u/Competitive-Wafer469

For some reason I keep getting Muslimahs on my Insta feed. I converted to Islam when I was 24 but Im just a normal 37 year old white girl living in a very bad small town in the US. Im getting really sad that I wasnt born into a Muslim family and that I dont live int he Middle East. I went to Jordan in my 20's and then came to the US and my life got really bad. I really admired the Muslim womens fashion and was gifted several Jilbabs when I was there. Its not jealousy but more a pain about something I will never have. Im not practicing Islam now and it would be difficult in my town. I just want to cry. My life is so unfair. I feel so alone. If you lived in a small town in the US with one Walmart and bad experiences and a bad life you would be sad too. This is just an example of the Insta photos I see that get me feeling really sad.

https://preview.redd.it/xrpc5us0d42h1.png?width=502&format=png&auto=webp&s=4b0282ca4c06dea4b17b30a9d8678e35f16a0b63

https://preview.redd.it/lsi2t1f1d42h1.png?width=444&format=png&auto=webp&s=a3639f22b81375e028d3c95eefb0842ecf963713

For some reason I keep getting Muslimahs on my Insta feed. I converted to Islam when I was 24 but Im just a normal 37 year old white girl living in a very bad small town in the US. Im getting really sad that I wasnt born into a Muslim family and that I dont live int he Middle East. I went to Jordan in my 20's and then came to the US and my life got really bad. I really admired the Muslim womens fashion and was gifted several Jilbabs when I was there. Its not jealousy but more a pain about something I will never have. Im not practicing Islam now and it would be difficult in my town. I just want to cry. My life is so unfair. I feel so alone. If you lived in a small town in the US with one Walmart and bad experiences and a bad life you would be sad too. This is just an example of the Insta photos I see that get me feeling really sad.

https://preview.redd.it/8e035t0mc42h1.png?width=502&format=png&auto=webp&s=eebdd92645907dd015114024366ef5df8963874b

https://preview.redd.it/5kzorqomc42h1.png?width=444&format=png&auto=webp&s=9d1ce8f2b62c161278b0f02b1e32a272f553b8d0

https://preview.redd.it/r7zevcbnc42h1.png?width=499&format=png&auto=webp&s=5e65d971d09f739bf802083140dd4cd6db059a91

For some reason I keep getting Muslimahs on my Insta feed. I converted to Islam when I was 24 in Jordan but Im just a normal 37 year old white girl living in a very bad small town in the US. Im getting really sad that I wasnt born into a Muslim family and that I dont live in the Middle East. I went to Jordan in my 20's and then came to the US and my life got really bad. I really admired the Muslim womens fashion and was gifted several Jilbabs when I was there. Its not jealousy but more a pain about something I will never have. Im not practicing Islam now and it would be difficult in my town. I just want to cry. My life is so unfair. I feel so alone. If you lived in a small town in the US with one Walmart and bad experiences and a bad life you would be sad too. This is just an example of the Insta photos I see that get me feeling really sad.

https://preview.redd.it/uw108uq4c42h1.png?width=502&format=png&auto=webp&s=03ccebef85863c4e0204c0cffe62f3c34d23fd31

https://preview.redd.it/7p9abeg6c42h1.png?width=499&format=png&auto=webp&s=e6f404f95ff9f74aee8388f6637ab2e405253fff

https://preview.redd.it/j158g7c7c42h1.png?width=444&format=png&auto=webp&s=719cedc703ff6a919dfc1dc3102cca4bb52620a8

im just in the early stages of deciding whether to study Mental Health Counseling but that movie was very realistic. Not sure i should base my whole decision on that movie but not sure if there is some truth to it and ill be upset I didn’t learn from it.

I just want to write some major life events that make me think God hates me. Im a 37 female.

-Born in the US...that in itself is awful. Also was a mistake and not a planned child. Had two sisters who were planned and never experienced any abuse.

-Sexually molested by a girl older than me when I was 5 and later by other kids on my street until age 7.

-Was bullied in school because of my nose, even called ugly by my mom and there began my extreme body dysmorphia.

-At 17 was physically abused by my dad, his step wife, and also her friend, everyday for three months. Was basically held hostage by them. Could go into detail about this more but very traumatic and beat with belts on a daily basis for no reason other than religion and abuse.

-Began living with my grandma and then her family got upset I was living with her and then I lived with my mom at 20. When i was younger she used to tell me to get out of the car and walk just randomly. At 21 she dropped me off at a Motel 6 and abandoned me for absolutely no reason. Then went to live with a random friend. Maybe because she was jealous or miserable. Mom wasnt as abusive as dad other than always angry and I was slapped at least 5 times by her between ages 11-13.

