u/Cursed-Blessed

To the one watching me intently, but always out of reach, do you often ponder what is actually going through my mind? Although pieces of both puzzles are evidently missing, providing a juxtaposition of theories as to how they got there, are any of the pieces the ones I still hold in my mind?

Do you wonder about me as you watch me so intently, but forever being out of reach? Have you ever wondered what it would be like to connect a brain to another to gain an insight? Hypothetically speaking of course? Or is it deeper than that? Is it: hatred, callousness, a fear of losing (there are no winners in the game of life - (we just have to enjoy the ride along the way), intrigue, fascination or fear or something else entirely? I do often wonder.

I think we passed one time through a mutual friend of yours? I could be wrong though.

Do you experience the same greed and inability to share parts of yourself? What is it? 🖤🌹🖤

#FallenAngels are forged in fire. #AlwaysAlternativePerspectives.

Brain off and body moving. 🤘🏼

Strange time we're living in, world can put fear in ya

Hierarchy parties, they make us feel inferior

Greed runs through the parliament interior

Devils walk among us, they fit the criteria

Eerie theories strike fear in weary minded men

When we're clearly living in dictatorships?

Nearly blinded by illusions to choose

But who's fooling who?

A ball chained to your shoes I'm pained

It's a cryin' shame, the pursuit of our own wealth lights a flame

That makes greed a game that lets the whole world burn

As the world turns, the whole world burns

Money was invented for trade

But now those bits of paper twist hearts, make slaves

Turns a saint into a sinner, a child into a killer

His finger on the trigger of a money game (ah-mm)

Oh, rain, rain, rain, rain

A storm it comes our way

And those who rise through distorted lies

Poison in the veins

But we like to point the blame, blame, blame, blame

It's easier to blame

But point the mirror at ourselves

We're all part of this old money game

Mm, mm, mm (ah-mm)

This old money game (ah-mm)

Mm, mm, mm (ah-mm)

This old-

Dear Mr. President, it's evident that everyone's a resident of fear

When they support these ideas that keep us separate

When they make us believe

That everybody is coming to terrorize you in the streets

They say proudly through gritted teeth

"It's my right to hate, that's freedom of speech"

When did freedom become a reason to hate?

A way to justify a racial slur or insult we make

There's an irony in freedom, 'cause us in the West

We have pillaged and plundered and murdered like savages

Colonized all of the rest, that's called hypocrisy

Preach a certain value that you'd never keep yourselves

Your country was in flames

You'd emigrate yourselves in a second

Still, you spit your venom

Demonising immigrants, when really you're an immigrant

'Cause all of us are immigrants, or descended from immigrants

Irony is imminent, I'll shed the light on immigrants

America was colonized by Britain

Britain, it was colonized by Rome

Also colonized by the Saxons

They were German by the way

You know how people throw shade upon the Germans 'cause of history's pain?

And yet we make the same mistakes all again

Demonise a whole people Jewish or Muslim the same and the same

Old situation plays on repeat

The same old TV shows repeat, yeah, we worship the bleak

Our opinions aren't our own and we follow like sheep

There's no left, there's no right, in the middle we sleep

Rain, rain, rain, rain

A storm, it comes our way

And those who rise through distorted lies

Poison in the veins

But we like to point the blame, blame, blame, blame

It's easier to blame

But point the mirror at ourselves

We're all part of this old money game

Mm, mm, mm (ah-mm)

This old money game (ah-mm)

Mm, mm, mm (ah-mm)

This old money game (ah-mm)

(Ah-mm)

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Ren Gill

This is bigger than you all realise. I unravelled to the very end. Choose those that truly care about you, and would never place you in unknown territory, and using you as fodder for their own mission. Much bigger than you realise. Take care and namaste. I'm away back to writing that inspires rather than out of necessity. Bears & Wolves: always the wolves. Have you ever thought what is above what you believe is the top of what you know? I had one goal: a peaceful life. That was all I ever wanted and will have that for the rest of my life. You should too. Take care.

Lilith Max

You don't know fear 'til it's calling from behind

And the streets that are familiar seem to stretch out at night

They dragged her to the woods, they couldn't leave Anne on her own

And the press paraded pictures of a dead Marilyn Monroe

And I will always choose the bear

I will always choose the wolves

No matter what they do, they wouldn't blame my clothes

I would rather choose to die

Let my body decompose

'Cause even when you're ash, they will never let you go, no

Ba-ba-di-ba, ah

Careful of the stranger, a face you've never met

You've seen them in your churches

They're sleeping in your beds

And history will teach you, "They were all such willing wives"

Sacagawea was a child when her body lost its rights

I will always choose the bear

I will always choose the wolves

No matter what they do, they wouldn't blame my clothes

I would rather choose to die

Let my body decompose

'Cause even when you're ash, they will never let you go

The waves, let them take me (ah, ah)

The walls, let them fall (ah, ah)

