u/CazadorHolaRodilla

Disclaimer: I have been to therapy and a very close family member of mine is a therapist.

It's become a cliché on Reddit that the answer to almost any problem is simply "go to therapy," as though therapy were a one stop solution to every personal struggle. I've been on Reddit for 5+ years, and I don't remember this being nearly as prevalent back then. It feels like the sentiment has exploded over the past few years. At the same time, I'm constantly hearing popular podcasters read ads for online therapy companies like BetterHelp. Maybe these things are unrelated, but the timing has made me question how much of this cultural shift has been driven by marketing.

What really brought this home for me is how often people respond to a difference of opinion with "you need therapy." I can express a perfectly ordinary perspective, and if it doesn't align with another Redditor's worldview, the assumption seems to be that something must be psychologically wrong with me. Apparently, the disagreement itself is evidence that I need professional help.

Since when did therapy become the default explanation for why someone thinks differently? It seems like a reductive way to approach something as complex as the human mind. Not every disagreement is a symptom, not every unconventional opinion is a sign of dysfunction, and not every personal struggle can be solved by talking to a therapist.

To be clear, I'm not arguing that therapy is inherently bad or that there is some grand conspiracy (therapy industrial complex) behind it. Therapy can be genuinely helpful, and there are situations where professional help is needed. But there's also a massive financial incentive for the mental health industry to expand the number of people who believe they absolutely need its services. When a culture starts treating deviations from socially accepted opinions or behaviors as evidence of psychological dysfunction, it creates a convenient market for an industry that profits from addressing that dysfunction.

Ironically, even after posting this, I am sure there will be more than a handful of NPCs that will try to dig through my post history, find any controversial opinion that I have made, and claim that I am deeply troubled and need therapy.

I had a somewhat unique opportunity to see this firsthand. I moved to an East Asian country for training for 1-2 years alongside roughly 500 Western coworkers. Many arrived excited about the experience and fascinated by the idea of living in a society they viewed as more collectivist. But once they actually encountered what collectivism could mean in everyday life, many of their views began to change.

Part of the problem is that many people in the West use the word collectivism when what they really mean is something like universal health care, public transportation, social safety nets, or higher levels of public spending. Those policies may reflect a greater emphsais on collective responsibility, but they do not necessarily define collectivism.

A genuinely collectivist society places the needs of the group above the preferences of the individual. You are not viewed solely as an independent person making choices for yourself; you are also part of a family, workplace, community, etc. and ur behavior can be judged according to how it affects that group. That can create strong social cohesion and a sense of responsibility toward others, but it can also come with greater social pressure, stronger expectations to conform, and less tolerance for prioritizing personal desires over group harmony.

This is where I think many Westerners would discover that they are far more individualistic than they realize. Many ideas that are extremely popular among Western progressives are deeply rooted in individualism: the idea that you should prioritize your personal happiness, leave relationships or families that do not fulfill you, pursue therapy (the internet's favorite advice) and self-discovery, openly express your identity (e.g., gay/transgender), reject traditional expectations, and make major life choices based primarily on what feels right for YOU. Regardless of whether u agree with those values, they are fundamentally individualistic values.

That is why it is misleading to assume that a society can simply combine every progressive Western social value with a deeply collectivist culture. In many genuinely collectivist societies, individual expression may be less important than family expectations, social harmony, tradition, or conformity. Social attitudes toward issues such as LGBT acceptance, mental health treatment, immigration (countries like Japan are 98% Japanese), divorce, and unconventional lifestyles can look very different from those found in western societies.

My point ins't necessarily that collectivism is bad or that individualism is inherently good. Both have strengths and weaknesses. The point is simply that many Westerners seem to want the benefits they associate with collectivism without necessarily wanting the cultural expectations that often accompany it.

So by all means you can advocate for a bigger social safety net, but don't call yourself a collectivist unless you've actually lived in a collectivist society and prefer that over Western societies. Most Westerners who say they prefer collectivism over individualism would probably not enjoy living in a genuinely collectivist society.

