I have been trying to use a lot of Costco tofu before it expires—these vermicelli bowls were 😽🤌 The tofu was a pretty simple bake after marinating in olive oil and coconut aminos and coating with almond flour. I made the dressing from rice vinegar, sweet chili sauce, minced garlic, and soy sauce from the packet drawer.
I have primary custody of my 2 y/o. Her mom is in the picture but for various reasons cannot be counted on for 50/50 support--I've relied on my mother for help. My mother has since disowned me completely for starting medical transition since March and now has zero relationship with me or her granddaughter. She was supposed to be my "safe" parent--my father's side of the family is MAGA af, and I'm terrified of my daughter losing ties to them as well. I get incredible anxiety just thinking about going over there to swim in the pool with my daughter as I develop breast tissue and show other signs of transitioning. I'm worried about being outed to my child's school and her being rejected for the next school year--and I have no childcare backup plan.
If it were just me, I'd get the fuck out of here yesterday. New state, new name, reboot my career. But with my daughter, I feel like I don't have a right to make that decision for myself that deprives her of any kind of relationship with her uncles, grandparents, etc. Financially, I've got negative equity in my house and can't just leave without spending much of my savings just to sell the house. I have a very intense and stressful career, and I've just barely gotten to the point of stability after separation with my child's mother where I can keep the plates spinning with my business and take care of my child/spend lots of quality time with her regularly.
As much as I want to keep transitioning, I feel like I need to pause. My GAHT doc says he encounters this all the time and I need to consider finding a chosen family--he's worried about me sliding into depression and regret if I pause transitioning. My ex-girlfriend who is an amazing friend and ally as well as a single parent who gets it also sees how happy transitioning has made me and thinks I'm giving up a lot by stopping my medical transition. They assure me I'm not selfish and that I was doing the right thing for myself and my child. But my child's mother and my family will call me selfish, that I'm ruining my daughter's life, etc., and I just can't handle those accusations even though I know they're unfair and inaccurate. Because of the circumstances of recently moving back to this area and being busy 24/7 with work and parenting, I really have no friends or other kind of support network here. I don't know a single other trans person in this area.
I don't think I've ever been more conflicted about anything in my life. When I think about stopping HRT and I look at my body or at myself in the mirror, I feel grief thinking about losing my soft skin, losing softer hair or experiencing more androgenic hair loss, my face looking harder or sterner, growing more or thicker body and facial hair, getting thicker/tougher skin, feeling the kinds of rage I use to feel before transitioning, and losing access to my emotions and ability to cry which I've enjoyed so much and which I feel make me a more caring and empathetic person and parent. I think of how I still like to wear women's clothing and want to grow my hair out, continue with laser, yet I'm not going to experience the full potential of transitioning--I'm going to lose the progress I made and reverse it. But I also feel relief at things like being able to take my child to a pool party without worrying about breast development, not losing family members, not being the victim of harassment of discrimination, getting normal sexual function again, and not having the justify my gender or existence to anyone anymore--most of all, not feeling the incredible dread of waiting for my loved ones to completely abandon and antagonize me simply for being trans. On balance, I feel like I could medically detransition but still continue with laser, private expression, and live content as a trans non-binary person while maintaining my persona on the surface level professionally and with family, at least for the time being.
I know no one can answer this for me, but I am interested in collecting others' experiences who have been in similar situations. Did you pause transitioning and regret it, or was it the right move at that time? Did you continue with transitioning before you had a plan for dealing with family, career, and children, and wished that you waited? Any guidance is greatly appreciated.
Thank in advance,
B
Posting this here since r/transpassing filtered it as a hypothetical post.
40, MTF, about 14 weeks of HRT and a few laser sessions, growing my hair out. Obviously not passing. I’m really just here to get feedback on my long-term prospects for passing and any advice for things I can do along the way to help. Also, I know FFS with brow work is in the cards for me one way or the other—it would be nice to get feedback on specific procedures or surgeons/clinics you’d recommend.
I am patient, and my resolve to transition is unwavering. I would much rather be a clocky trans woman than spend the rest of my life in the testosterone armor again. I'm grateful to be on this path--I will not be derailed by hearing that passing is an unrealistic goal, so don't worry about bursting my bubble. But my long-term prospects for passing do impact some of my plans, like whether and where I will move at some point and how long to plan on boymoding professionally.
I understand there is no crystal ball and that so much is dependent on genetics, luck, and things not conveyed in the photos like voice training, posture, mannerisms, etc. Any constructive feedback and advice is appreciated.
Thanks in advance!
P.S. you may recognize me from my "Lost at the Intersection" post a couple weeks ago. Thank you so much to everyone who offered their kind and supportive words. Obviously I did end up continuing with my transition at the expense of my relationship with my transphobic mother. As tragic as that is, I have no doubt it was the right decision and am grateful for the community here for helping me recognize that.
I don't why I'm posting this here--for advice, understanding, or just to vent . . . I'm 40, mtf, single parent of a 2 year old with a coparent who is a hot mess and unreliable. I have a super demanding career, and my mother and I basically raise my child together with minimal support from my child's mother.
My egg cracked in January, and I've been on HRT since March. I've since some out to my mom, my therapist, my coach, a close friend, my mom, and my coparent. My mom, who is normally a super understanding and kind person--really a model for me morally and as a parent--really shocked me with an extreme transphobic reaction to me transitioning. After much back and forth over the past three months, she has made it clear that she would rather have no relationship with her child at all rather than try to accept having a daughter. I am absolutely shocked and devastated by this.
If my child were not in the picture, I would be leaving this god-forsaken, transphobic state (FL) and start a new life and career somewhere. However, with my child right now, that is simply not feasible for me to do, and I would feel like a monster separating her from her mom and grandma. My daughter is the most important thing in my life--I would do anything for her, and everything I do is ultimately for her.
I can't believe my own mother has forced this decision on me, but I apparently have to choose: medical transition, or my relationship (and by extension, my child's relationship) with her. I feel completely lost in so many ways right now. Changes I saw in the mirror and used to get excited about now make me feel shameful and guilty. My mother, who I thought was a source of unconditional love, is now conditioning that love based on transphobia, and I don't know how to feel about her anymore. I feel completely stuck here geographically, in my career, in my body in this in-between zone, and it just really sucks. I don't have the capacity to continue my career and being an effective parent to my daughter alone--my mother is the support system. It's like I'm adrift in a rudderless sailboat on a windless day with no one. It seems like the only responsible option for me right now is to pause my medical transition indefinitely to preserve the status quo and keep things stable for my daughter, but it feels like I'm selling myself out. I am so torn and don't know what is the right thing to do. Most of all, it is just so heartbreaking to know that my mother would cut off a relationship with her own child simply because they're trans. Even if I pause transitioning and preserve the status quo, I will never look at her the same after this until she changes her transphobic beliefs any ways.