It may not be many, but enough to doubt them all

And when I tell the beasts all the things you would do

They would cry as well, and fear you too

I will always choose the bear

I will always choose the wolves

No matter what they do, they wouldn't blame my clothes

I would rather choose to die

Let my body decompose

'Cause even when you're ash, they will never let you go

I will always choose the bear

I will always choose the wolves

No matter what they do, they wouldn't blame my clothes

I would rather choose to die

Let my body decompose

'Cause even when you're ash, they will never let you go

'Cause even when you're ash, they will never let you go, no

I find it fascinating how I have been able to determine when there are other devices operating on similar frequencies within close proximity through my headphones. There's always a way of adjusting the hardware within them that allows you to pick up a little more than you would normally hear too. It can be irritating, most people might think there is a fault in the speakers, but it is incredibly interesting how it can work both ways to determine the scope and scale of other devices that surround you in every day life - sometimes you can even learn about new devices entirely that work on similar wavelengths.

Call Control Integration, WebHID Integration and Ecosystem Tracking can also be used beyond your own connection for potential hacking, so it is a good thing to pick up on through your bluetooth connections. I think by the end of this week, I will be investing in the good old fashioned direct wired connection as I learnt all I wanted to, and it is becoming a nuisance now after messing around with the internal mechanics to pick up too much.

Does anyone else understand what my aspy ass is talking about?

(Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh)

(Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh)

One foot in the ground, one foot in the grave

Don't you dare make a sound, shh

Hear you from a mile away

Run from the town, all you need is your name

And the sweat on your brow

And the blood runnin' through your veins

Don't think twice

You'll be dead in a second

Turn your eyes

From your hands to the heavens

Kill your pride

Turn your fear to a weapon

And don't you forget it

Oh, oh-oh, don't you let 'em take control

And don't you let 'em break your soul

It's not the devil at your door

It's just your shadow on the floor

Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

Hoo-ooh, hoo, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh

Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh

One eye on the clock, one eye on the mirror

Take a step through your thoughts

Is it getting clearer?

If they follow you whenever night falls

Will you still listen to my call?

Who do you trust to knowing it all?

Or knowing it all?

Don't think twice

You'll be dead in a second

Turn your eyes

From your hands to the heavens

Kill your pride

Turn your fear to a weapon

And don't you forget it

Oh, oh-oh, don't you let 'em take control

And don't you let 'em break your soul

It's not the devil at your door

It's just your shadow on the floor

Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

Hoo-ooh, hoo, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh (it's just your shadow on the floor)

Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh

Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

Tell me that you hate me, yeah, I heard it all before

There's a life here for the taking, is it mine or is it yours?

All I am is what you make me, you're on both sides of the war

It's not the devil that you're facing, it's just your shadow on the floor

Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh

Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh

Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

(It's just your shadow on the floor)

At least this song provides honesty from a man who understands his inability to change. But, sometimes change is just progression to escalation. Great song.

Novocaine, I keep it coming so I feel no pain

I tell my girl that I'mma change my ways

She knows I'm never gonna change (Change)

Same old shit

Running my mouth until she busts my lip

So many problems, you can take your pick

I know I'm never gonna change

I am what I am, I know what I know

I'll let you down if you let me too close

I am what I am, I know what I know

If you catch me running away then you'll know

I can't change!

Guess you can blame it on my left side brain

I should know better but you know

I know, I know I ain't never gonna change

Got no shame!

Spend all my money as soon as I got paid

I should know better but you know

I know, I know I ain't never gonna change

Wonder why the party's over soon as I arrive

Must've done something in a former life

And I don't really wanna change

Change!

I am what I am, I know what I know

I'll let you down if you let me too close

I am what I am, I know what I know

You catch me running away then you'll know

I can't change!

Guess you can blame it on my left side brain

I should know better but you know

I know, I know I ain't never gonna change

Got no shame!

Spend all my money as soon as I got paid

I should know better but you know

I know, I know I ain't never gonna change

Change

Am what I am, know what I know

I'll let you down if you let me too close

Am what I am, know what I know

You catch me running away then you'll know

I am what I am, know what I know

I'll let you down if you let me too close

I am what I am, know what I know

You catch me running away then you'll know

Am what I am, know what I know

I'll let you down if you let me too close

Am what I am, know what I know

You catch me running away then you'll know

I can't change!

Guess you can blame it on my left side brain

I should know better but you know

I know, I know I ain't never gonna change, yeah

Well, I got no shame

Spend all my money as soon as I got paid

I should know better but you know

I know, I know I ain't ever gonna change

All of us are bound by, or experience, curses and evils as we try to navigate the world we all inhabit. How we let those affect us is ultimately how we react, or respond, to them. It can cause misery, sadness, pain, suffering, enlightenment, insanity, clarity; or whatever else along a never ending list on the emotional inventory spectrum.

