u/Broad-Cap-1517

Other than the fact I don't like it because the way it feels to me, I hate that it feels that way to him. He mentioned Honeymoon phase in a way that makes it sound kinda like a thing of the past? I want him to see me and be exited and think of me when I'm gone and feel woozy with love. I really dislike feeling like a.. regular thing? Idk if that's how he sees me, but that's what I'm afraid of.

I feel like it's a result of problems arising, like when he forgot we made plans several times and that kinda hurt me, or when he said some stuff that made feel really insecure, and there are other examples. So we talked about these stuff, and it haapened *a lot* in the past 2-3 months, and my brain is seeking blame and then blaming me for like 75% and him 25% (for saying the stuff he did and such). There are still things that feel Honeymoon-phasy, like staying in bed in the morning for an hour or two just fooling around.. even though we have stuff to do. I think it's not all gone. Just.. some changed cause we're talking about serious stuff all the time. How do I deal with this?

אני יודעת שרחוק משקט אבל אני באמת לא יודעת פרטים, לא הסתכלתי חדשות המון זמן ואני בלי רשתות חברתיות בכלל

Just fixed a problem in my life but my brain needs some help calming down

we made plans to meet this Thursday because it's the last day of my exam period and I'll be free(ish). I intentionally made those plans because I'm not happy in the relationship lately, and I wanted to talk to him, which is really hard for me. He didn't know I meant to talk to him.

He forgot about it, and scheduled a work (coffee shop/bartender) shift. Haven't seen him in over a week and haven't spent more than 3 hours with him since 2 weeks ago (not his fault, just the circumstances). And next week he's in a trip abroad with friends. And he knows Thursdays are my free days.

Work asked him to come cause no one else could (he doesn't work there really anymore, just every now and again when they need help). He said yes. I mentioned our plans on Thursday, and he said he can't see me, he scheduled work. And he's sorry he forgot.

The next day i told him that A. I'm hurt he forgot me, (he forgets me often and he knows this is something that hurts me) And B. "I meant to talk to you this Thursday because there are things weighing on me, but you scheduled work, so now it's on you to figure out when we can talk"

He is going abroad with friends in a week, there will not be another time to see him because next week he has to stay at his parents place and take care of the dogs. He will be back 2 weeks after.

No one can replace him at work, and he cares about this work place and it's people, they are friends, and he doesn't want to disappoint them. He has a lot of work ethic. When he said "I told them that I'll be there, so I feel I need to" i said "you told me you'll be here ttoo" and he told me first.

I don't know what i even think he should do. Is it asking for too much to cancel the shift? No one can do it, they might have to be closed that night. But he told me he'll be here, and I feel that i need to talk to him. I feel myself drifting away from him the longer i keep my feelings to myself. Do you think he should cancel the shift? Am i meant to come first? Would you cancel the shift?

small edit: money is not the issue here, he has a different day job, this is to help the place out cause their employees aren't free.

Another small edit:  we will be on one night gateaway right before his flight - wasn't mentioned originally cause we want to solve this before, it's meant to be fun. Like if this will still be going on till then we will just postpone. I see now i should've mentioned this i just didn't want the post to be longer lol. It's 1 day before the flight though, so it's a bad idea to open a deep conversation i think.