Evidence: nothing that Mamdani has done is actually revolutionary or socialist. I’ve listened to some interviews and most recently his one with Jon Stewart. When pushed about how he’s funding all his programs he basically admits he’s just simply using a mix of cost reductions savings (his own version of DOGE), accounting tricks, and pushing the can down the road. This is just standard neoliberalism, a pretty far throw from democratic socialism.

Sure, he has good PR and fixing the potholes and cleaning the subway is all good but again, that’s just standard politics. His whole brand seems to be trying to prove that the government can function well and does it with a big ol grin so everyone loves it while ignoring the fact that he’s supposedly a democratic socialist. In reality, he’s just a standard liberal who wants to expand the welfare state.

Date: 2036

Note: I’m also open to the possibility that in 10 years his mayoral-ship will be ridden with scandals. Idk something about his grin just rubs me the wrong way.

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First I’ll start with a disclaimer: this does not apply to kids as I know kids need proper nutrition to develop properly.

Recent data shows that 74% of Americans are overweight. That means 74% of Americans need to lose weight in order to be considered at a healthy body weight.

As someone who has been in all three categories during my life (underweight, normal weight, and overweight) but mostly underweight, I can say the only way I was able to switch from the overweight category to normal weight category was by eating less and going to bed every night hungry and waking up slightly hungry.

Yet in popular terminology, the phrase “going to bed hungry” has been demonized and associated with childhood poverty, starvation, etc. which then makes many people unconsciously associate hunger as something bad when in reality it is one of the only ways to lose weight and maintain a healthy body weight.

Edit: guys I obviously know the phrase “don’t go to bed hungry” wasn’t medical advice but rather a take on poverty. But my argument is that the phrase is still misleading regardless because many kids who are now adults took that phrase literally and now think under no circumstances should they go to bed hungry.

Date: 30 years (2056)

Evidence: similar to how the working class uniforms (e.g., lumberjack flannel and mustache) have become mainstream, in 30 years when construction work has become more automated, we will see young kids in high school start to wear visibility clothing (those bright neon yellow/orange/green/pink shirts) more regularly.

I’ve noticed recently how some people can go through the exact same emotional challenge but have a completely (almost opposite) physical responses.

Let me give an example i’ve noticed recently as it relates to me. About 1.5 years ago I went through a divorce after I discovered she was cheating on me. I developed severe anxiety, waking up every night, being unable to eat to the point where I lost 5-10 lbs (I’m already a skinny guy so i didnt have much weight to lose). I basically had to force myself to eat everyday as my stomach just felt like a solid brick.

Now compare that to other breakup stories where I hear people start binge eating and gaining weight after a breakup essentially having the complete opposite physical reaction that I experienced.

Is this something that is a learned behavior that develops during childhood? I do consider myself a foodie and love trying new cuisines but i’ve never understood how people use food as a coping mechanism. To be honest one of the reasons im asking is im actually a bit jealous of people who experience the ladder reaction as they at least have a somewhat acceptable mechanism to cope with their pain.

I’m tired of hearing this misconception that after a divorce you need time to “process” it (I still haven’t found a good explanation of what this even means) or take time to work on yourself, etc. before you start dating again.

Nobody treats breakups from non-married couples the same way. But just because we signed some government document we are held to a higher standard than everyone else?

Most people jump around sleeping with whoever is willing to get into bed with them and jump from one fling to the next and that’s perfectly socially acceptable but “oh gee don’t date that other guy cause he recently got divorced”. If anything someone who went through a divorce shows strong signs of someone who is willing to commit, someone who at least tried, someone who fought for their relationship.

Of course, there are some scenarios when you truly do need to work on yourself, especially if your actions were the cause of the divorce (e.g., addictions, infidelity, abuse, etc.).

But for the rest of us who fought til the very end, who stayed loyal, who bettered ourselves throughout the relationship, who took care of our mental/emotional/physical health instead of letting ourselves go… only you can decide when you are ready to date again. Stop with this “you need to wait at least a year” or “for each year you were married, you need to take a month to recover” bs.

