u/Cute_Screen7

Fear,

The fear of going to school, the fear of going outside, the fear of doing any work alone, the fear of being alone though I actually enjoy being alone. I have been living alone for about 2-3 years now; alone, meaning in my comfort zone, in my home where it’s just me and my parents, and I only speak to my parents for about 10 minutes, not more than that. I started to get scared of going to school; school began to feel like hell, like a jail. The fear of going to school became so immense that at one point, I would stand on the border, but I wouldn't go to school. What is the psychology behind this? I am telling you what I have experienced myself. The fear of going to school began, and at first, I stopped going for two days a week. Then, I only went for two days a week.

Then, 3-4 days a month.

Then, 20-30 days a year.

Then, 10-12 days a year.

And the more I ran away from it, the more this fear kept growing!

It is something like this: the more you run away from it, the taller the walls of fear become. Gradually, that thing you are running away from starts to feel like hell it will make itself appear very large, even though it is actually very small. You cannot fix this all at once. You go to school, just once a week.

Then twice, then three times, then four times, and in this way, it can be fixed gradually.

But to take that first step to do it just once you will have to put in a lot of effort.

Hindi bta dena please, English wale me mza ni ata

Hi my name is Radha and I am in class 12th. This is my last note and maybe by the time you see this I might not even be around.

In my real life I don't have a single friend. I tried making some but they all chase me away from their group. I thought of making friends on the internet but here people chat for 10-20 minutes and then don't reply; some ghost me and some avoid me. I tried my best to make friends but I couldn't make any. Then I downloaded Discord; I thought I would make friends there and I joined an Indian group but everyone there was chatting in English. When I tried to chat in Hindi they started making fun of me calling me uneducated (gawar) and they even removed me from there. I joined other groups too but they all speak different languages. Their English is of a different type (wbu hru idk lmao lol) they speak like this and I don't understand anything at all.

I don't have any other social media; I don't have Instagram Facebook Twitter or Snapchat. I don't even know how to use them. I don't have any friends at school either. School feels like a jail to me; it feels like I am locked up as if someone has arrested me. Is it not possible that I can stay alive without going to school and studying? I mean I wish a tsunami would come and I would wash away to some unknown island where there is no one. I wish that would happen. You know? In May my friends beat me up a lot because I refused to share my water bottle. They don't bring their own water bottles and drink all the water from mine. I refused to give them my bottle so they beat me up so much that one of my fingers even got fractured. They are all bad; Vivek is the worst of all. He frames me every time whenever there is a problem he blames me even though he does everything himself. But I know that if I say anything against them they will beat me up again and no one is going to help me. Even teachers make fun of me.

Do you know? My school teachers make me stand up in the whole class every time and tell all the children that if they don't study they will become like Radha. I do study I work very hard but I don't understand anything. I have tried very hard to study and I still do but I am unable to.

I love taking photos and walking a lot. I walk and take photos not of myself but of nature but my friends make fun of me. To tell you the truth they feel ashamed to call me their friend. We were on a scooty and my friend asked me for a shortcut but I didn't know. I just guessed and told them to go left but the road on the left was closed. My friend got so angry that she dropped me off the scooty and left me there alone. I am scared but I think not all friends would be like this.

Hii, mera naam Radha h mai class 12th me hu, ye mera last note h, or shyd jb tk ap ye dekh rhe honge mai naa bhi rhu,

I mean mai zinda rhungi lekin mai shyd social media chhor du humesha k liye,

Mere real life me ek bhi dost nhi h, maine koshish kra tha banane ka lekin wo sb mujhse group se bhaga dete h, maine socha internet pr friends banane ka lekin yaha pr 10-20 min chats krte h fir reply hi nhi krte kuch to ghost kr dete h or kuch avoid, maine puri koshish kri friends banane ki, lekin nhi bn paya koi then maine discord download kra, mujhe lga waha friends bn jayenge and ek indian group join kra, but waha pr sb english me chats kr rhe the maine hindi me chat krne ki koshish kri toh wo sb mera mazak banane lge gawar keh kr mazak banane lge even mujhe waha se nikal dia, maine or bhi groups me join kra but wo sb alag hi language bolte h,

Unki english alag hi type ki hoti h, ( wbu, hru, idk, lmao, lol ) aise bolte h wo sb,, kuch samajh hi nhi ata mujhe

