u/CapitalConfection500

Same as above

I have been part of this sub for more than a year now. I’ve seen thousands of posts here and have given hundreds of suggestions to others.

But when it was finally my turn, I fumbled. Big time.

Here’s my story.

I had recently joined a new job in a completely new domain, new city(Banglore) and it was overwhelming for me. Career-wise, I was already in a lot of dilemma and stress. I was probably at the lowest point of my life mentally. I was trying to adjust to the new role, understand the work, and somehow get myself stable.

Around the same time, my parents had started looking for matches for me. I thought the process would take a few months, and by then I would get settled in my job and be in a better mental state to take a decision.

But things didn’t happen that way.

One match came up. Initially, I told my parents to continue looking at other matches too. But they felt that since the girl had a decent profile and had recently got a job, we should at least go and see her instead of rejecting without meeting.

So one day, we went to her home.

My first impression was okay. She seemed decent. At that point, if I’m being honest, I was mostly looking at looks and basic compatibility. Since she also had a decent job,(we both make 20LPA) I thought maybe we could take some time, talk properly, and then decide.

But the very next day, my father started following up aggressively and asked me to confirm almost immediately.

Somehow, I managed to drag it for three days. But on the fourth day, he came to my room, sat there, and it almost felt like he was not going to leave until I gave him some decision. Typical Gujarati father(no offense to others)

Because of my job pressure, mental stress, and overall confusion, I just said something like, “Do as you like.” It was not a wholehearted yes. It was not a clear decision from my side. It was more like I gave up in that moment.

After that, one thing led to another. Somehow, everything got fixed within two weeks.

And the worst part is, there was not much conversation between us before things got finalized. We only chatted. Not even a single phone call.

How stupid was I?

Over time, I was able to develop some connection with her. Not a very deep connection, but at least a minimum to medium level of comfort. Still, some part of my mind is not fully ready for this.

But at this point, I don’t think I can do anything.

I like their family a lot. They are genuinely good people, very affectionate and respectful. Even she is also a very good person, I can say that with confidence. If there is one person who messed up in this whole situation, it is me.

When I needed to be firm, I couldn’t be. When I needed to take a proper decision, I failed. I kept making one mistake after another.

I knew I was not ready. Still, I went ahead with it.

What a stupid thing to do.

We are getting married in the next one month. I have no plans to cancel it. As I mentioned, I like her family very much, and she is also a good person. (though I'm struggling with the attraction part)

So now, it feels like it is in God’s hands.

I don’t know what the future holds for me. I have decided to live one day at a time and try to do justice to the decision I have taken, even if I didn’t take it in the best state of mind.

I am not writing this post to take advice. I am writing this to give advice.

Please don’t take important life decisions when you are overwhelmed, confused, mentally exhausted, or under pressure. Especially marriage decisions.

Think thoroughly. Take your time. Don’t blindly listen to your parents, relatives, society, or anyone else. At the end of the day, you are the one who has to live with that decision.

Proceed only when you feel it is right from inside. Not 60%, not 70%, not “maybe it will work out somehow.” For something as serious as marriage, don’t compromise on clarity.

If you are confused, do a brain dump. Write down everything you are feeling. Meditate if that helps. Sit with a calm mind. Take some proper alone time. Think about attraction, compatibility, communication, family expectations, your own mental state, and whether you are actually ready.

Put real effort into the decision.

Don’t just go with the flow because others are pushing you.

Don’t mess it up like I did.

And as a cherry on top, I later saw someone from their side, a relative of theirs, and I felt attracted to her. Sometimes my mind goes into stupid thoughts like, “What if she was the person I was going to marry?”

I know how immature and unfair that sounds. I know it is wrong. That is exactly why I feel even more disappointed in myself.

This whole experience has shown me how indecisive, underconfident, and emotionally unprepared I was when I should have been mature and firm.

So if anyone is reading this and is currently in the arranged marriage process, please don’t repeat my mistake.

Take your time.

Have proper conversations.

Don’t say yes just because your parents are pressuring you.

Don’t say yes just because the family is good.

Don’t say yes just because the person is good.

Say yes only when you are also ready.

Thanks to this sub people... even though I failed to take your advice. I'm leaving the sub as well.

Thanks for reading.

TL;DR: I was mentally stressed because of a new job and still went ahead with an arranged marriage match under family pressure without taking enough time, proper conversations, or a clear decision from my side. The girl and her family are good people, and I’m not cancelling anything, but I regret how immature and indecisive I was. My advice: don’t take marriage decisions when you are confused, overwhelmed, or pressured. Take your time and say yes only when you are truly ready.

But I'm(29) attracted to her sister a bit more.

I never imagined I would end up in such a confused emotional state, and honestly, I hate myself for it. I walked into this alliance too casually, without thinking deeply enough, and now I feel trapped between guilt, responsibility, and emotions I never expected.

She is genuinely a good person with a nice family, and we are only at the beginning of building emotional bonding. But somewhere along the way, I started feeling more attracted toward her sister, and I feel terrible even admitting that. I have never acted on it or encouraged it in any way, but the feelings are there.

What makes this harder is that I already feel the physical attraction toward my prospect is not fully where I expected it to be. I kept hoping emotional connection would slowly bridge that gap, but instead my mind has become more confused.

Sometimes I honestly feel helpless against my own thoughts, like I created a situation that is unfair to everyone involved. If I could go back in time, I probably would have never entered this setup at all, just to save her from this confusion.

I'm with the single organisation from the beginning. It's a product based company. Currently at 20LPA.

Am I getting paid according to the market standards?

How much should I quote if I want to switch...also is it a good time to switch considering the market conditions.

Context: Sitaram 16 pages su**de letter.

Dear Sitaram,

If there is another life...I hope you get everything you deserve in this life. May your soul rest in peace.

______________

Even in his last moments he wanted to spend sometime with his wife. Papam.

Twitter lo undi 16 pages letter. Good read it and get some insight guys.

నరుడి బ్రతుకు నటన ఈశ్వరుడి తలపు ఘటన

ఆ రెంటి నట్ట నడుమ నీకెందుకింత తపన

తెలుసా మనసా నీకిది తెలిసీ అలుసా

తెలిసీ తెలియని ఆశల వయాసీ వరసా

My friend...6th class nundi 12th varaku Kalisi chaduvukunnam.

School lo manchi kho kho player vaadu. Kabaddi. Volleyball, 100M ,500M races anni chesevadu. Chala win ayyadu. Such a sports man.

Few days back accident aindi and oka leg amputated.

Alanti sports person ala oka leg lekunda...asalu imagine cheskolekapotuna.

Entha maaya ra babu ee life.

So we got engaged after one meet and 2 weeks of daily chatting for hours.

But today we were discussing about family members earnings. But she kept on skipping the question. She wasnt revealing the numbers. Then I told her it feels like she is trying to skip the question. Then after sometime she revealed that she earns more than me. ~5L more annually

Where as in our first meet when we visited her home. So said she earns one lakh less than me annually. We revealed our packages openly.

But now this comes as a sudden shock to me. She and her parents lied bluntly to my face. Now I feel very low and sad. Now I wonder what else they lied about. Wonder if they kept some secrets or something. I question everything now.

On the other hand, I'm dealing with my work pressure. And now this. I don't know how to respond. I feel numb.

I already feel like I rushed this engagement part and working to build the emotional bonding and attraction.

Then this happened.

Did anyone face this situation.