u/CourageSea8627

I was the most self-conscious person, i didn't even liked a mark of the pen on my hands,

Didn't liked scratches or anything,and yet my arm is covered with marks,I don't know what else to do but this,even tho I hate the scars,and i just relapsed a minutes ago.

I can't remember how I started this? How just a cut became my whole arm covered with scars? Don't know anything, I'm surviving an alcoholic father,And I just have him.

A part of me don't want to leave this, but whenever I see the scars i feel I'm becoming exactly like my father,I'm running myself, and I'm always afraid of people seeing my scars,I don't know why people see self harm as such a shitty thing? Why they don't want to understand it?

Feels like my life is ending even before it started.

Didn't knew what to do,so I'm posting this.

I was the most self-conscious person, i didn't even liked a mark of the pen on my hands,

Didn't liked scratches or anything,and yet my arm is covered with marks,I don't know what else to do but this,even tho I hate the scars,and i just relapsed a minutes ago.

I can't remember how I started this? How just a cut became my whole arm covered with scars? Don't know anything, I'm surviving an alcoholic father,And I just have him.

A part of me don't want to leave this, but whenever I see the scars i feel I'm becoming exactly like my father,I'm running myself, and I'm always afraid of people seeing my scars,I don't know why people see self harm as such a shitty thing? Why they don't want to understand it?

Feels like my life is ending even before it started.

Didn't knew what to do,so I'm posting this.

Ummm....hey!! I'm just terribly bored,and want some online friends and please not the ones who message me and then disappear,like why dude?😭 I've got people who dm me and then disappear after a day or two,I want someone who really can be friend and don't become a non-existing personality right after I'm in.

About me....I love music alot,I mean a lotttttt,can't spend a day without it, love reading novels, and have read so many, (it would be so nice if you're also a bookworm or a poet),I love poetries too and write'em, I watch kdramas and movies alot but these days I'm just unable to watch anything,idk why?

I'm an introvert so starting a conversation is so hard,but once I'm comfortable I can yap a lot ig.

so looking forward for some genuine people,(not creeps and those who ghost),any topic is fine but please introduce yourself a bit first.

Anyone out there who want to stop cutting?but don't want to stop too, like one part of you saying "I have to quit,I have to do better" ,but another part says "that's the only release,I need it",so now you are stuck between whether to quit or not? So what do you guys do at this time? Like continue or quit?

And I've seen people posting they love or either feel neutral about their scars,but why do I hate them so much? Oh god!! I feel so stuck.

And I also think that I love sh as much as I hate it.

I wonder anyone can relate?

Anyone out there who want to stop cutting?but don't want to stop too, like one part of you saying "I have to quit,I have to do better" ,but another part says "that's the only release,I need it",so now you are stuck between whether to quit or not? So what do you guys do at this time? Like continue or quit?

And I've seen people posting they love or either feel neutral about their scars,but why do I hate them so much? Oh god!! I feel so stuck.

And I also think that I love sh as much as I hate it.

I wonder anyone can relate?

​

When the door bell rings,

It feels like a fire alarm,

I'm always on the verge,

I'm never feeling calm,

There's a tremble,fear,

And urgency in me,

Something's terrible,

always triggering me,

I do things,

Really i don't wanna do,

Have to run from the things,

but i run into,

I'm always acting in desperation,

Falling into exploitation,

I can never stop,can never change my mind from it,

When the numbness hit,

I crave it like I'm dying for it.

Just want to know what you guys think about it.

I want to start writing a book, the story is in my head tho but I just don't know how to start? Like I'm just blank,I just want to know how you guys stared,even a small comment will help too.

I just want to write so badly,it's all i ever wished in my life, to be a writer,author,I write poetries tho but when it comes to write a novel I'm stuck not knowing how to write down a scene that's running in my head,most of the time I have this perfect scenario in my head but whenever I try to write, it just don't come out.

So yhh please help me out guys.

How to stop feeling numb,it's the numbness that makes me cut and even after cutting myself i don't feel anything,so anyone out there dealing with the same thing,who can help me. It make me do horrible things.

Just want to talk,no matter the topic,be it books,poetries,songs,suffering,loneliness,depression e.t.c. love deep and meaningful convos, I'm living a very shitty life,so... just want to ease it a bit.feel free to yap about anything,I can listen to the most terrible of the things.

I feel terrible,terrible and sick,just want to talk with someone,about anything,and if u can about the shitty life we all live in a way or another,I don't know what else to say,just share whatever u want to.