u/BrilliantScience4835

just curious on those who ended on bad terms but got back together for a healthy relationship. Looking for some hope/inspiration!

Context: me and gf of nearly 2 years ended badly because we both still had love but needed space away because of issues that happened in our relationship like needs not being met ect. we had a massive blowup fight a week after the breakup that got nasty both sides. looking for some inspiration or hope on couples that had something similar or worse and got back together. i think she hates my guts now and the love she still had is gone.

TL;DR relationships that ended on bad terms but ended up working out

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 2 years since we were freshmen in college. To give you a rundown of the relationship and what happened, essentially for the first year and a half of the relationship I didn't treat her well. It wasn't physical and I didn't cheat, but I just wasn't there for her. I didn't really want to spend time with her, I didn't do little things for her, I was basically emotionally unavailable even though I did love her, because I was immature and also I had trust issues of opening up too much because of a prior relationship. She essentially felt lonely in the relationship which sucks. She told me countless times and I never listened which makes it hurt so much more.

While on the other hand my girlfriend loved me so much. She was the most loyal girl I've ever met in my entire life. She gave me 200%, not even a 100%. She would go above and beyond in every single aspect of our relationship and did the utmost for me. I seriously cannot have asked for a better girl and I honestly don't know anyone whose girl has done more.

Now getting into the issues, basically since I didn't treat her very well for like a year and a half, she just emotionally shut down because it was essentially a one-way relationship even though I did love her. And so at the start of 2026 she just shut down. She still loved me but she just wasn't into the relationship anymore. Like she still went out of her way sometimes and did nice things for me, she would buy me food and surprise me with things, we would hangout, she was still 100% loyal etc, but that spark kind of left.

We talked about it multiple times over the past 5 months and I even improved. I realized how horrible I was and how immature I was and how horribly I treated the most important person to me. The entire relationship dynamic switched where it was essentially me doing everything and her still caring but not really being into it that much. And we tried a lot of things, we went on a break which we couldn't keep because we missed each other, and a lot of other things, and a few days ago we came to the conclusion that it would be best to just to break up and work on ourselves for a while and heal because of everything that happened.

She told me that I'm the right person for her and she still loves me a lot, which I do genuinely believe based on how she still acts, but she did say that she lost the spark in our relationship because of how she was treated for a year and a half.

And so that brings me to last night. We were going to break up in a few days because we had a trip planned that has been planned for a few months, but she asked me to hang out last night after not seeing each other for a week and giving each other space, and it was genuinely one of the worst things I've ever seen. My girlfriend had been basically numbing herself with alcohol and weed every single day for the past week because she literally told me a word for word that she would just wanted to forget everything because it made her sad (she never used to drink). And when we hung out it was genuinely like I was with a different person from the last time I saw her, and obviously it wasn't good before but now she was just done.

We went and got food and she just looked at me and started crying. She says that being with me just makes her sad because it makes her think about the good times that we had. So I decided to take the initiative and bring her to go talk because I knew that we couldn't go on a trip like this, it wouldn't be good for either of us. And essentially we cried together, we hugged, we cried in each other's arms, and she basically told me that she just lost the spark for the relationship because of how she was treated for so long and that the only way she thinks that we have a chance to work is if we break up, which we already agreed on, because it gives her a chance to heal and it gives us a chance to work on ourselves and be better for each other.

And so she essentially said that she wants to try and make it work in a few months. Just for some context it's May when I'm posting this and she was thinking about the fall, like late August early September. Now obviously we can't put a number on when our emotions will heal and we'll get better for each other, but that was what we had in mind. She even told me that she wants to check up on each other once a month, not like see each other but just a few quick texts to just see how we're doing and what we're up to.

She also told me that she's not taking down anything that I bought her in her room, which I bought her a lot of flowers, even the dead ones she puts in like little bags and keeps them in her room, a bunch of stuffed animals I got her, the letters that I gave her etc. She said she's not taking it down. I agree to do the same, which is not taking down her stuff. She made a painting of us and she made sure to ask me to please, if anything, just don't throw that painting away because it means so much to her and me.

The saddest part was when we hugged and kissed for the last time and said have a good summer, see you in the fall. She also texted me a few hours after she left last night and said ily we are doing this to be better for each other.

