u/Busy_Detective6667

I posted here yesterday for anyone that might be new here and didn’t read the original story.

“Katie” and I had more text exchanges last night. I have my bridal shower coming up next weekend, and I had to ask whether or not she was still coming. I assumed she wasn’t, but I also was NOT going to not ask and then let her use that against me. I won’t even explain the texts, I will just copy and paste (with the name changes of everyone) them here. I am truly exhausted and don’t know what I’ll do after the wedding regarding our friendship:

Me: I have my bridal shower next weekend and while I think you ended our friendship yesterday, I still wanted to cover my bases and see if you are still coming or not. No worries if you’re not making it.

Katie: I’m sorry I don’t think I’ll be coming. I think it would be awkward for me as likely everyone there will know I’m not coming to the wedding. I apologized before and I recognize that I upset and hurt you even though that was never ever ever my intent to come across that way. You have also really hurt me even if you don’t realize it, but I understand that you’re under a lot of stress with planning your wedding.

Me: Ok thanks for letting me know. Everyone, including myself, Allan, both our families, and Jamie have all been trying to accommodate you and I feel like I’m getting burned for it. It’s very disappointing. I know that not being allowed a plus-one hurt your feelings, but it’s a boundary that Allan and I have to keep our day intimate. You have not even met the guy yet and it’s insulting that you’d ever bring a stranger to a friend’s wedding. It’s sad that a lifelong friend is ending our friendship over a car ride and a plus-one rule only 8 weeks before my wedding. That’s a really harsh thing to do to a bride who’s already under so much stress and did so much to accommodate. Wishing you all the best.

Katie: What hurt me is saying I never wanted to come to the wedding in the first place, that I was framing you as a bad friend, etc. I felt like you didn’t really consider how I’d feel having to drive alone and not have anyone to hangout with during that weekend, which is fine and understand your reasoning, but that was really hard for me. I just didn’t feel included and felt jealous I guess that Jamie is the one the gets to be your witness, and Jamie also gets to be the one to drive with you. I guess I just always dreamt since the day you got engaged that I’d be the one doing that stuff with you and planning a shower, bachelorette, having a speech at your wedding and all that. I let jealousy and some serious anxiety with driving and feeling alone take over. If I didn’t want to come I would’ve never bought a dress or spent the last several weeks trying to find alternate arrangements so I could go up with someone and we’d have a separate cabin somewhere, hotel, or Airbnb so they wouldn’t be attending any part of the wedding. My mom and I were even talking to someone from her work because she knows a ton of people who live out in that area where the wedding is taking place and thought she could maybe help. Again im sorry that you feel burned for trying to accommodate me and again, that was never ever my intention.

Me: I felt that you didn’t want to go because no matter what solution or reassurance I offered, the goalposts kept shifting. It felt like your mind was already made up. If wedding planning has taught me anything, it’s that I can’t please everyone. I have tried my absolute best to be mindful of you, which is why it feels unfair to be told I didn't consider how this trip would affect you. To be completely transparent about how much I did consider you, I scrambled my family’s plans and coordinated with both my parents and Allan’s parents to rearrange our luggage just to clear a seat for you. Jamie was also willing to give up her seat in our car for you and drive herself. I bent over backwards for you and think I showed a lot of consideration for you. But at the same time I cannot be held responsible for your anxiety about feeling alone at a 40 person wedding where you know literally everyone, and where Jamie and I would have been right by your side. Those are your feelings to navigate, and there is nothing more I could have done to fix them. As for Jamie and the jealousy, I appreciate your honesty. I can understand why you’d feel those emotions, but it’s unfair that they were projected onto me the way that they were. I did include you Katie. I split the roles evenly between you and the girls. I chose you to hold my bouquet, you to fix my dress and veil before I walk down the aisle, and you to help me set up our reception. And just to be clear one last time, Jamie was only riding with us because she asked first. If you had asked first, the answer would have been yes. It makes me feel disappointed that it played out this way. I have a lot of empathy for your anxiety, but I cannot let it dictate my wedding or be blamed for it because I have been mentally struggling with the aftermath of it. I truly hope it’s something you can work on because it’s not fun at all for both parties when anxiety interferes with your relationships with people.

