u/Competitive-Elk-8557

I sublet half of my appartement. I made a cleaning schedule in the past with a previous roommate, with chores that are part of general upkeep and a more deep clean once every 3 weeks (like descaling, mopping wooden floor ...). They are really reasonable. They are generally shared when a roommate moves in and for me it is a measure of compatibility that the schedule is respected. If you want to live in a filthy house be my guest, just not with me . I have a vacuuming and mopping robot. Just the wooden floor needs to be mopped with a steam cleaner once every 3 weeks.

I have a new roommate since 3m. Scheduled to clean deep together twice, to show the ins and outs of the house, and she cancelled and didn't show up. I did it myself. 3 times in a row at that point. I then went over the list with her verbally. We alternate 3 weeks of chores. At the end of her 3 weeks it was her turn to deep clean in the weekend. She didn't and left for the weekend. I sent her a message asking if she was still gonna do it..since Monday is my 3 weeks and I like to start in a clean house.

She asked. Is it dirty then? It really was. I told her yes and asked her: did you clean the stuff on the list. She said she did clean in the beginning of the week. I reminded her of the agreements that were made about the cleaning schedule before she moved in . I also sent some pics of parts of the house that were really dirty, and hard to believe she "just cleaned" those. She then admitted she didn't do these things. Things like not mopping the wooden floor, the drying mat of the sink being full of dirt, dirty fingers on the cupboards. I don't think she even cleaned them once in 3 weeks.

She then said I was making her feel bad doing this over text. I told her I already adressed the fact she tends to not keep made agreements, verbally, the week before when I also vacuumed the apartment in her place and cleaned the kitchen , and since she was not here that I wanted a solution now. If this means I adress it over text so be it. Before my 3 weeks starts. Asked her: can you do the chores on the list later this week...she said okay. But then said she still feels bad.

I honestly don't care. If you are gonna be a unreliable maybe expect people to get a little irritated? I didn't call her lazy I just reminded her of agreements made.

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Update : i've put the clown in archive and won't look at his texts.

Will be going on a river swim date with a really nice gentleman as a second date this weekend. We have been texting daily for a week and even though there is a pretty strong attraction there has been no pressure and we have been just getting to know each other.

Went on 2 dates. No major sparks after date 1 but a decent connection. Willing to see where things go.

On the second date tells me doesn't believe relationships over 5y are his thing cause has had mostly short relationships even shorter than 5y and that's fine by him.

I already said on the first date I don't do casual sex. I tell him: oh I guess it means we are not compatible. Cause I've had long relationships and in your case I would wanna find out where things are going wrong. The idea of having to start over every 5y kinda makes me sad.

He answers 5y is still long and nothing went "wrong".

Then he asks me if I still want to have sex with him despite this fundamental incompatibility.

I say : no.

He then asks if, in the future, I am interested in still joining him at a electronic music party as a friend. I say: why not even though I am more in the Latin music/dance scene. But the he continues to elaborate; I am really attracted to you though. Which makes me weary. At this point I just wanna go home. Which I do.

After the date sends me some music links. I answer politely.

Today he asks me if I wanna watch a film at his place. We both are cinema lovers. I decline, say I wouldn't be comfortable.

It's like I am having to repeatedly say no to the question: hey would it be okay for me to try and use you for sex ?

At 30cm it feels like we are a bit part of a different species of men. :)

Maybe only if you use it for terrain rides

Police are getting special training to target them

Mine got repossessed last week

Had so much fun on my M4 Max and didn't fall or had an accident once :(

The combination of both have been a life saver for my period flu and extreme muscle tension before period.

I don't know which has had the biggest impact.

But...

I realised my emotional symptons and mental fatigue are still quite extreme.

It also didn't help I ran out of strattera 2 days before my period started.

Considering low dose SSRI and upping strattera during hellweek.

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EDIT sorry had to repost here got notification something was wrong with the post. Who-ever wanted to talk about the process of asking someone disrespectful to leave send me a PM.

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My roommate is a lying 38y red pill manchild with no social skills, an inflated ego and weaponized incompetence.

I knew him from before. My other roommate moved out. She was great untill she met a very shitty guy. The last couple of months with her were exhausting cause her boyfriend was practically living here and he was not a pleasant person to be around. It came to a heads when I told her it couldn't continue like this. I asked a limited stay of 3 nights a week.