And so my question is to you guys, what do you think the likelihood is that we actually do get back together, and if anyone has gone through a similar situation what helped and what advice could you give me, because I really do want to make it work with this girl. I love her so much and I realize that I was wrong and that's why I improved but it was too late. I'm even going to therapy for it to try to be better for her in the future, and if not her in the future, just for myself and for anyone else.

Just a side note on my girlfriend for some more context, she does have a history of mental health issues. She's been on antidepressants since she was like 10, so that's another thing that she said she needed to work on was her mental health and healing from what happened in the relationship etc.

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 2 years since we were freshmen in college. To give you a rundown of the relationship and what happened, essentially for the first year and a half of the relationship I didn't treat her well. It wasn't physical and I didn't cheat, but I just wasn't there for her. I didn't really want to spend time with her, I didn't do little things for her, I was basically emotionally unavailable even though I did love her, because I was immature and also I had trust issues of opening up too much because of a prior relationship. She essentially felt lonely in the relationship which sucks. She told me countless times and I never listened which makes it hurt so much more.

While on the other hand my girlfriend loved me so much. She was the most loyal girl I've ever met in my entire life. She gave me 200%, not even a 100%. She would go above and beyond in every single aspect of our relationship and did the utmost for me. I seriously cannot have asked for a better girl and I honestly don't know anyone whose girl has done more.

Now getting into the issues, basically since I didn't treat her very well for like a year and a half, she just emotionally shut down because it was essentially a one-way relationship even though I did love her. And so at the start of 2026 she just shut down. She still loved me but she just wasn't into the relationship anymore. Like she still went out of her way sometimes and did nice things for me, she would buy me food and surprise me with things, we would hangout, she was still 100% loyal etc, but that spark kind of left.

We talked about it multiple times over the past 5 months and I even improved. I realized how horrible I was and how immature I was and how horribly I treated the most important person to me. The entire relationship dynamic switched where it was essentially me doing everything and her still caring but not really being into it that much. And we tried a lot of things, we went on a break which we couldn't keep because we missed each other, and a lot of other things, and a few days ago we came to the conclusion that it would be best to just to break up and work on ourselves for a while and heal because of everything that happened.

She told me that I'm the right person for her and she still loves me a lot, which I do genuinely believe based on how she still acts, but she did say that she lost the spark in our relationship because of how she was treated for a year and a half.

And so that brings me to last night. We were going to break up in a few days because we had a trip planned that has been planned for a few months, but she asked me to hang out last night after not seeing each other for a week and giving each other space, and it was genuinely one of the worst things I've ever seen. My girlfriend had been basically numbing herself with alcohol and weed every single day for the past week because she literally told me a word for word that she would just wanted to forget everything because it made her sad (she never used to drink). And when we hung out it was genuinely like I was with a different person from the last time I saw her, and obviously it wasn't good before but now she was just done.

We went and got food and she just looked at me and started crying. She says that being with me just makes her sad because it makes her think about the good times that we had. So I decided to take the initiative and bring her to go talk because I knew that we couldn't go on a trip like this, it wouldn't be good for either of us. And essentially we cried together, we hugged, we cried in each other's arms, and she basically told me that she just lost the spark for the relationship because of how she was treated for so long and that the only way she thinks that we have a chance to work is if we break up, which we already agreed on, because it gives her a chance to heal and it gives us a chance to work on ourselves and be better for each other.

And so she essentially said that she wants to try and make it work in a few months. Just for some context it's May when I'm posting this and she was thinking about the fall, like late August early September. Now obviously we can't put a number on when our emotions will heal and we'll get better for each other, but that was what we had in mind. She even told me that she wants to check up on each other once a month, not like see each other but just a few quick texts to just see how we're doing and what we're up to.

She also told me that she's not taking down anything that I bought her in her room, which I bought her a lot of flowers, even the dead ones she puts in like little bags and keeps them in her room, a bunch of stuffed animals I got her, the letters that I gave her etc. She said she's not taking it down. I agree to do the same, which is not taking down her stuff. She made a painting of us and she made sure to ask me to please, if anything, just don't throw that painting away because it means so much to her and me.

The saddest part was when we hugged and kissed for the last time and said have a good summer, see you in the fall. She also texted me a few hours after she left last night and said ily we are doing this to be better for each other.

And so my question is to you guys, what do you think the likelihood is that we actually do get back together, and if anyone has gone through a similar situation what helped and what advice could you give me, because I really do want to make it work with this girl. I love her so much and I realize that I was wrong and that's why I improved but it was too late. I'm even going to therapy for it to try to be better for her in the future, and if not her in the future, just for myself and for anyone else.