Katie: I also have a lot going on too with my family and my health as I’ve been called to go back to the clinic to have some sort of discussion next week, which also plays a factor into my anxiety right now. I’m just going to leave this because this conversation continues to go in circles. You won’t have to worry about me now, so hopefully that helps relieve some stress. I wish you and Allan all the best. I really do. I’m sure it will be beautiful and I still think you’ll be the most beautiful bride, you have the perfect dress. I hope you have the best time. I also don’t want our friendship to end either because you have done so much for me especially in the last year and I’m so grateful for it everyday.

Me: I’m dealing with a lot regarding wedding stress and this. It’s a hard pill for me to swallow to know my best friend won’t be at my wedding. I think it’s best to put things on pause until after the wedding. I need to get my mind right again before the wedding, and I think it could be beneficial for you to take the time to look deeper into your anxiety and address it with somebody. I really do feel a lot of your anxiety (including the jealousy) was unfairly projected onto me, even if you didn’t mean to do so. I cannot be held responsible for anybody’s negative thoughts/belief patterns. Especially after I’ve offered reassurance and solutions for their feelings. I really, really hope it’s something you can work through.

We have not talked since and honestly I don’t know if I will talk to her again after the wedding. I needed to put some space between us at the very least. It is so frustrating. Especially the part where she brought up how *SHE* wanted to be the one to do all the planning and whatnot. She never once asked in the last year if I wanted a bridal shower or bachelorette. My sister in law and Jamie asked, and took it upon themselves to plan it. She can’t be mad or jealous over that, but somehow she is. She also deleted all our photos together on social media which I think is so immature. I know I don’t need to figure it all out today or tomorrow. I am beyond pissed off right now.

I (25F) am getting married next month. My fiancé "Allan” (26M) and I are having a small, intimate destination wedding (40 people total including me and Allan) about a 5 hour drive from where we live.

My best friend "Katie" (25F) suffers from severe anxiety. We’ve been best friends since we were 6 years old, and she’s struggled with anxiety for as long as I’ve known her. Last month she asked if she could catch a ride with Allan and me to the wedding because she can't handle highway driving alone. I had to tell her no because another close friend "Jamie" had claimed the only spot in our backseat a year ago. Katie blew up at me and accused me of "choosing Jamie over her”. She also brought up the fact that I chose Jamie to be one of our witnesses and how that was a “slap to the face”. I only chose Jamie as my witness because the person that Allan chose as his witness is Katie’s ex. We were literally just trying to keep things as neutral as possible considering it’s a very small wedding.

For context (because I think this part is important and explains some of her behaviour), is that Katie still lives at home and is heavily coddled by her mom (her mom still makes her bed, does her laundry, and even stayed in a hotel with her a few years ago for a wedding that was only 2 hours away). Her mom does her absolutely no favours. Her mom also went to my mom last year to critique our colour theme lol.

After reading some advice online about showing grace and understanding for anxiety, my family, Allan, and I bent over backwards to solve her problem. We rearranged all our logistics. Katie even told me herself “like really your dress doesn’t have to ride with you. Your family can take your dress for you so that there’s room in your backseat for me”. So my parents agreed to take some of our luggage, and Allan’s parents agreed to drive up a day early with my wedding dress so we would have room in our car to give Katie a ride. We have now solved her problem. We are providing her transportation AND we paid for her accommodations.

When I told her that we got it figured out and she can hop in the car with us and Jamie, she thanked me, but then the goalposts immediately shifted. She the. started complaining that she didn't have a plus-one (we aren't doing general plus-ones because it's a tiny, intimate wedding, and she knows literally all 40 guests attending). She said “you can be in a room full of people and still feel alone. Nobody there even likes me and almost everyone will have a significant other. I’ll be excluded. I don't think I can go." I tried to reassure her and tell her that Jamie also has no plus-one and has to deal with seeing her ex as well, but she then Katie said that a “Wednesday to Sunday trip is a bit too long”. Then she said “I feel like you don’t even want me there because I feel like a pain in the asses for you and Allan’s families having to rearrange things”. I literally was just doing what she told me???? Then she ended it with that she'd rather just do a supper with me after the wedding and hopes this doesn’t change anything about our friendship.

The part that drives me insane is the whole plus-one bs. She told me “I know you have a rule for it but I just don’t understand it. If you’d just give me a plus-one then we wouldn’t be having this problem”. I asked who she would even bring as a plus-one (because she’s single). She said “Honestly I don’t even know yet. I wouldn’t bring someone you guys don’t like. I’ve been talking to a guy for a few weeks who I'm meeting for the first time this Saturday. So if that goes well then it’ll probably be him." She wanted me to compromise my intimate guest list for a literal stranger she hadn't even met yet. She threw a massive fit because she doesn’t have a plus-one, but also admitted that she wouldn’t know who she’d being as a plus-one.

