u/Careless_Problem_674

Since my 20s (am older now), I have been often mistaken for staff in many places, including cafes, restaurants, grocery stores, gyms, and was even 'assumed' to be a warehouse assistant as I was walking by a Trader Joe's food stocking garage area with my groceries. I was always in normal clothes.

Another example could be in a cafe where I'm sitting outside waiting for my drink, and a lady asks me if she places her order with me, when the cashier and ordering areas are clearly marked.

This does bother me because it has been happening even more lately, despite being older now. I don't like my personal space being invaded when I'm in public, and yet it is invaded frequently. And yes, sometimes they don't accept the 'no' answer and I have to keep explaining myself.

I have been given MANY reasons for why such as, you 'look confident' or you 'are approachable' or you are a female minority or you are short. I understand all that, but why would any of those be reasons for it happening so frequently when staff in these places have uniforms or stand in the designated service areas, like by a cash register or behind the counter? Why they do assume it's me dressed in everyday clothes. I'm not unkempt or anything either.

I was a teacher for several years and many people didn't believe I was an actual teacher or said I didn't 'look like a teacher,' whatever that means. But I look like a barista, waitress, store associate, or whatever else people think I am. And yes, I live in a diverse area.

Does anyone else experience this? I know I'm insecure...but how do I not let it bother me or how people perceive me to the point where I get anxious about going out in public?

I don't know if this is a weird question, but my experience is so pervasive I have to ask.

I am an adult female, and ever since childhood, I have had people repeatedly seek me out to tell me how beautiful either they themselves are, or someone else is. I'm not a jealous person and admire beauty...I ask because it happens very frequently and sporadically, so I'm not sure if this is a 'normal' way people communicate or bond?

For example, I was working out at the gym and a girl on a treadmill many feet in front of me turns around and literally starts screaming to me about how jealous she is over how beautiful one of the girl's in the exercise class is, and how she just dying of jealousy. I just stared at her because I didn't know how to respond and I was jogging on machine.

Another example, I was at work walking towards the office and a coworker I normally don't talk to stops me in a corner and says, 'We need to talk.' She then proceeds to tell me how another coworker is considered very beautiful and exotic by all the other customers, etc. I just didn't understand why she was telling me and what I was supposed to say?

Other examples are talking to female friends, coworkers, and acquaintances who immediately discuss how they get so many men, that they are being stalked so bad by men, etc., how they are so jealous of so-and-so because she is so gorgeous.

Other examples are men raving to another female right next to me about how beautiful she is and how all the guys must be chasing her down.

I know people are going to say I am jealous and insecure. Insecure, probably, but jealous, no. Again, I admire beauty in people and nature. I personally don't think I'm ugly, just average, etc., which is fine.

I just want to understand if by constantly bringing up these topics to me, people are indirectly telling me where I fall in the social hierarchy (on the lower end) or why they are telling me these things. Also, I sometimes get uncomfortable with the topic, especially when they deep dive on how wonderful this person's body is, and don't know how to shut it down without being labeled as jealous. My social skills definitely need pruning.

As I said, these types of interactions are almost constant, and come from both genders, all ages, demographics, and places, even from strangers and family, in all locations.

Has anyone experienced this?

I have routinely come across people where we are just having a normal conversation and I will ask a question, like 'How are you feeling?' or 'Were you able to talk to him?' and the person responds in a rage like, how dare I ask such a question. Or they explode and yell, interrupt, and talk over me, as if the question is stupid or ridiculous. Sometimes I am so taken aback by these people's reactions that I don't know how to respond. Or if I do respond that they are being disrespectful to me, they become even more explosive and justify their behavior.

Here are some more examples:

A manager had an urgent appointment, but instead of leaving for it, she was cowering in a corner shaking. So I asked her if she was okay. She responded by screaming at me and telling me it wasn't my place to 'monitor her behavior.' She later told me she screamed because she thought I was conspiring with a coworker against her. Like, what??

My mom said she ran into a former coworker she didn't like, and I asked her if the coworker tried to greet her in any way. My mom started yelling at me and screaming sarcastically, 'Yeah, he just came right over and said hello!' etc.

I'm not necessarily looking for the reasons they act this way (narcissism, mental illness, perceiving a weaker target), but more for tips on how to defuse or simply avoid the interaction all together. When people give me this type of energy, it really makes me not want to be around them whatsoever. But when these situations happen on jobs or with family members I have to live with, I'm not sure how to deal. These people don't respond well to reasonable discussion or confrontation.

Any tips? I suppose there is no way around this in jobs except for finding a better work environment or to grey rock them as much as possible.

Is anyone trying hard to find their life's purpose right now? I know that's a very broad statement. However, having struggled to keep employment since COVID after leaving the education field, it's something I have been journeying towards unsuccessfully. I have tried pivoting into a few new careers or jobs, but end up leaving or getting fired, mostly from bullying.

Is anyone else in the same situation? I realize a job and purpose may not be the same thing, but as a Christian, I keep hearing that God has a specific plan for each of us.

Has anyone else experienced repetitive, humiliating bullying and harassment on jobs? This includes mistreatment at any kind of job from hostessing, office work, classroom teaching, etc. Sometimes the mistreatment is immediate. For example, coworkers falsely accusing me, making passive aggressive comments, insisting I clean up messes I didn’t make, telling other people in your department not to talk to me, running out the room during department meetings to ghost me, secretaries not complying with repeated supply requests to complete my tasks though complying with other teachers. This adverse behavior has come from mostly other females but also from males, and from people in every ethnic demographic.

I am a petite female myself and definitely need to be more assertive, but my assertiveness never got me anywhere in the past.

My family say I am too sensitive and can’t handle people, which is true. However, the animosity and bullying gets so bad, that I get fired or have to leave. It’s almost like certain people are trying to destroy me the minute they see me. And in the meantime I didn’t respond or engage negatively with these people to provoke it.

I am not a rude or obnoxious person. I have been told that I am an easy target, but why do people need a target in the first place? Especially in a job .

I bring this up because my experience has been so pervasive, that I can’t keep a job or a career because of the bullying. I am now traumatized and therapy really did not help. This type of work dynamic doesn’t seem normal, but maybe it is qnd people just know how to handle it.

I have observed that other females/races don’t receive the same treatment I have had on these particular jobs, so I can’t seem to place what the root cause is. Because everyone always makes it a racial issue. I am not white, I’m more on the tan, Sicilian-looking side. But again, I have worked in diverse environments and didn’t observe this treatment towards other female minorities, as far as I know.

Has anyone had similar experiences?