After delving into a lot of emotions I never thought possible for clarity, I now opt to view it all as a blessing that has paved the way to provide me with an insight into something that is lacking in this world. I would love to focus my energies into a more positive aspect of my own experience. The pain I endured, both during and after, by an evil that 'almost' led me to death and then insanity has actually brought more humility back within me. Thank god I am as strong minded as I am. I have witnessed first hand what lesser stories have done to some innocent lost souls.

I hope everyone else finds their blessings from situations you never thought you would escape from. I shall walk my path with my friends and family, and I hope everyone finds solace in their own family and friends. Time is a great healer and it is finally time to heal.

No one is better than anyone in this world. Things said and done in moments needed for deflection, protection and revelation after educating yourself on things most will never understand, can always be explained in truth. That has been what saved me from losing myself and allowing me to protect myself. I have hid away for too long, but learned a lot along the way.

I wish everyone well. Look after yourselves. And I hope some of you do follow what I post from time to time, without contempt or hatred, to see the real me, and maybe gain an insight into why my ex refused to let me go. I wish no harm and never have. I do not view myself above anyone - quite the opposite actually; I have no confidence in my abilities at all. I just got told what I am, and now understand it more. It aggravated a certain 'type' of person to becoming reckless: do you see now? That 'energy' they always told me I had never made any sense - I'm just me, and would like very much to try and regain that without looking over my shoulder.

Having the curse of hyperfixation, with what I have been told is a very rare type of intracranial software, leads me to needing to understand/comprehend things beyond the scope of what is possible for 99.991% of the population. The world and its people are all just a spectrum, and I love the array of spectrums out there: but not true evil. I'm just a pleb who has a need to help and understand, and that is how I succumb to what they put me through. I do get that euphoric feeling discovering things that people wouldn't even think to question. But, I don't boast about being better than anyone - no one is above anyone in this world. Well, unless you are taller than the other person that is. Very black and white way of thinking, and that is what led me to tipping over an edge many would have fallen into years ago with what I experienced.

When I love, I love hard. I do not love easily, and it takes a very very long time, unlike a lot of other women (due to my conditions), but morality is deep rooted within me. That is my own cross to hold kneeling beneath a very dark world.

I would very much like to redirect my energy elsewhere as I reached the end of being in the pits of hell - mentally, physically and spiritually. I suppose I could be viewed as a dark buddhist. Not a dark empath, as my aspy ass does have that contradicting "fuck it and fuck you" attitude - but, only when needed. I prefer the other emotions anyway. They provide more insight without being influenced easily. It was, and always will be, my story to tell. And it does not seek validation, vindication or want sympathy (I wouldn't know what to do with any of that anyway). I was never an avoidant and always sought to understand. #truth

I no longer have to mould myself to be something I am not, and I should be free to speak to whoever I want to now. I should have been then too: see above about my morality.

I have changed, but I want to rebuild, reshape to evolve, grow and hopefully find my smile again. 🌹🖤🌹

To understand is to know. 🌹

Is it time to lead or is it time to die?

Time to raise hell or walk on by?

Is there anybody out there that's payin' attention?

Yeah, yeah

Is it time to speak up or time for silence?

Time for peace or is it time for violence?

Is there anybody out there that's payin' attention?

Yeah, yeah

Tell me what you tryna hide

And what you runnin' from inside

'Cause I got a surprise

We might not make it to the mornin'

So go on and tell me now

Do you have enough love in your heart

To go and get your hands dirty?

It isn't that much, but it's a good start

So go and get your hands dirty

Do you love your neighbor?

Is it in your nature?

Do you love a sunset?

Aren't you fed up yet?

Do you have enough love in your heart

To go and get your hands dirty?

Yeah, yeah

To go and get your hands dirty

I got a skeleton under the floorboard

I got a secret I need you to keep

Run away, run away, you have been forewarned

I don't wanna go off in the deep

If we don't do somethin', we'll be stuck up in the mud again

Don't wanna mess it up 'cause I want everything and nothing at all

I've got a feeling when they walkin' on the ceilin'

That the people needed healin' and they know

Tell me what you tryna hide

And what you runnin' from inside

'Cause I got a surprise

We might not make it to the mornin'

So go on and tell me now

Do you have enough love in your heart

To go and get your hands dirty?

It isn't that much, but it's a good start

So go and get your hands dirty

Do you love your neighbor?

Is it in your nature?

Do you love a sunset?

Aren't you fed up yet?

Do you have enough love in your heart

To go and get your hands dirty?

Yeah, yeah

To go and get your hands dirty

Is there anybody out there that's payin' attention?

Is there anybody out there that's payin' attention?

Is there anybody out there that's payin' attention?

Is there anybody out there? (There, there, there, there, there, there)

So go on and tell me now (oh)

Do you have enough love in your heart

(Do you have enough love in your heart?)

To go and get your hands dirty?

It isn't that much, but it's a good start (a good start)

So go and get your hands dirty

Do you love your neighbor?

Is it in your nature?

Do you love a sunset?

Aren't you fed up yet?

Do you have enough love in your heart

To go and get your hands dirty?

Yeah, yeah

To go and get your hands dirty