Or koi social media hi nhi h mere pass, instagram facebook twitter snapchat kuch bhi nhi h mere pass na mujhe wo sb use Krna ata h, school me bhi koi dost nhi h mera, school to mujhe jail jaisa lgta h aisa lgt h jaise mai jail me bands hu, jaise kisi ne arrest kr lia ho mujhe, kya aisa nhi ho skta kii, mai bina school jaye aur padhai kre zinda reh sku, I mean kaash tsunami aa jaye aur mai beh krr kisi unknown Island pr pahuch jau jaha koi nhi h, kaash aisa ho jata. U know? May me na mujhe mere friends ne bohot maara tha, kyu ki maine apna waterbottle dene se mana kr dia tha, wo sb khud ka waterbottle nhi le kr aate aur mere waterbottle ka sara paani p jaate h maine unsb ko mana kr dia ki mai nhi dungi tum sabko apna waterbottle to un logo ne mujhe bohot zyada mara tha jiski vajah se meri ek finger fracture bhi ho gyi. Wo sb bure h, Vivek to sb se bura h wo har baar mujhe fasa deta h, jb bhi koi problem hoti h toh mera naam laga deta h, jbki krta wo khud h sb kuch. Lekin mujhe pta h ki agar mai insb k khilaaf kuch bolungi to ye log mujhe fir se maarenge aur meri to koi help bhi nhi krne wala teachers bhi mera mazaak banate h,

Apko pta h? Mere jo school k teacher h wo puri class me har baar mujhe khda krte h and sb baccho ko kehte h kii, agar padhai nhi kroge to radha jaise ban jaoge, mai padhai krti hu mai bohot mehnat krti hu lekin mujhe kuch samajh hi nhi ata maine bohot koshish kri h pdhne ki, aur abhi bhi krti hu lekin mai nhi pdh pati.

Mujhe photos lena aur walk Krna bohot zyada psnd h, mai walk krti hu aur photo leti hu, khud ki nhi, nature kii lekin mere friends mera mazak banate h, sch batau to unhe sharm ati h mujhe apna dost batate hue, hum log scooty pr the aur mujhse mere dost ne shortcut pucha lekin mujhe nhi pta tha maine bs amuman lagaya aur left jane ko kaha but left side raasta bnd tha

Mere dost ko itna zyada gussa aya tha ki usne mujhe scooty se utar dia aur akele chhor kr chla gya,

Tb mai ghr aa rhi thi bich me jungle tha bohot bda nhi lekin bohot saare tree the, tb mere peeche bohot saare dogs pdd gye the and usme se kuch ne mujhe kaat bhi lia tha, lekin waha kuch farmers the jinhone mujhe bacha lia, aur uske baad se maine ek bhi dost nhi banaya mujhe darr lgta h lekin i think ki sb dost aise nhi hote honge,

My grandmother was hospitalized yesterday. The doctor said she might get a heart attack during the surgery. I saw my aunt and my dad's wife crying, but my father and uncle were not crying. My dad never cries. In school, when the teacher punishes us, girls cry, but boys don't. Why does this happen? I feel that men are emotionally very strong.

They were insulting me over and over, and they probably didn't even realize they were doing it. They think I'm a child, that I'm dumb, and that they've seen the whole world. I hate people who judge the entire world based solely on their own experiences.

I had an argument today at the gym with the friend who usually works out with me. It started over my back workout; I mentioned that I’m struggling with pull-ups and find them difficult. She replied by saying, 'I’ve been doing them for five months and haven’t had any issues at all

I really dislike that attitude she seems to think that just because she doesn't face a problem, no one else should either. She can be very strange, so I decided to distance myself from her and finished my workout alone before heading home. Interestingly, I noticed that my workout actually took much less time today; I finished everything in just 40 minutes

I had an argument today at the gym with the friend who usually works out with me. It started over my back workout; I mentioned that I’m struggling with pull-ups and find them difficult. She replied by saying, 'I’ve been doing them for five months and haven’t had any issues at all

I really dislike that attitude she seems to think that just because she doesn't face a problem, no one else should either. She can be very strange, so I decided to distance myself from her and finished my workout alone before heading home. Interestingly, I noticed that my workout actually took much less time today; I finished everything in just 40 minutes

I read Franz Kafka's book, The Metamorphosis, and after reading it, I tried to read other books, but gradually I started feeling depressed, and I feel very absurd. Does anyone else feel this way? If yes, please tell me how you solved this problem, because I am unable to do so, and it is affecting my mental health.

I read Franz Kafka's book, The Metamorphosis, and after reading it, I tried to read other books, but gradually I started feeling depressed, and I feel very absurd. Does anyone else feel this way? If yes, please tell me how you solved this problem, because I am unable to do so, and it is affecting my mental health.

I have read a little bit of Beyond good and evil, but I am finding it difficult to understand. Can someone suggest what I should do to make it easier to understand? Or can anyone suggest another book?