I was about to clock in and I saw my stats. Our team leads post our stats with our names for the whole team to see and I'm not performing well due to severe anxiety and depression. I'm going to a temp agency in the morning to see if I can find work elsewhere. This job is too much.
I feel so much relief. My son and my family will understand it's not their fault. They'll know I just couldn't deal with being in pain anymore.
I was going to keep fighting, but I realized today that I'm a bad mom because I started safely teaching my eleven year old son how to drive on a dead end road. He also knows how to park. He asked if he can start learning and he's actually pretty good at it and we never go on highways or anything like that because of course that illegal and dangerous and he would have to have a learner's permit with me present in the car.
So. I wrote my note. His dad is an amazing parent and he will thrive with him.
I'm a 33f very happy being single. It's just my ten year old son and I. Our house is always clean, I don't have to worry about putting my hobbies off for a partner who would rather do something else. On the weekends when my son is with his father, I can go out and do things like solo painting classes or just have a cozy movie night in with a glass of wine.
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I told my mom last night that I don't want to get married because I don't want another adult living with me. I've been there, done that. I'm much more at peace now. She thinks I just need healing and time and that's why I feel this way.
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Why do most people associate being happily single to needing help? I'm confused.
I drank a bottle of wine last night after I promised myself I won't drink anymore because I message people and listen to inappropriate music while dancing when I do.
I want to do everything right like everyone else but it's hard.
I push everyone away because I'm a horrible person.
I'm on Lexapro but I'm still depressed. I feel like if I wasn't a mom I wouldn't be alive. I don't know what to do.