because I slept 9 hours and at 11 pm, I am back in bed and struggling to keep my eyes open but can't really sleep either. I helped a friend move yesterday and decorate her place, and I was so engaged I didn't feel sleepy at all. It's like as long as I am busy and very intesrted, it's ok, but as soon as I stop, I feel this immense fatigue and can't keep my eyes open. I am struggling to write this right now.

Since starting a SSRI it happens less but I kind of feel the need to cry after work sometimes. I feel kind of jet lagged after seeing 6 people. Like I keep thinking and sometimes feel the need to dissociate a bit after work. I am not really sad but it's like all the pressure, impostor syndrom, stress build up during the day and the gates are finally open when I am home. I feel like a child that needs to cry after being scared. I am not overworked or burned out though, I take care of myself during the day.

Edit : not spm, pmdd (edited for mistake)

I am so mad at everything and everyone. This day is really good. But where I am it is noon and I just thought : I won't eat cause I don't like anything everything sucks and I hate it. Great mentality and not ridiculous at all. So tired of being in my own head these days I don't know if I want to scream cry or give up everything and go far away or just stay under my blanket while playing video games for the whole next week. Please pray for me I have a public facing job and new clients today.

I got my diploma in 2021 and we usedsci hub a lot. I am trying to help my brother in law who is writing his thesis and wanted to share some old tools but is sci hub not really working anymore ? I tried a bunch of papers and only got access to one from 2019. Or am I doing something wrong ?

Hello everyone,

I dropped my usual workout schedule 3 weeks ago (weekends swimming at the beach, heatwaves making the gym close, my bike broke) and was struggling to get back to it this morning. I have not been inactive but not sticking to my routine either. In two weeks I am going on holidays and thought : what's the point of struggling to get back into it if I am gonna lose the habits in two weeks anyway ? So I am thinking of adapting my workout to seasons and I wonder if some of you do that here. Like more swimming in summer, more gym in fall and winter or dance or boxing maybe, a new activity in spring and get back to biking to work. I used to be really neurotic a about my workouts and feel bad if for a few weeks I didn't work out "enough". Maybe I am going towards a more "intuitive" way of moving ? But I am also a bit stressed it won't be enough to build muscle, to see improvement...

Bad mental health day

As the luteal started it feels like I turned into another person this morning. Incredibly tired, almost fought with my sister, feeling anxious and sad and easily mad. AND it's Saturday, sunny and a perfect day to go out and enjoy life. But I just don't feel like it. It sucks. I think I ll just go get some good food and game until bed.

And even after a week and a half I still find myself randomly trying to open them and getting frustrated ! It's crazy the effect it has on our brain. I wonder when that habit will go away.

I have been depressed (on medication now) and struggling a bit financially but it's even worse for my sister and her boyfriend so last week I made them dahl and this week it's chili ! They are vegan so I don't have much ideas. It's a bit weird to say that because it's a shitty situation but I am very proud of myself for helping like I can. It's also healthy food to freeze for myself.

I am having a stressful week at work with a lot of meetings and I have been thinking about it since last week. I feel very scared and keep replaying conversations in my head. I asked to take lexapro for social anxiety. I have no idea if I would feel the same without the lexapro or not. It's even more annoying because I saw my doctor on Friday and felt fine at that moment I wasn't feeling like tonight being scared and asking myself if the medication is doing anything or not. I keep having self depreciative thoughts and even though I challenge them It's very tiring and depressing.

Yesterday and today I have been feeling the compassion fatigue very much (not a native English speaker don't mind any spelling mistakes or weird sentences). I don't work a lot, only 3 days a week and every three weeks on saturday, I see 6 people per day. I have not taken days off since January and I feel a bit guilty to be tired because I already don't work a lot. But I feel like I need some time off. I planned to take all august off (in Europe) but I am wondering how to manage until then and if anyone have tips/advice. Working with a lot of heavy cases and high risks situations recently are most certainly contributing to this. I am having fulfilling weekends and seeing friends though, also working out during the week.

Just venting, last week I had good days, was happy to go to work, felt positive but since yesterday I am just so mad at everything I have a medical appointment today and I just keep ruminating on how it steals all of my day how I don't want to be here etc etc. I need some hope that good days are coming back and that it was not just luck last week !

Finally, nearly two weeks on Lexapro. I’ve been really impatient for it to kick in, especially after reading about the side effects and happy endings on this subreddit. I was very scared to start an SSRI, but also excited in a sense, hoping to find relief for the anxiety and depression I’ve dealt with most of my life.

I’ve had quite a few side effects, sadly. In two weeks, I’ve only had one night where I didn't wake up in the middle of the night, though my sleep is slowly getting better. At first, it felt like I’d drunk 4 or 5 coffees at once. I take 10mg in the morning. The first few days were quiet, but from day 3 to 7, I felt jittery, shaky, and had muscle cramps. I was too hot and cold at the same time, my body temperature dropped, I felt nauseous and a bit "high," and I even had dilated, asymmetric pupils and blurry vision.

After the first week, things improved, but the fatigue hit hard. In week two, the medication made me so sleepy that I started drinking caffeine again just to function. For a few hours after taking my dose, I felt incapable of moving because of the exhaustion, which made me feel more depressed. However, that "incapacitated" window is getting shorter every day. I found that staying active whenever possible really helped. Even when I felt like I might cry on my way to work, being there actually made me feel better by the end of the day.

I don’t know if I’m just lucky or if the medication is starting to work, but I’ve noticed a few positive shifts : my evenings after work have been calm. I’m exhausted, but I’m no longer replaying every moment of the day in my head or doubting my work. I can watch a show and actually enjoy it without my mind wandering. My sister is going through a rough patch, and for the first time, I could think clearly about what I can and can't do for her without being consumed by guilt. I used to feel guilty for being at peace if she was struggling, even though I knew it was irrational. While I’m not "motivated" yet, I’ve enjoyed swimming and biking in the sun. I even caught myself smiling underwater like a weirdo. I felt physically lighter. I’m self-employed, and instead of focusing only on the stress of my workload, I caught myself thinking: "All these people trust me to help them." Which has not happened before.

I still have more side effects than "light" moments for now, and I’ve had to cancel some work and social plans due to anxiety. But it feels like seeing things in a more positive light is starting to happen on its own. I'm hoping for more of this in the coming weeks.