u/Character-Rate-8358

Hi everyone,

I just wanted share this experience, because it's pretty infuriating. I F(21) have a narcissistic mother F(49). My family is currently renovating our house and buying things like new furniture, lamps, and other decorations. My mother decided to move our living room TV upstairs to the media room, and buy a new one. When we went to Best Buy last weekend, she became dazzled by the biggest OLED S95F that's around $2,200. Yesterday, she kept telling me that "if you open a credit card with them, they'll probably give a 20% discount" and when I said no, she starting saying "it'll make your credit better, I'll just give you the monthly payments and you can pay it off - what daughter wouldn't do that?!" and when I stood my ground, she said "of course you wouldn't do it".

Here's the thing though, my parents have both filed bankruptcy twice (almost three times); my mother has completely wrecked my father's credit score by opening up credit cards on the whim (to which she'll pay for hotel rooms to have affairs), she pays for everything in Klarna, they always miss payments on their mortgage, or for their monthly credit card payments. I know this may seem like I'm bashing them, but they can 100% live within their own means instead of my mother buying pints of vodka everyday with coconut/diet tonic water, getting fast food, making expensive trips, or getting Botox. They never paid for my $500 anesthesiology bill after getting surgery, and when they need money, they'll just take what my grandparents give me for birthdays/holidays, saying it will go to a trip, but they end up burning through it in two seconds. They keep telling me they'll pay for my college once I finish, but I highly doubt it.

I just feel like they're setting me up for failure. It worries me that my mother would even tell me to do such a thing. And what's odd is that they make it very hard for me to get a part time job, since I need to be around the house for my brothers and their RBT therapists - they both have Level 3 Autism with severe disabilities. It's crazy how money is spent like this, but every month - I get a comment from my mother saying "we need to save money, and be on a budget!!"

Thank you for my TEDtalk!

Hi everybody,

I am a glass child with two disabled Level 3 Autistic brothers. They are semi-potty trained, but will go naked around the house if unsupervised by their in-home ABA therapists. They stem all the time, listen to music on their ipads very loudly, wake up at odd hours, and suffer from grand mal seizures if stressed. I also have a narcissistic mother with alcoholism and severe anxiety, but I suspect if it's actually borderline personality disorder. Over a month ago, I found out she's been cheating on my father throughout their marriage and used me to watch my brothers so she can have fun. She's lied to me so much and even took credit for one of my paintings in the text messages; I'm 21 and go to school online to save money, but I've really sacrificed a lot in my life so far by constantly helping out around the house. I'm very tired all the time and haven't been able to look at my mother the same way. My father sat down and talked to me about my mother's text messages, apparently he knew the entire time and tried to confront her. She lied to him and he just stopped asking. He thinks that if she can get sober, that her personality will magically changed and she'll stop cheating (newsflash: she won't).

He just told me that she's got some problems, but that she loves me very much and more than anything. He didn't want to divorce her though, since that would leave me with her and put x100 more work on me than I already have to do. He acknowledges that she has a drinking problem, and said it started when I was around four (before my brothers were born), but there wasn't anything he can do about it. After many mood swings, and trauma dumps later - I am now figuring out that my living situation is very toxic.

My father started the conversation by asking what I'll get my masters in, if I'll get my PhD, and was recommending some schools nearby that I could go to. Every career path I've had this far has been tailored for the area we live in. "Want to go to optometry school? You're in luck, there's school right by us that you can go to!" "Oh you want to be a health specialist? I know a job close by!" I'm not very happy in the area that I live in currently, but no one including my extended family, ever considers it. They all just say "what would we ever do without you? You are such a blessing!" Even the in home ABA therapists want me to stay close by. Which of course they would since if I left, they would probably be out of a job. A couple of them even witnessed my mother drinking and passed out drunk, but didn't say anything, I think I was 16 at the time. Her alcohol usage is so bad that she's had withdrawal seizures twice, but she always ends up back in her old habits eventually. I started crying a bit when he was talking, but all I got was a pat on the back, a little squeeze, and simple "don't worry about me!"

The past couple of days, any guy that comes by - my mother (who is sober currently) will try and say "oh he's cute!" "I think he likes you!" "Do you think he is cute?" This might sound harmless, but I feel like they're trying to set me up with guys that live close by so that I'll never leave the area. I've always been a bit of a commitment-phobe in romantic relationships, I think it's because I don't want to be tied down, I think they'll leave once they find out my family situation. Both parents have completely flipped the switch and are trying to act like everything is normal, even wanting to renovate the house and keep talking about how excited they are. It's such a mind fuck.

