HELP
Y’all, I really need some advice.
I’m in my early 20s and currently in university. The degree I’m studying now will take another 3.5 years to finish. Once I graduate, I’ll finally be able to work away from home, hopefully move out under the guise of it being for work, gain financial independence, and eventually work abroad. That’s ultimately my biggest goal.
The reason is that there’s just no way I can be my authentic self while living in the same country as my parents. They wouldn’t accept it. They’re not the type of people who would eventually come around or simply look the other way. If I lived the life I actually want, I’d most likely be disowned and lose my family. I also don’t want to put my mom through that kind of disappointment. It’s not even entirely about religion; it’s more about shame, family reputation, and religion combined.
The problem is that I’m not passionate about my current degree. I honestly can’t picture myself working in this field for the rest of my life.
Ever since I was a kid, my dream has been to become a doctor… and I finally got accepted into medical school.
But here’s the dilemma.
Medical school in my country takes at least six years before you become a doctor, and then there’s residency/specialization afterward. On top of that, a medical degree isn’t the easiest one to take abroad. In many countries you have to pass licensing exams, complete additional training, or even repeat parts of your education before you’re allowed to practice. So even after all those years, moving abroad would still require a lot of extra work. I’m honestly not sure I’d have the energy to go through even more years of exams after already completing such a long education.
There’s also the financial aspect. In my country, junior doctors don’t earn particularly well. The higher salaries mainly come after specialization, which takes several more years.
So I’m completely torn.
Do I stay with my current degree, even though I’m not passionate about it, because it gives me freedom sooner? Do I accept that, in order to gain my independence, I have to sacrifice my dream career?
Or do I choose medical school, pursue the dream I’ve had since childhood, but potentially sacrifice my freedom, my youth, and delay my chance to build the life I actually want?
I haven’t told anyone about my acceptance yet because I know my parents would immediately pressure me to accept the offer. Before making such a huge decision, I wanted to hear other people’s perspectives, especially if you’ve been in a similar situation or if you’ve managed to leave a strict or overly religious Somali household.
For some extra context:
My parents aren’t abusive or extremely controlling. I’m allowed to go out whenever I want, and I’m even allowed to travel. The problem is that I can only travel with another Somali female friend. I barely have any Somali friends left, and the few I do have either aren’t allowed to travel themselves or are very religious and believe women shouldn’t travel without a mahram. They’re also just no fun (I’ve been slowly cutting them off dw)
So in reality, I can’t really travel.
The biggest issue, though, is that I’m required to wear the hijab and I’m not allowed to wear pants. They’re completely unwilling to compromise on that. Ironically, I can wear a body-hugging Skims dress that shows every curve of my body, but loose-fitting pants are somehow where they draw the line.
So… what would you do if you were me?
Btw I live in a western country.
Any advice, thoughts, or personal experiences would honestly mean a lot, even if you haven’t been through something similar yourself.