-Became a Christian and tried everything I knew in my power to heal. Had the idea to go to Singapore, lived there for a year and was basically homeless and was also physically attacked by people there who I thought I could trust.

-Because Ive always tried to be religious and get better, I then had the idea to go to Israel. That was fine. It wasnt great. Some bad things happened there. I was violently raped on a beach hut in Egypt and this was only a short trip in Egypt and then after went to work in a hotel where it was basically slave labor for three months. Other than that it was great and made me realize the world is beautiful, because all I had experienced was the boonies of the US.

-Got Interstitial Cystitis while traveling and when I got back to the US, was able to beat that after about 5 years.

-Ended up going to a bad dentist who did unnecessary botched work and now I have extreme OCD thinking about my teeth to the point of a nervous breakdown. The dental was the last straw. It really made me feel bad because I feel awful and I dont feel like I can even be religious now because I dont think King David etc ever had dental work and its bothering me. Also reminds me of the subject that I am too trusting and trusted a dentist who was obviously a crook. Which scares me because I like trusting people and believing they can be good.

-Stressed that I have always lived in small country towns and was born in the US. Not fair. I blame the US because its weird and kind of a psyop in itself. Also mix of young and just bad parents. Ive tried everything. Mix of different medications etc. But Im just scared. I know Im lucky I can function but I dont even want to be alive.

Honestly Reddit is for weird stuff. So dont feel so wierd asking.

What advice would you give? The reality of this is it has led to extreme anxiety, suffering, and the only mental thing I notice is that I am not able to visualize or form memories, and disdain any type of sex. Basically unable to remember a lot of things, so no pictures in my mind.

I just want to write some major life events that make me think God hates me. Im a 37 female.

-Born in the US...that in itself is awful. Also was a mistake and not a planned child. Had two sisters who were planned and never experienced any abuse.

-Sexually molested by a girl older than me when I was 5 and later by other kids on my street until age 7.

-Was bullied in school because of my nose, even called ugly by my mom and there began my extreme body dysmorphia.

-At 17 was physically abused by my dad, his step wife, and also her friend, everyday for three months. Was basically held hostage by them. Could go into detail about this more but very traumatic and beat with belts on a daily basis for no reason other than religion and abuse.

-Began living with my grandma and then her family got upset I was living with her and then I lived with my mom at 20. When i was younger she used to tell me to get out of the car and walk just randomly. At 21 she dropped me off at a Motel 6 and abandoned me for absolutely no reason. Then went to live with a random friend. Maybe because she was jealous or miserable. Mom wasnt as abusive as dad other than always angry and I was slapped at least 5 times by her between ages 11-13.

-Became a Christian and tried everything I knew in my power to heal. Had the idea to go to Singapore, lived there for a year and was basically homeless and was also physically attacked by people there who I thought I could trust.

-Because Ive always tried to be religious and get better, I then had the idea to go to Israel. That was fine. It wasnt great. Some bad things happened there. I was violently raped on a beach hut in Egypt and this was only a short trip in Egypt and then after went to work in a hotel where it was basically slave labor for three months. Other than that it was great and made me realize the world is beautiful, because all I had experienced was the boonies of the US.

-Got Interstitial Cystitis while traveling and when I got back to the US, was able to beat that after about 5 years.

-Ended up going to a bad dentist who did unnecessary botched work and now I have extreme OCD thinking about my teeth to the point of a nervous breakdown. The dental was the last straw. It really made me feel bad because I feel awful and I dont feel like I can even be religious now because I dont think King David etc ever had dental work and its bothering me. Also reminds me of the subject that I am too trusting and trusted a dentist who was obviously a crook. Which scares me because I like trusting people and believing they can be good.

-Stressed that I have always lived in small country towns and was born in the US. Not fair. I blame the US because its weird and kind of a psyop in itself. Also mix of young and just bad parents. Ive tried everything. Mix of different medications etc. But Im just scared. I know Im lucky I can function but I dont even want to be alive.

Honestly Reddit is for weird stuff. So dont feel so wierd asking.

What advice would you give? The reality of this is it has led to extreme anxiety, suffering, and the only mental thing I notice is that I am not able to visualize or form memories, and disdain any type of sex. Basically unable to remember a lot of things, so no pictures in my mind.

I just want to write some major life events that make me think God hates me. Im a 37 female.

-Born in the US...that in itself is awful. Also was a mistake and not a planned child. Had two sisters who were planned and never experienced any abuse.

-Sexually molested by a girl older than me when I was 5 and later by other kids on my street until age 7.

-Was bullied in school because of my nose, even called ugly by my mom and there began my extreme body dysmorphia.