I know I need to get a job, generate revenue, and move out, but it's so much easier said than done. My father insinuated that it would just destroy my mother if I moved away or didn't have a relationship with her, since my grandparents both dying really put a number on her already. But I just can't forget the things she's said and done. I should've already had an internship and a job by now, but my living situation has literally blocked that. This feels about as hard as Truman Burbank leaving Seahaven (sorry for the corny reference). I can't even leave for more than 2 hours without my phone starting to get calls in, asking where I am, what am I doing, etc. They also don't want me traveling by myself...

I don't know if anyone else's family has done this, I know that being a glass child is kind of a commodity as many families will just use us as free child care.

Hi everyone,

So I F(21) need to move out. You can look at my past post history, but my home life is not the best. I have two disabled brothers with level 3 Autism, one is completely nonverbal while the other has limited cognitive abilities. They both receive in home ABA support 40 hours a week but still struggle as they wear diapers, go around naked in the house, and stem constantly (one is also violent with self injurious behaviors); they also both have epilepsy and suffer from horrible sleeping patterns. My mother is an alcoholic, she drinks around 1/2 pint of vodka mixed in with diet tonic or coconut water throughout the day. She literally wakes up drinking alcohol. I'm in college pursuing a public health degree online and have agreed to stay at home to help out my family as 1 adult has to be present while the RBT therapists work. My mother is a narcissist, or at least somewhere on the cluster B personality disorder spectrum, however she is clinically diagnosed with ADHD and OCD. My father is a complete enabler and basically lives under a rock to how destructive she can be. She's constantly talking to me about her issues, and even trauma dumping to me for hours on end. A lot of the times if she's really drunk, she'll just not deal with brothers wanting something, leaving me to do it.

Around 2 months ago, I came across text messages that indicated she is cheating. Her affair partner being a former RBT therapist. Messages included her making plans during the week to meet up with him, getting extremely upset when he doesn't respond immediately, and treating my father and I like second class citizens. She even took credit for a painting I did, just for herself to look better in his eyes. I believe she has completely manipulated and enmeshed me as she always treated me like a friend more than a daughter. Making me go to concerts with her while she gets fucked up on alcohol, never liking my friends and constantly wanting to talk to me (even while she's bathing like wtf). I think what really upset me is that she'll lie to me saying that she needs to go to like 3 doctor appointments, when really it's just her having an affair. And I'm forced to stay at home and manage the therapists. I've tried telling my father to check her messages, but he always just says not to worry about it. Her moods are constantly up and down, I think when she's having a fight with her affair partner, she gets stressed out and takes her anger/erratic moods on us. Then when her and the affair partner make up, she goes full on domestic and acts like we're a perfect family. If she's drinking enough, she'll genuinely start the day with "I have a terrible life" while blasting Spotify music and finish the day with "you know what? I'm really excited about renovating the house! 😄" I also found out that she's been cheating on my father with multiple people throughout their marriage and will continue her behavior if not stopped.

Both of my parents have made it very hard on me when I try to be independent. I recently went to get my hair done which took about an hour and a half, right before I got back to the house, I got calls from both of my parents. When I walked in, I told them it took about an hour and a half and as a response, my mother asked "well, what were you doing during that other time?" then I had to explain that it takes about 30 minutes to drive up there and back. I can't even drive an hour away without one of my parents being with me, traveling alone is also a no-no. But this contradicts her point of "kids these days don't know how to do anything, I drove to panama city beach and back when I was like 17!" It's not like I'm a trouble maker, I never drink or smoke, I run everyday and always make sure to eat healthy.

I've been trying to build my resume with volunteer experience, but scheduling is a huge chore due to her having appointments or needing help around the house and I can't be there. She'll always ask "why are you even doing that?" "why are you going here?" when I try to volunteer or get out of the house to study. I love to write, and have utilized much of my public health degree with writing health literacy/nonprofit profiles at research organizations. I also love to paint and draw and have done commissions for people. As of right now, my parents pay for everything and don't like the possibility of me having a part time job, purely because I need to focus on my studies. All of my grandparents have doubled down on the idea of me staying at home and rave about how much of a good help I am. I only have 1 aunt who is just as bad as my mother, 1 cousin who seems to struggle with some kind of learning disability, and my friends have all moved off. I literally do not have a support system around me. If she's around and I'm talking to the therapists, she'll somehow butt herself into the conversation and try to be the center. You can get a full picture of her personality from past posts as well. I've pretty much given up on my father taking action, since he just never checked her phone even when I told him to, so there really isn't any other option but me moving out.