Just a side note on my girlfriend for some more context, she does have a history of mental health issues. She's been on antidepressants since she was like 10, so that's another thing that she said she needed to work on was her mental health and healing from what happened in the relationship etc.

me and my girlfriend have been dating for 2 years since we were freshmen in college to give you a rundown of the relationship and what happened essentially for the first year and a half of the relationship I didn't treat her well it wasn't physical and I didn't cheat but I just wasn't there for her I didn't really want to spend time with her I didn't do little things for her I was basically emotionally unavailable even though I did love her because I was immature and also I had trust issues of opening up too much because of a prior relationship. She essentially felt lonely in the relationship which sucks. She told me countless times and I never listened which makes it hurt so much more. while on the other hand my girlfriend loved me so much she was the most loyal girl I've ever met in my entire life she gave me 200% not even a 100% she would go above and beyond in every single aspect of our relationship and did the utmost for me I seriously cannot have asked for a better girl and I honestly don't know anyone Whose Girl has done more. now getting into the issues basically since I didn't treat her very well for like a year and a half she just emotionally shut down because it was essentially a one-way relationship even though I did love her and so at the start of 2026 she just shut down she still loved me but she just wasn't into the relationship anymore like she still went out of her way sometimes and did nice things for me she would buy me food and surprise me with things we would hangout she was still 100% loyal Etc but that spark kind of left and we talked about it multiple times over the past 5 months and I even improved I realized how horrible I was and how immature I was and how horribly I treated the most important person to me. the entire relationship Dynamic switched where it was essentially me doing everything and her still caring but not really being into it that much and we tried a lot of things we went on a break which we couldn't keep because we missed each other and a lot of other things and a few days ago we came to the conclusion that it would be best to just to break up and work on ourselves for a while and heal because of everything that happened she told me that I'm the right person for her and she still loves me a lot which I do genuinely believe based on how she still acts but she did say that she lost the spark in our relationship because of how she was treated for a year and a half and so that brings me to last night we were going to break up in a few days because we had a trip planned that has been planned for a few months but she asked me to hang out last night after not seeing each other for a week and giving each other space and it was genuinely one of the worst things I've ever seen. my girlfriend had been basically numbing herself with alcohol and weed every single day for the past week because she literally told me a word for word that she would just wanted to forget everything because it made her sad ( she never used to drink) and when we hung out it was genuinely like I was with a different person from the last time I saw her and obviously it wasn't good before but now she was just done we went and got food and she just looked at me and started crying she says that being with me just makes her sad because it makes her think about the good times that we had so I decided to take the initiative and bring her to go talk because I knew that we couldn't go on a trip like this it wouldn't be good for either of us and and essentially we cried together we hugged we cried in each other's arms and she basically told me that she just lost the spark for the relationship because of how she was treated for so long and that the only way she thinks that we have a chance to work is if we break up which we already agreed on because it gives her a chance to heal and it gives us a chance to work on ourselves and be better for each other and so she essentially said that she wants to try and make it work in a few months just for some context it's May when I'm posting this and she was thinking about the fall like late August early September now obviously we can't put a number on when our emotions will heal and we'll get better for each other but that was what we had in mind she even told me that she wants to check up on each other once a month not like see each other but just a few quick texts to just see how we're doing and what we're up to she also told me that she's not taking down anything that I bought her in her room which I bought her a lot of flowers even the dead ones she puts in like little bags and keeps them in her room a bunch of stuffed animals I got her the letters that I gave her Etc she said she's not taking it down. I agree to do the same which is not taking down her stuff she made a painting of us and she made sure to ask me to please if anything just don't throw that painting away because it means so much to her and me. The saddest part was when we hugged and kissed for the last time and said have a good summer see you in the fall. She also texted me a few hours after she left last night and said ily we are doing this to be better for each other. and so my question is to you guys what do you think the likelihood is that we actually do get back together and if anyone has gone through a similar situation what helped and what advice could you give me because I really do want to make it work with this girl I love her so much and I realize that I was wrong and that's why I improved but it was too late. I'm even going to therapy for it to try to be better for her in the future and if not her in the future just for myself and for anyone else. just a side note on my girlfriend for some more context she does have a history of mental health issues she's been on antidepressants since she was like 10 so that's another thing that she said she needed to work on was her Mental Health and healing from what happened in the relationship Etc.

