u/Complex-Savings-7220

I was in a relationship with the love of my life, like genuinely the once in a lifetime kind of love. It was intense, healthy and real. But slowly I started getting irritated with him and fighting with him almost every day.

Due to my toxic Indian family, my mental health has not really been okay since childhood. I stay in a complete state of exhaustion. There are constant fights in my house, lots of ragebaiting, emotional chaos, emotional/verbal/physical abuse, and I genuinely haven’t felt loved in this house since I was born.

And it’s not like I can just become independent and leave either. In my house, that’s not really possible until marriage. As the eldest daughter, I have seen and handled way too much for too long.

Because of all this, my anger, expectations, emotional instability, impulsiveness and constant need for reassurance slowly started affecting my relationship badly too. I would end up disrespecting him during fights, saying horrible shit in anger, and completely losing control sometimes. Meanwhile he has genuinely been the sweetest boy ever.

Eventually even he started getting mentally drained because of me. We tried communication so many times, but it’s also a long distance relationship and we barely even get to meet once a month.

So I ended the relationship even though it’s hurting both of us badly, because I genuinely started feeling like I was hurting someone who only wanted to love me properly.

Now I’m trying to figure out how to stop carrying all this anger, emotional exhaustion and damage into every close relationship I have. I genuinely don’t want to keep hurting people I love because of the environment I grew up in.

For people who grew up in toxic households and later realized it affected their relationships badly too, what actually helped you become emotionally healthier?

I (21F) was in a relationship with my boyfriend (22M), and honestly it was the healthiest and safest love I had ever experienced. He is genuinely kind, patient, emotionally mature, and always tried to understand me even during my worst moments.

The problem is that I come from a very toxic household. Since childhood, I have grown up around constant fights, emotional chaos, verbal abuse, rage, and sometimes physical abuse too. As the eldest daughter, I have carried a lot emotionally for years, and I think it has affected me more than I realized.

Over time, my mental state started affecting the relationship badly. I became emotionally reactive, constantly anxious, needy for reassurance, and irritated very easily. I would start arguments almost every day over small things. During fights, I sometimes became impulsive and disrespectful, and afterwards I would feel horrible guilt because he genuinely did not deserve that treatment.

He kept trying to communicate with me calmly and fix things with me, but I could see that he was getting emotionally exhausted too. We are also in a long-distance relationship, so misunderstandings and emotional dependency became even harder because we rarely got to meet in person.

Eventually I broke up with him because I felt like I was slowly turning into a toxic partner and hurting someone I deeply love. But now I feel completely lost because the breakup is hurting both of us badly, and I still love him more than anyone.

I genuinely do not know what the right thing to do is anymore. I don’t know whether stepping away was the mature decision or whether I gave up on someone who was trying to stay and work through things with me.

People who have dealt with family trauma or emotional instability in relationships — how do you stop your pain from damaging the people you love? And is it possible to rebuild a healthy relationship after things reach this point?

I (21F) was in a relationship with my boyfriend (22M) for quite a long time, and honestly it felt like the healthiest and safest relationship I had ever experienced. He is genuinely the sweetest person I have ever met and I still love him deeply.

The problem is that my mental health has been severely affected by my family environment since childhood. I come from a toxic Indian household with constant fights, emotional chaos, emotional/verbal/physical abuse, and a complete lack of emotional safety. I live in a constant state of exhaustion and anxiety, and as the eldest daughter I feel like I have been carrying emotional pressure for years.

Over time, all of this started affecting my relationship too. I became increasingly irritated, emotionally reactive, impulsive during arguments, and constantly dependent on reassurance. We started fighting almost every day. During fights I would sometimes disrespect him, say hurtful things in anger, and emotionally overwhelm him even though he personally had done nothing wrong.

We tried communicating multiple times, but because it’s also a long distance relationship and we barely meet once a month, things became harder to repair emotionally.

Eventually I decided to break up with him because I felt like I was slowly hurting and emotionally exhausting someone I genuinely love. But now I feel extremely conflicted because I still love him deeply and part of me feels like my family environment destroyed the healthiest relationship of my life.

How do I stop carrying the emotional damage from my home into my relationships? And how do I know whether breaking up was genuinely necessary or whether I gave up too early because of my mental state?

TL;DR: Toxic family environment and long-term mental health struggles slowly affected my behavior in my relationship, and I broke up with my boyfriend because I felt like I was hurting him too. Now I don’t know whether it was the right decision or not.

[21F] I broke up with my boyfriend [22M] because my toxic family environment and mental health issues were making me toxic to him too.

I was in a relationship with the love of my life, genuinely the once in a lifetime kinda love. It was intense, healthy, and emotionally safe. But slowly I started getting irritated with him and fighting with him almost every day.

I come from a very toxic Indian household and my mental health has honestly been bad since childhood. I live in a constant state of exhaustion. There are nonstop fights at home, emotional chaos, ragebaiting, emotional/verbal/physical abuse, and I genuinely haven’t felt loved in this house since I was born.

And it’s not like I can simply leave and become independent overnight. In my family, leaving before marriage is not really an option. As the eldest daughter, I have spent years handling things that affected me mentally in ways I probably still don’t fully understand.

Over time, my anger, expectations, emotional instability, impulsive reactions, and constant need for reassurance started affecting my relationship badly. I would end up disrespecting him during fights, saying horrible things in anger, and emotionally exhausting him even though he has genuinely been the sweetest person ever. Eventually even he started getting mentally drained because of everything.

We tried communicating multiple times, but it became harder because it’s also a long distance relationship and we barely get to meet even once a month.

So I finally decided to break up with him because I felt like I was slowly ruining someone I deeply love. But now I genuinely don’t know whether distancing myself was the right thing to do or whether I let my family environment destroy the healthiest relationship of my life.

TL;DR: Toxic family environment and lifelong mental health issues slowly made me emotionally unstable in my relationship, and I broke up with my boyfriend because I felt like I was hurting him too.