She got upset I wasn't understanding cause "she wasn't allowed in his house since he lives at home" and "I wasn't a real friend". When I put my foot down she left one day on to the other. Didn't pay rent. Luckily I got it out of the deposit.

I was exhausted. My acquaintance was looking for something. I decided to give him a shot moving to a new country even though he didn't have an income.

I knew he was a bit rough around the edges so I never allowed him to put his address here. For all intents and purposes he is temporary guest who paid me a rent in advance and a small deposit in my account.

This untill I was sure that he actually was who he said he was.

Safe to say it didn't go well.

Next week he is moving out. After 3 months of annoyance.

First week: I had to tell him to stop sending me misogynistic YouTube content. When he wasn't sending it I could hear it everywhere. Bathroom, living room. These shows were a bunch of 40yo guys try to humiliate 20yo content creators.

He has told the same story about how he had 2 FWB in love with him at the same time, 4 times by now. The last time I said, yeah to think how little self respect these women had.

Today he knocked out a rolling curtain. He didn't know how to hang it. So he just left it in a crumpled mess on the table. And sent me a message: I don't know what to do. I answered: anything but leave it in a crumpled mess. Tjeezes.

It would have taken 2 minute to hang it and 30 sec to roll it. It's pretty easy basic logical thinking. Now it's completely crinkled, for the garbage and I can find another one that matches the other rolling curtains. Which I won't.

I don't think he has ever cleaned the house without me having to hold his hand and do half of it myself in the end. He needs hand holding with everything and becomes passive aggressive when you say you don't know how to help him.

I also think he has a video game addiction.

Today the house was in disarray from 12pm to 11pm while he was "cleaning" except everything is still dirty.. As per usual. Impossible to use the living room. He went to bed. Nothing mopped. Sent him a message telling him this is unacceptable. He came out yelling. Putting the furniture down. Lying he mopped it. It still looked dirty as hell. No wet towels or mops anywhere..

Lying like he lies about everything.

The other day I was eating ice cream and he asked if I broke up with my boyfriend cause in the movies it's like that. And he laughed. I told him: so it would be funny to you if someone breaks up? He is also a couch potato and would cry out loudly: omg you are going out AGAIN, working yourself into an exhaustion? Cause I was doing a lot of sports and just fun stuff.

All he does is make shitty comments that are jokes. The other day I won at poker and when I come home first thing I hear is: how much did you lose Hahahaha.

If this was a one off fine. But it's not. It's a pattern of someone who thrives on putting others down.

After 1.5 month I confronted him about the lack of follow through and the weird remarks. He didn't acknowledge it. He said he felt uncomfortable here cause the appartement was already furnished and it doesnt feel like it's his. He said this is the real problem: I don't feel at home here. I told him: the solution is maybe you get your own appartement. I said. No seriously. I was happy to help you have a starting address so you could find a job so you could find a better appartement. Yet all things considered we are not a good match. 

I don't think he expected this.  I had been accommodating up to this point but I ran out of patience.

It's like he wanted to prove he didn't need me and found the shittiest of places within the week.

He is moving to a house with a bunch of 20y olds (11 Rooms) and paying 1/3 more in rent and charges. He feels one of the girls has a "crush" on him. But she looks the type who sleeps around so he is not interested. He would be so lucky...

He said he will take charge of the new house cause they have no system for cleaning and it is really dirty

How is he gonna do that he can't even clean this appartement...

I still owe him 100 euro of back charges cause utility bills were kinda low this year. But I will keep it as cleaning costs.

His friend was supposed to visit this week but I told him she can get a hotel. You cannot ignore your basic responsibilities, yell at your roommate when they point it out and expect them to receive your long term guests.

Manbaby

I'm a fairly well maintained 42y old. I am sporty and even had some plastic surgery, skin treatment, skin care etc. to treat some things that bothered me. And it worked. I am fairly okay with how I look. The plastic surgery was really painful and quite contra-intuitively it helped me realise that there was an easier way to age, of just accepting myself in the future. My mother is a good role model aging wise. It's all about having the right people in your life that accept you for who you are.

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When I met my bf he told me how attracted he was to me. He also thought I was a lot younger than him which I am not (just a few years) but people often think I am and apparently he has dated a lot of younger women.

He looks good but is also loosing his hair and isnt's super ripped or anything. He just looks normal and handsome.