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TL;DR: Me and my gf dated for 2 years. She went above and beyond, while I was emotionally unavailable and gave her nothing so she lost the spark but still loves me and is hopeful we can try again in a few months.

me and my girlfriend have been dating for 2 years since we were freshmen in college to give you a rundown of the relationship and what happened essentially for the first year and a half of the relationship I didn't treat her well it wasn't physical and I didn't cheat but I just wasn't there for her I didn't really want to spend time with her I didn't do little things for her I was basically emotionally unavailable even though I did love her because I was immature and also I had trust issues of opening up too much because of a prior relationship. She essentially felt lonely in the relationship which sucks. She told me countless times and I never listened which makes it hurt so much more. while on the other hand my girlfriend loved me so much she was the most loyal girl I've ever met in my entire life she gave me 200% not even a 100% she would go above and beyond in every single aspect of our relationship and did the utmost for me I seriously cannot have asked for a better girl and I honestly don't know anyone Whose Girl has done more. now getting into the issues basically since I didn't treat her very well for like a year and a half she just emotionally shut down because it was essentially a one-way relationship even though I did love her and so at the start of 2026 she just shut down she still loved me but she just wasn't into the relationship anymore like she still went out of her way sometimes and did nice things for me she would buy me food and surprise me with things we would hangout she was still 100% loyal Etc but that spark kind of left and we talked about it multiple times over the past 5 months and I even improved I realized how horrible I was and how immature I was and how horribly I treated the most important person to me. the entire relationship Dynamic switched where it was essentially me doing everything and her still caring but not really being into it that much and we tried a lot of things we went on a break which we couldn't keep because we missed each other and a lot of other things and a few days ago we came to the conclusion that it would be best to just to break up and work on ourselves for a while and heal because of everything that happened she told me that I'm the right person for her and she still loves me a lot which I do genuinely believe based on how she still acts but she did say that she lost the spark in our relationship because of how she was treated for a year and a half and so that brings me to last night we were going to break up in a few days because we had a trip planned that has been planned for a few months but she asked me to hang out last night after not seeing each other for a week and giving each other space and it was genuinely one of the worst things I've ever seen. my girlfriend had been basically numbing herself with alcohol and weed every single day for the past week because she literally told me a word for word that she would just wanted to forget everything because it made her sad ( she never used to drink) and when we hung out it was genuinely like I was with a different person from the last time I saw her and obviously it wasn't good before but now she was just done we went and got food and she just looked at me and started crying she says that being with me just makes her sad because it makes her think about the good times that we had so I decided to take the initiative and bring her to go talk because I knew that we couldn't go on a trip like this it wouldn't be good for either of us and and essentially we cried together we hugged we cried in each other's arms and she basically told me that she just lost the spark for the relationship because of how she was treated for so long and that the only way she thinks that we have a chance to work is if we break up which we already agreed on because it gives her a chance to heal and it gives us a chance to work on ourselves and be better for each other and so she essentially said that she wants to try and make it work in a few months just for some context it's May when I'm posting this and she was thinking about the fall like late August early September now obviously we can't put a number on when our emotions will heal and we'll get better for each other but that was what we had in mind she even told me that she wants to check up on each other once a month not like see each other but just a few quick texts to just see how we're doing and what we're up to she also told me that she's not taking down anything that I bought her in her room which I bought her a lot of flowers even the dead ones she puts in like little bags and keeps them in her room a bunch of stuffed animals I got her the letters that I gave her Etc she said she's not taking it down. I agree to do the same which is not taking down her stuff she made a painting of us and she made sure to ask me to please if anything just don't throw that painting away because it means so much to her and me. The saddest part was when we hugged and kissed for the last time and said have a good summer see you in the fall. She also texted me a few hours after she left last night and said ily we are doing this to be better for each other. and so my question is to you guys what do you think the likelihood is that we actually do get back together and if anyone has gone through a similar situation what helped and what advice could you give me because I really do want to make it work with this girl I love her so much and I realize that I was wrong and that's why I improved but it was too late. I'm even going to therapy for it to try to be better for her in the future and if not her in the future just for myself and for anyone else. just a side note on my girlfriend for some more context she does have a history of mental health issues she's been on antidepressants since she was like 10 so that's another thing that she said she needed to work on was her Mental Health and healing from what happened in the relationship Etc.