Yah divorce sucks, and it takes time to fully heal from it (especially in the case of infidelity or abuse) just like it takes time to heal from any tragedy. But the truth is the pain will never fully go away, just like when losing a loved one. It just gets easier to bear.

So when you start dating, just be honest with your dates where you are mentally/emotionally and then the cards in their hands whether or not they want to pursue something further. Ignore the haters. You deserve to be happy again

1. I’m no longer controlled by the fear of divorce. I grew up in a culture where divorce is heavily stigmatized. Because of that, one of my biggest life goals was to never get divorced. I made sure my ex wife knew how important that was to me.

Looking back, that mindset kept me trapped in an unhappy marriage far longer than it should have. Even after discovering financial infidelity and other major lies that should have been relationship ending, I kept holding on. I spent years trying to save something that was already broken because I was more afraid of divorce than I was of being unhappy.

Now that I’ve actually gone through a divorce, that fear is gone. Divorce is no longer this terrifying, life defining failure in my mind. If a future relationship becomes unhealthy, dishonest, or damaging to my well-being, I won’t stay simply to avoid the label of being divorced. My mental health, happiness, and self-respect matter more than any cultural taboo.

Even for a year after my divorce I was still fearful of “what if I get remarried and divorced again?!” And then recently it dawned on me….”who cares?” Who cares if I get divorced twice or three times or even ten times. Fear of divorce itself will never keep me in an unhealthy relationship again.

2. I have a much better understanding of when to fight and when to walk away. Before, I believed that perseverance could solve almost anything in a relationship. Now I understand that not every relationship can or should be saved.

I’ve learned the difference between normal struggles that are worth working through and deeper issues that consistently erode trust, respect, and happiness. I’ve become more aware of the warning signs, more honest with myself about reality, and more willing to accept when a relationship is no longer moving in a healthy direction.

It seems like such a lower effort, lower cost, lower commitment, less invasive way to solve this problem that most men go through. Women use artificial stuff all the time (e.g., wigs, padding, makeup, drawn on eyebrows, etc.) to make themselves more attractive and it is totally acceptable yet wearing a wig/toupee as a man doesnt seem to have much acceptance (take for example Trump who wears a toupee and it is something he is often mocked for doing). Am I missing something?

A little over a year ago I (31M) got divorced. We were together for 9 years and married for 7. Admittedly I got married too young and there was some religious expectation (which I am no longer a part of) that played a role in my decision. Regardless of the religious aspect, like many other people I had that feeling of “I just knew” she was the one. Even when I first met her, I had this weird feeling that I had already known her and one of the first things I said to her was “I know you from somewhere right?”

When we met, she was ambitious (working full time while starting up a double major), health conscious, very active, wanted to have kids, and very loyal. But by the time we got divorced, she was a college dropout, gained 50 pounds, financially irresponsible, did not want kids, and (worst of all) a cheater. I had always told her from the start that my number one goal in life was to never get divorced and well, last year I failed at that goal.

With that being said I do want to get married again and start a family but I feel like I can never truly trust my instincts again. Even if I get that feeling of “she is the one”, how can I trust it given the fact that I have already been through this and was incorrect?

A little over a year ago I (31M) got divorced. We were together for 9 years and married for 7. Admittedly I got married too young and there was some religious expectation (which I am no longer a part of) that played a role in my decision. Regardless of the religious aspect, like many other people I had that feeling of “I just knew” she was the one. Even when I first met her, I had this weird feeling that I had already known her and one of the first things I said to her was “I know you from somewhere right?”

When we met, she was ambitious (working full time while starting up a double major), health conscious, very active, wanted to have kids, and very loyal. But by the time we got divorced, she was a college dropout, gained 50 pounds, financially irresponsible, did not want kids, and (worst of all) a cheater. I had always told her from the start that my number one goal in life was to never get divorced and well, last year I failed at that goal.

With that being said I do want to get married again and start a family but I feel like I can never truly trust my instincts again. Even if I get that feeling of “she is the one”, how can I trust it given the fact that I have already been through this and was incorrect?