And that is what he would say when we met: you look like a princess why do you wanna be with a regular guy. To which I would tell him I was really attracted to him and even if he would get fat or anything, once I love someone I see them through that lens. It's really who I am.

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So at first he seemed really attracted to me.

Over the last month and half this has changed. It's summer and he is constantly staring at younger women in my presence. He made remarks about the girl in his son's school play: yeah yeah 17 yo girls. When I confronted him he said it was bc he found their dancing inappropriate. Same with his 24yo neighbour. She is a beautician and I think she does her own lips cause they are on the big side but she is still very pretty.

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So we would come home after an event he wanted to go to and for whic I bent my backwards to be able to join him in the last moment. On the way home he would tell he was too tired for sex tonight (sex is max 1 or 2 times a week, which is on the low side for me given it is a new relationship,) and when we arrived at his place we ran into the neighbour. And he says: she is hot right ?

I confronted him and said we need to talk about respect when we see each other next time cause this wasn't healthy. For tonight I was just exhausted.

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He said it was a joke like he was mocking her fake lips. Which is even worse imo. And I also don't believe it.

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There have been other incidents going from me having to rearrange a big part of my appartment for him to be comfortable, so he could move in with me after which he changed his mind, to my cat only being allowed to eat on the terrace, to him being scared I started HRT for dealing with bad PMS something I have dealt with all my life and apparently is treatable after all. He also expressed his disappointment at the fact that I probably wouldn't get pregnant easily (after telling me when we met he didn't want any more biological kids, but would like to foster a kid ) and asked me if was ever pregnant cause "your boobs aren't that firm". Which they are if I compared myself to other women in saunas etc . But they are gonna sag a bit if you are bent over someone.

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So when I next saw him we were supposed to talk but he wanted to go mountainbiking straight away. So I put on my bycicle shorts. After which he said: can you please take your shorts home. You already have so much stuff here. Which I don't. And my bike is at his place so I can't use the shorts at my place.

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Such a petty thing after there was so much to talk about.

I blew up the day and I went home. Just didn't feel like being around this negativity. After which I was blamed for being chaos aka "crazy".

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Safe to say we're over.

It's not a nice to feel like you are a consolation prize for a man that can't hook a much younger woman anymore.

It seems like a total nightmare to grow old with someone like that.

Some people can't just love and be loved. They turn what could be a beautiful relationship into a power struggle.

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Like title says.

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I was 2y with a FA leaning anxious who could be very warm and emotionally expressive (ENFP) but also very volatile. I'm a FA INFJ. I've been in long stable relationships with secure partners in the past but in the end we wanted different things (mainly children). The beginning of every relationship remains a huge challenge in trust for me though.

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New partner of 2 month's. He is secure-ish, but personality wise ENTJ, so reliable but not always as emotionally attuned. Sometimes hard to have conversations about feelings. Listens but stays quiet. After a while will say something sweet but emotionally clumsy: I think you are great so let's try to work it out. Just before bed when the lights are turned out and we can't see each other :) I sense a discomfort around emotional language, but he is trying.

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I kinda persuaded myself I would be hurt by him or emotionally starved. I tried to talk to him but still felt abandoned so I did the predictable thing and broke up with him.

After 2 days I told him I made a mistake. He said he wasn't sure he could handle being with me after all that, but got back in touch with me after a week, telling me he had trouble letting go and wanted to hang out without any expectations or physical intimacy for now. Which lasted another week. So now we rekindled.

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I really don't want to act like this anymore. It's fear.

I explained to him I was acting like a fish. I met him at a party. Not really looking for anything. One of the many creatures in the lake intermingling. It was hard to meet other fishes like me though. I saw this gorgeous worm and was really attracted. Also scared. Cause it was not like other things I saw in the water. But I decided to take a chance. But then I got caught by this hook. The worm was the best thing I ever tasted but the hook was so painful. And I had been here before. I would be held in a net with treats and other fishes. Finally! But once I was used to it, I would just be thrown back in the cold lonely and treatless lake.

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He said he wasn't gonna throw me back. Didn't ask if the worm was his p*n*s, which surprised me. Lolz.

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What happened is that I interpreted my current partner being different from my previous one as a definite red flag.

While it might be a good sign someone is somewhat less emotionally intense.

Always so focused on those red flags.

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Anyway.

I don't have any deeper message.or anything :)

Just an FA sharing their thoughts. :)