hii, so gusto ko sana tumakbo hahaha nabubulok na ako sa bahay since vacation na. hindi na ako nakakaburn ng calories huhu. saan kaya magandang tumakbo around lipa? and if u want din, let’s run hahaha im f20 btw
hi, nabubulok na ako sa bahay and wala na ulit social life since vacation na. hindi rin makalabas due to weather, ang moody. we're gonna chat lang until makatulog hahaha. tell me abt ur things and i'll tell mine. it can be random, funny, basta kahit ano (hindi kasama yung may mga hidden agenda, lumayo kayo sa post na 'to pls). let's be ano lang, chill hahaha. hmu if u also want thattt :))
hii, incoming freshie yung kapatid ko sa main and bs psych s'ya, how's the program there? what to expect? andd how's the environment there? thank uu!!
because of my mom i grew up wishing to be a good mother and wife someday. kahit na hindi naman super sweet sina mama at papa, gusto ko pa rin maging katulad nila, especially yung strength ni mama. si mama na halos siya na yung nagbabayad ng tuition namin, siya na rin yung nagwowork ngayon kasi tumigil na si papa dahil sa health concerns.
nung bata ako, lagi niya akong inaayusan bago pumasok sa school. tanda ko pa yung amoy baby cologne lagi, maayos uniform ko, tapos laging nakatali buhok ko. si papa naman yung naghahatid at sumusundo samin gamit yung bike niya. simple lang pero hanggang ngayon dala dala ko pa rin yung memories na yun.
alam ko namang hindi perfect family namin. may struggles din kami. hindi kami mayaman and hindi rin kami yung affectionate type na family, pero masaya at kuntento pa rin ako sa meron kami. minsan naiinggit din ako sa iba, pero mas nangingibabaw pa rin yung admiration ko sa family ko kasi despite everything i witnessed growing up, they never gave up. tuloy tuloy lang sila para samin.
and as their daughter, gusto ko talagang mabigay yung life na deserve nila. gusto kong maibalik lahat ng sacrifices nila kahit papano, kasama yung help ng mga kapatid ko. kaya i’ll keep building the future na lagi kong kinukwento at pinapangarap, not just for myself, but for them too...
i honestly don’t know what’s wrong with me anymore.
every relationship i’ve been through, i somehow end up being the one who causes problems or initiates the breakup. and now i’m starting to think maybe i really am the problem. maybe it’s not “high standards” or bad timing or incompatibility anymore. maybe there’s genuinely something broken in me that i don’t know how to fix.
what hurts is that these people loved me naman. they cared for me, stayed patient with me, tried to understand me. but somehow i still end up pulling away, feeling confused, doubting everything, or wanting to leave. and i hate myself for it because i know i probably hurt people who didn’t deserve it.
i keep asking myself: why can’t i fully accept love? why do i get scared when things become real? why do i feel restless even when someone treats me well? why do i always feel like something is missing?
i’m scared to let new people into my life now because what if i just hurt them too? what if i’m too emotionally unstable or too “broken” to love properly?
sometimes i wonder if i even deserve love at all, or if i should just stay alone until i figure myself out. maybe i need to learn how to love myself first, but honestly i don’t even know where to start. i don’t know what exactly needs fixing.
i’m just tired. and confused. and i genuinely want to understand why loving and being loved feels this hard for me.
i’m tired and i just want someone’s presence rnn. i need to finish this tonight, and if u wanna join me, that’d be very very great huhu. preferably around my age and student din sana hahaha. can be tahimik or madaldal, just be with me. all casual lang ((:
AAAAA tuwing naiisip ko, nalulungkot ako huhuhu bagong bili ko na fan online, 500+ pesos pa tas pera ko pa, HUHUHUHU hindi ko alam kung saan ko naiwala, wala pa 1 month sa akin yun huhuhu nakakaiyak HUHU hindi pa naman ako bumibili kapag hindi ko talaga kailangan huhuhu minsan lang din ako bumili ng ganun kamahal huhuhu siguro bibili na lang ulit ako kapag kailangan ko ulit huhuhuhuhu
ang dami kong gustong ilabas, ang bigat, ang sakit. hindi ko na kaya mag-isa. kinakabahan ako kahit walang malinaw na dahilan, at pakiramdam ko wala akong mapapatunayan. nahihiya na akong lumapit sa ibang tao, kahit sa mga kaibigan ko. nahihiya na ako sa lahat. hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin ko. ang bigat, sobrang bigat. paano ko tutulungan ang sarili ko kung pati sarili ko parang ayaw na? kailan ba magiging magaan? hindi ko na kaya, sobrang hirap na