After she told me she was bailing to do a supper after the wedding instead, we had a bit of a text exchange. I told her I respect her choice but that I was hurt because we scrambled our entire families' schedules to accommodate her driving anxiety, only for her to shift the blame to trip length and plus-ones. I also told her that she doesn’t have to agree or understand every choice that Allan and I make, but as our friend it’s expected that she respects our choices. Considering it’s mine and Allan’s day, AND she will know every single person at the wedding. She flipped it on me and said that my message was "confusing" and made her feel unwanted, and tried to do a dramatic friendship breakup text ("You've made it clear how you feel about me, and that makes me feel awful. I truly hope you have the best wedding day and I wish you guys the best in the future").

I responded calmly and clearly as I have been this whole time, explaining that my intent was to not pressure her, but I also firmly called out the guilt tripping and the fact that she was critiquing our wedding choices instead of supporting them, and the day hasn’t even happened yet- all because she wasn’t getting her way. I accepted her apology but stood my ground. She left me on read yesterday. Haven’t heard from her since.

I am so exhausted. I'm a month out from my wedding, dealing with final planning stress, and now I feel like I've been framed as an inconsiderate, shitty friend when I literally moved mountains to get her a ride. She has transportation (us), FREE accommodations for 4 days, like idk what more we can do?

Am I crazy here? How do I even move forward in this friendship after the wedding?

One of my very closest friends, also my childhood friend, isn’t coming to my wedding anymore because I won’t drive her to it. She was involved in the planning and seemed excited about everything, was there for me when I got my dress, etc. But her tune completely changed when she found out I can’t drive her to the wedding.

My partner and I are getting married in a beautiful destination location that’s a 5 hour drive from our hometown. Some people live further away than that, so we have 4 guests (1 of them being a mom who just separated from the dad), who are flying. I completely understand that destination weddings aren’t always easy for people to make it to and it’s a big ask. For example, my friend who’s a mom and is flying to our wedding, if she said she couldn’t come anymore because of her kid, I’d never hold that against her.

To try and help ease the burden and to show our gratitude, we booked accommodations for everyone for 4 days. All they have to do is cover their transportation and the rest is taken care of for them. One of my friends asked me months ago if she could hitch a ride with my fiancé and I, and we said yes. My other friend, the childhood friend, asked a month ago if she could hop in with us too. I had to tell her no because we literally don’t have room. We have to fold down one of the seats in order to fit our luggage, my dress, etc. She gave me the silent treatment for a few weeks.

I messaged her yesterday to ask about her meal and she sent me a lengthy message explaining why she can’t come to the wedding anymore. She started off by saying “since there’s no room for me in your car, I can’t go”. Keep in mind that she has a vehicle. She has a drivers license. She can drive, and she does everyday. She absolutely CAN go. Then she said “I’m not comfortable with driving there alone”. Fair. I wouldn’t want to drive alone for 5 hours either, but I would do it if it meant showing up to one of my best friends wedding. Then she said “I looked up costs of hotels for mom and I for just the weekend instead of the full 4 days and it’s over $1000. We can’t afford that”. This is exactly why we booked accommodations for our guests. You get a 4 day trip to a beautiful location! All you have to do is transport yourself! Then she said “everyone else there has a significant other, and yes while I know them all, that doesn’t mean I won’t be excluded. And since you won’t allow me to bring my mom as a plus one, I’m going to be completely alone”. Not true. There will be one other friend there who doesn’t have a plus one. It’s not anybody’s fault she’s single. It is also a very small and tight knit group. Our wedding will consist of 40 people (including myself and my fiancé). I also don’t want her mom going because firstly, our wedding is small and intimate. We intentionally chose who we want there. Her mom would stick out like a sore thumb. Secondly, I do not like her mom. She created a lot of issues at the beginning of wedding planning, trying to tell me (and my mom), what I should be doing. I replied back to her saying “oh ok, no worries. If you change your mind let me know. There’s room for you in the cabins we booked for our guests”. She sent me a thumb up emoji.