I have no idea where to start, what job I should get, how to store income, or how to even approach the situation when it does happen. I'm terrified at the impact it will have as I've always been the 'golden child', but I need to prioritize my life and try to build practical experience so I can actually get a decent job. My mother seems to think that graduating with a degree and nothing else will get you a job on the spot. Does anyone have some recommendations on how I can generate income for the time being or resources on how to manage money?

Hi all, I know I've posted on here before, but I don't care 😂. You guys are very supportive and seem to have information that can help me digest my mother's behavior.

this is a short question, but I recently came across my mother's cheating via text messages. One detail that kinda stuck with me however is that she referred to my father and I by our initials. An example would be "E just left for a min" or "Sorry D is with me, can't talk"

I thought this was due to laziness at first, but she texted the affair partner's full name everytime with no problem. It feels a bit dehumanizing and disrespectful to refer to someone just by their initial. Considering that I have been unknowingly watching after my disabled brothers while she's out on the town.

What could this mean with her behavior? Is this somekind of code or psychological avoidance? She is a serial cheater as I found evidence old affair partners that date back to the beginning of their marriage. I also told my father to check her phone, but I think he would rather stick his head in the sand than deal with it.

All advice appreciated!

Hi, so I've already posted to this subreddit, but long story short - I believe my mother is a narcissist. She's an alcoholic with a track record of drinking vodka everyday and has stressed me the fuck out between dealing with her and my disabled siblings on a daily basis.

One memory I have of her is being passed out on the floor drunk when coming home at around 11 years old from school, the house would be a mess from my siblings and I would have to clean up. You can see my past posts to look at her behavior, but I recently found text messages between her and one of my siblings therapists of her cheating for the past 3 years. I told my father about it, but he's so stuck being an enabler that he can't confront it. She's a serial cheater with a past record dating back into 2 years into their marriage.

For the past two days, her behavior has taken a 180; calling me "sweetie", not drinking alcohol, and drinking coffee in the morning (I literally have never seen her drink coffee in like 6 years). I would think she's turned over a new leaf, but I know she's still talking to the guy. I saw out of my peripheral vision her texting him on Saturday, and when I scrolled through her messages before - I remember them talking about meeting on the 11th (today). She told me however that she'll be going to these doctor appointments all day and that I need to stay home and monitor my siblings therapy :( She went out to eat with my father twice yesterday, which I've never seen them do, and they went out shopping together.

I've been acting distant lately, as it's been hard to even look at her the same way, and she's been making comments on how quiet I've been - asking me if I'm tired. I overheard her talking about me to my father yesterday saying my personality was just "ugh" as soon as I left the room. I just know she hasn't changed in the span of a few days, has anyone else experienced this? What does this mean? I help both my parents on a daily basis by making my siblings lunches, prepping medicine, and bathing. Do they just not want me to leave? I hate being paranoid, but I've been pushed to this point.

Edit: her mother just passed around a month ago from a very bad cancer and you would think that Mother's Day would affect her or be somewhat sad, but she's acting like this instead.

I just had to vent/question about this. To start, my mother was very popular in highschool. She was the head cheerleader, on homecoming court, had tons of parties at her house, and never had to go single anywhere. Everyone loved her, and if you looked at her yearbook, you would've thought she was somekind of celebrity. I unfortunately did not turn out the same. I was mainly a loner with a few friends, bullied, and basically sat in the back of class drawing all the time (total art kid). She always tried to get me on the dance team, give me pointers on how to hang out with the popular kids, and how to get boys to like me. I'm now in college but staying at home to save money, and she bought two tickets to a concert for us. So far, she's already critiquing what I'm wearing, how my hair is styled, and telling me to "follow my lead, I know what's popular" She even had the gall to say "people will like you because you're associated with me", when I told her I don't really care about what people think, she kept bringing up "well don't get job connections then, don't you care about connections??". But it's like she doesn't even care about the progress I've made in my career: volunteering for research institutes and talking to people across the U.S., local cancer centers, and publishing articles. That's all been done by myself, and it's like she doesn't even give a shit. It's like I'm only seen as an extension of others, rather than an individual person. The bad thing about it is that people generally do like her better. I'm always too quiet, too polite, and not enough of a 'partier'. I'm just tired lol.