-At 17 was physically abused by my dad, his step wife, and also her friend, everyday for three months. Was basically held hostage by them. Could go into detail about this more but very traumatic and beat with belts on a daily basis for no reason other than religion and abuse.

-Began living with my grandma and then her family got upset I was living with her and then I lived with my mom at 20. When i was younger she used to tell me to get out of the car and walk just randomly. At 21 she dropped me off at a Motel 6 and abandoned me for absolutely no reason. Then went to live with a random friend. Maybe because she was jealous or miserable. Mom wasnt as abusive as dad other than always angry and I was slapped at least 5 times by her between ages 11-13.

-Became a Christian and tried everything I knew in my power to heal. Had the idea to go to Singapore, lived there for a year and was basically homeless and was also physically attacked by people there who I thought I could trust.

-Because Ive always tried to be religious and get better, I then had the idea to go to Israel. That was fine. It wasnt great. Some bad things happened there. I was violently raped on a beach hut in Egypt and this was only a short trip in Egypt and then after went to work in a hotel where it was basically slave labor for three months. Other than that it was great and made me realize the world is beautiful, because all I had experienced was the boonies of the US.

-Got Interstitial Cystitis while traveling and when I got back to the US, was able to beat that after about 5 years.

-Ended up going to a bad dentist who did unnecessary botched work and now I have extreme OCD thinking about my teeth to the point of a nervous breakdown. The dental was the last straw. It really made me feel bad because I feel awful and I dont feel like I can even be religious now because I dont think King David etc ever had dental work and its bothering me. Also reminds me of the subject that I am too trusting and trusted a dentist who was obviously a crook. Which scares me because I like trusting people and believing they can be good.

-Stressed that I have always lived in small country towns and was born in the US. Not fair. I blame the US because its weird and kind of a psyop in itself. Also mix of young and just bad parents. Ive tried everything. Mix of different medications etc. But Im just scared. I know Im lucky I can function but I dont even want to be alive.

Im no longer Christian and lean more on the Jewish side of things. But does anyone have any life advice. Honestly Reddit is for weird stuff. So dont feel so wierd asking.

What advice would you give? The reality of this is it has led to extreme anxiety, suffering, and the only mental thing I notice is that I am not able to visualize or form memories, and disdain any type of sex. Basically unable to remember a lot of things, so no pictures in my mind.

I feel like people who regret veneers are the only ones I can relate to. My story is that I went to a bad dentist and it was a chain dentist and got my first fillings. He didnt even tell me he was doing them or show an x ray, I just trustingly agreed and said do as many as you can, when he said "can I do this?" because I didnt have a clue about dental work. Then four years later all 8 fell out. I was traumatized so I went to a good dentist to get them fixed. But my mouth doesnt feel like mine. It feels bumpy and strange. I had never had dental work before. But it has been three years...some people on this forum say its been 20 years theyve suffered. All I can think of is the fillings. I feel like im losing my mind. I feel like they are traveling around my face. Who i used to be before the fillings is destroying me. Im scared to travel or be far from a good dentist. It is all I can think about. Other people on this group are suffering and I dont know what to do?

Before dental work-

https://preview.redd.it/gzmoj1bwexzg1.png?width=1170&format=png&auto=webp&s=059bbe6eda7b858ffb21eec148ee8d699ef81dd5

after dental work and the depression and suicidal thoughts it has caused-

https://preview.redd.it/n36yviczexzg1.jpg?width=2316&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1b015dda28ce221726e6d0b6c40ff397377bfae3

It has ruined me!! All i do is think about my teeth and grind them....and miss who I used to be. This was me on my worst day when my mind felt like it couldnt suffer anymore and all I could think about where those 8 fillings.

I could live in Belgium for a few years. I suffer a lot, mostly mental problems. If I saw a psychiatrist long term in Belgium, could I work towards being able to receive Euthanasia? I looked into Switzerland and usually they dont take anyone seriously under the age of 50 and must have a physical condition. I would like to be able to do this as I experience severe mental stress, anxiety, etc. Dont want to go into too much detail about my life and mental problems. I really want to know more about this. So any information would be helpful. I am 37 from the US and female. Where could I start this journey and what major city in Belgium would have the best doctors to work with? How would the visa work if this process took a couple years? Just curious in general.

I could live in Belgium for a few years. I suffer a lot, mostly mental problems. If I saw a psychiatrist long term in Belgium, could I work towards being able to receive Euthanasia? I looked into Switzerland and usually they dont take anyone seriously under the age of 50 must have a physical condition. I would like to be able to do this as I experience severe mental stress, anxiety, etc. Dont want to go into too much detail about my life and mental problems. I really want to know more about this. So any information would be helpful.