Before anyone says it, I know she has anxiety and codependency issues with her mom. It’s something she’s struggled with for all her life but refuses to do anything about. Her mom had to drive her to a separate wedding a few years ago and stay with her at a hotel there too. Her dad had to drive her to a job she worked at that was 30 min away. She has not had to exert an ounce of independence in her life because her mom does everything for her. It’s an unhealthy relationship. She has lost a lot of friendships not because people don’t love her, but because she isn’t growing up or evolving in the ways that the rest of us are. Everyone has to do everything for her, plan everything for her, hold her hand through everything, etc. She is 26 and lives at home (nothing wrong with that, the economy is no joke), but her mom makes her bed for her, does her laundry, cooks her meals for her, cuddles her in bed anytime she isn’t feeling well, etc.

I would never hold her anxiety and codependency against her, but I am disappointed in how she worded her message. If she just said “you know I have anxiety and can’t drive out there, but I love you and feel so sad I’m missing out”, I’d be a lot more understanding. It’s the fact that she almost like guilt tripped me and came off as passive aggressive and played the victim. I don’t think she cares that it hurts me that she won’t be there. She never apologized or anything. I’m thinking of ending our friendship over it, but want some advice first.

I made a post here like 2 months ago saying that my childhood friend (I used the term “best friend” originally but realized she doesn’t deserve that
title anymore), who I was very close with, was mad at me because my finance and I aren’t driving to her our wedding. We are getting married at a beautiful destination place that’s a 5 hour drive from our hometown. One of my other friends already asked if she could hitch a ride with my fiancé and I, and we said yes. Then my childhood friend asked if she could get a ride with us a few months later. I had to tell her no because we are taking my other friend and we have literally no more room in the backseat to fit another person.

Keep in mind my friend has a car. She has a driver’s licence. She can drive. She drives everyday to work. But she can’t exert an ounce of independence and drive out to my wedding because it’s 5 hours away. We even got accommodations for everyone because we understand it is a big ask. All she has to do is drive out there.

The update: she went to RSVP since we get married in June and told me she isn’t going. She sent me a huge paragraph with a bunch of bs reasons. She said she “isn’t comfortable driving alone”, wants to bring her mom as her plus one “but you guys aren’t allowing plus one, so I’m not going”, “I don’t have a significant other. Everyone else there does” (she’s had so many failed relationships in the last year, and it’s not anyone’s fault that she’s single). She also said “I know that I know everyone going, but im not comfortable sharing accommodations with them. For me and my mom to get a hotel together for 2 nights is $1000. So I can’t go for that reason either”. She is also worried about “feeling excluded”. It felt kind of guilt trippy, but not surprising. She had her dad drive to her work every single day when she worked at a rural community 30 min away. She also had her mom drive her to a friend’s wedding that was 2 hours away and stayed in a hotel with her mom. This girl’s mom does everything for her. She is 26 and still lives at home (not at all making fun of her for this), BUT her mom will cuddle her to sleep if she’s not feeling good, makes her meals for her, does her laundry for her, etc. She’s never had to be independent of her mom and you know, grow up…

I am beyond pissed. All I said to her was “no worries, but I understand”. She hasn’t replied since. I don’t know what to think or say. We have been friends our whole lives and I’ve showed up for her countless times. The ONE time where I expected her to show up, and she pulls this on me. I’m not even upset that she can’t go, it’s how she’s framing it to be MY fault. She came with me to go dress shopping, she was the first to know about my engagement, she was there for all of it. Now she isn’t going.

ETA: she has done this exact drive before 2 years ago to travel to Vegas. But she won’t do it to come to my wedding. We also are doing a small and intimate 30 person wedding because we want it that way. We do NOT want her mom there for that reason.

Picked up chicken breast from the store today. Best before date on the package said May. 22. I opened the package at home to slice it up and noticed it smelled stronger than usual (didn’t smell bad/rotten/stinky). Just smelled like.. iron? Fleshy? Chicken-y? Can’t say I’ve had chicken smell like such strong iron before? I still cooked it and ate some of it. Even while eating it, the smell was still there and tasted more “chicken/y” than usual. I’m so nervous guys. Has anyone else had this happen?

In the episode of Karen and Scott where the ex gf was saying she went to a medium to get a reading done because her dad had passed away, and she said the medium pulled the ‘Devil’ card… chills. The medium told her that there’s a bad energy around her, the person is on drugs, and that she sees jail. How insane is that? Was anyone else spooked?!