u/Careful-Skin5279

These are my goals I'm currently in a phase , not motivation but desperation ,

I'm Shree, 18. My parents were conservative growing up — couldn't learn dance, missed out on flute lessons due to fees. Things are different now and I'm finally chasing what I want.

Here are my goals:

Be physically healthy, strong, and flexible

Maintain a 3.5–3.8 GPA

Learn neuroscience + the art of learning

Learn dance

Learn flute

Play chess regularly for cognitive growth

Wake up at 5:15 AM for spiritual practices

Learn manifestation — both the brain-rewiring science side AND the spiritual side

Here's my problem: I think I have ADHD. I genuinely struggle to concentrate and stay consistent.

I believe being guided is better than figuring everything out alone. How do I actually make all this happen?

Because I wanna do this z I have to , I've finnally come out of my anxiety i have to take the action no matter what

Whoever it is it'll be helpful if u help me with this ,♥️guide me 🙏🏻

I can't handle any more

I'm shree , .

18 now I'm a male ,

This is a long story if u want u can read or fuck it i

So ya I'm from India ,

I was born in 2008, till age 7 I was the quickest child in my class for academic , strategic thinking,etc

Life was fine until 5th standard,

6th holy grail started , I wanted to learn bharatanatyam, I wanted to learn flute , these are my 2 favourite till date thing I havent learnt but I still love it

Bharatanatyam is indian dance, i loved it there are more female doing it but males tooo i loved itttt

My fuckin bitch parents never let me join anything

They bought me a flute that's very low quality, it broke in 3 months but they didn't enroll me into bharatnatyam nor flutee ... I have high expectations of me...

I wanted to test myself am I good in sports after fighting and being called useless , I joined i didn't do well cuz I couldn't

7th 8th grade was the worst thing too it was lockdown

I had the worst friends who've abused me verbally for 2 hours cuz I fucked up in battle royal game ( one thing later i went and I became esport player for a while )

Yes 6th grade I was beaten up , none of my teachers cares , I was called a dumbduck , ,

I lost interest in studies I lost interest in everything at that point i was useless

9th grade I'm back j got beaten up , my dad is a fucker at that time taking too many loans ,

My mom broke her leg I took care of her , my sister is the worst selfish sadist bitch, she didn't do ntg

I took care of my mom , i couldn't study due to being back on classes notes everything,

But that bitch my mother I got beaten up i told her she genuinely told what to do , don't fight back get beaten up i swear I'll never forgive her , I hate her I hate my parents

9th got over 10th grade , here 10th grade is like a stage where they think life depends on this score

They used my fuckin savings to pay my transport facilities to school ,

And i was mentally not stable they were fighting daily , and I wanted a tutor here it cost around 500 to 800 dollars

I didn't want them to spend cuz they're broke , why make them suffer n ya in the end i scored average 69%

11th I was confused what to take just bcz they saw my math marks in 10th they didn't let me take science,

Nor maths with commerce

Fuckin bitch my options are limited

12th they're still fighting I'm emotionally fucked ,

And i scored average again in 12th

76%

I love a institute called Indian statistical institute it's my dream

... Because of my 11th or thier 11th decision by forcing, not guiding i couldn't go in there cuz no maths

See 12th they've changed little bit

Tbh

But my schooling years were fucked ..

My childhood feels fucked I can't be the dancer I wanted to be cuz my dad taught it's old ways and dance is for girls , i couldn't be flutist cuz they thought it'll ruin my studies ,

Now Ive joint a uni n it starts in aug,

I want to go to the #1 uni in my country im ready to work hard ,

From the next jan I need coaching it would costly 220 dollars per year ,

For 2 years

... They're thinking to spend ,but my mom promised she will

She has apologized for her mistakes I can't forgive... My dad never realised ...

The thing is I'm blamed for my marks ,

school i told them to change , the school i recomend it's around 80 dollars more expensive

They were paying 800 dollars

N it just little more my life couldve been diff ,

I wanted a goood education

Idk I'm hurt i couldn't be what I wanted to be , and it took me time to grow back

I'm great at economics so I took bachelor in economics and maths

I'm still sad i couldn't pursue maths even though I love it ,

I became good at studies , I lost my percentile in language

I am good at public speaking from being a person never entered a stage to where off now won awards related

I've worked hard learn video editing posters vfx and made little side income for myself

But still I feel useless , i don't feel iev created that identity I wanted to

The math guy , all though now I can still,

The dancer , the chess player of atleast 2200 rating , the flutist , it isn't fulfilled l

I wanted to be a artist yes making posters etc I did that through my own efforts without support

A great economics student again my efforts

But I couldn't digest my precious schooling years were crap

I couldn't be what I wanted

Ik I've abused my family members I'm sorry it just anger

I've never done harm to anyone I help , i always go and be there for people emotionally,

I value people

I value everyone alottr

I respect help

I helped alot people in reddit and I'm scared but can someone give ur opinion pleasee

Idk what to do anxiety , the anger , i feel so har,d, I got beaten up , I am here bcz of someone else wrong choice,.idk what to do .. Idk can I be a dancer still, idk can I be a flutist still i feel incomplete

And there are alot of typos sorry for ittt I typed really fasg

I have to do this or achieve this

I hate my life , I wish I could end it , i don't wanna continue it and pls give ur opinion

Is clearing actuarial papers like cm1 cm2 cs1 cs2 help in statistical career

Does clearing actuarial papers like cs1 cs2 cm1 cm2 help ? For future in jobs related to statistics