u/DIYDylana

Me: ''Hahaha that's pretty funny I wonder what's next :)''

The media: ''Hey, you know what? TRANNIES! EEEEEW. HAHAHAHAHA GROOSS. TRANNIIIES ISN"T THAT A GOOD PUNCHLINE?!''

me: ''Why every time :(''

I reject my humanity society fucked me over while they all get to enjoy things and then expects me to give back nah they should fuck off

I will forever treat them as nuisance NPCs either to avoid or to extract use from because they will never see trans people how they are anyway and transphobia is fucking rampant yet they all act like they're oh so reasonable and supportive. 🤢.

I finally have the string replaced on that guitar. The rest aren't so my guitar sounds a bit rough

It's a bit rough around the edges/sloppy in general partially on purpose, unlike most around me I'm into punk, I know it's supposed to be a soft indie pop song but I can't help amping things up even when I'm not explicitly trying to make punk. I also still am dealing with muscle tension dysphonia. It was quite challenging to get volume as a result, I had to constantly fight it.

Original song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=031vCHY-zLA&list=RD031vCHY-zLA&start_radio=1
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Original lyrics:
''[Intro + Verse 1]

What did you find in the box in the back
Of the attic that you packed all those years ago?
A 1960's plushie frog
A crochet tapestry for walls
A closet full of oddities
A signed Imogen Heap CD

[Pre-Chorus]

I fill my room with little things
That no one wants and no one needs
Rejected, I guess they’re just like me

[Chorus]

I'm the queen of broken toys
The music box that don't make noise
The friends I don't have think it's weird
I keep the things that disappear
I fall in love with broken glass
And wipe dust off of paperbacks
I'm afraid of letting go
So I hold on to mementos

[Verse 2]

The smell of old is nothing new
Locked in picture frames with glue
A TV stuck on Channel 5
A VHS that's locked in time

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My addition:

-Changed imogen heap CD to minor threat CD

-Changed flog plushie to shark.

This version keeps out verse 2 of the original unlike when I sang along.

''''Photos of forgotten trips,
texting that my mind let slip.
Dear stories to go back to,
The rewatch feels asif brand new.

[pre chorus 2]
I need reminders no one needs,
a broken timeline slowly patched and mended.
I guess they're just like me.

[Chorus 2]

Oh I'm the girl that's blind to time,
All memories no longer mine.
The friends I have all think it's weird,
I repeat what's no longer here.
Imperfect captures of the past,
to hold onto what doesn't last.
I fear that I'll no longer know,
so I desperately cling to, mementos'''

The sub already tried making clear it's the non metal non emo type of hardcore ans that it's definitely not Electronic hardcore. I just never really see other people onto hardcore/punk call it "hardcore punk" in full nearly everytime its mentioned. Unless its "hardcore/punk" like I just did but that's to include other punk like 77 style bands or oi or anarcho and crust or something.

"Emotional hardcore? Asif hardcore wasn't emotional to begin with" - Ian mckaye

I started out on you tube with making Angry Video Game Nerd Clone videos I now lost. Then I switched to more serious sounding editorial/essay and analytical critique type videos in the style of people I was watching. Aaand Now I'm trying to find my own flair! I want to somewhat have the vibes of something unscripted, personal and chill yet passionate like where a friend shows you something, but in actuality, it is very much scripted and edited. It is basically just me journal ling and sharing my experience to you, like an open diary. The reactions at the start were inspired by how the AVGN would ''re-enact'' reactions of sorts. It's very hard balancing my physically deteriorating vocal health with sounding convincing but I'll keep practicing!

The videos are meant to be small scale, because of l health issues I just have little energy so they have to be easy to edit and the scripts are not like proofread and reiterated.

I'm looking to capture the vibes of the old internet, the indie web or a fanzine. No money is involved with this. No algorithm chasing. Just making stuff because I want to.

If you want a more traditional video that sounds more like a ''video essay'' tone, I do still make those! The last one was about ''the paradox of alternative punk'' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3aN01JX0GQ&t=

https://voca.ro/1j14G3k0M4eO

(this reflux has mostly been well, untreated. Executive dysfunction and health issues make it hard..)

Sorry the masc voice is a bit brighter than it used to be before voice training, it's just because I'm more used to making it brighter now.

Everytime I visit an ENT they say my vocal cords look inflamed but no like damage. This has stayed consistent despite many times where I have gone a bit too far with singing.

If I test on the same pitch, the spectogram basically looks the same. In fact, I see more of the denser together harmonics sometimes on the ehm ''morty'' voice!

Since the reflux and stuff got worse, my falsetto is often gone at higher notes. it''ll suddenly just sound like air, and even said air can't go as high as it used to. I often struggle with volume even with the masc voice, and my nose is always stuffed. The muscle tension started after I had an incident with my neck on a noose (yeah dark I know). I coughed uncontrollably and quickly took it back off. Its been a few years now, I've been learning to work around it better. When it gets too bad, my singing voices higher notes don't even come out. People tell me to speak up a lot even in masc voice. I've been on voice chats and have had people say I sound like a ''fake woman'', I feel like I used to be better :(. I also feel like I sound like a cartoon or something? And it sounds strained? Then again, the inflammation makes it strained..But :(

At first, the design philosophy was to
-Have nearly every distinct shape of modern chinese plus a few more represented
-Have as few custom pictographs and variants as I need
-Every major Variant of a component of Chinese gets assigned its own meaning.
-Otherwise add as little as possible.

Now this has shifted. Why? Well the pictographic ones are often processed a bit differently. I want, if possible, for most basic or common/important physical objects and actions, and a few abstract ones, to be represented as a single thing. I actually want there to be MORE because the lack of sound components means that pictographs have a time to shine. I bet many pictographs fell out of use, merged, or were not made due to the dominance of sound components in Chinese. Note that custom pictographs are supposed to depict what they represent more, hence a difference in looks. Some modern concepts were represented as well, such as a phone or radio. The custom pictographs add a fun, unique personality to the language! Meanwhile, I found a lot of very basic shapes to be unused, so I often turned them into ideographs. They may not look as creative, but its a liittle bit of efficiency in a not so efficient language!

Given this new direction, new components have been added. Every color now has a component instead of being a compound. Sauce and Condament have a small one as It was hard to make a larger amount of sauce/condament based characters. There's a soccerball to represent sports (my gf really likes soccer so the choice was self indulgent ;P). There's a Mail now, not just a mailbox. There's a barrowheel. A plaster/bandaid. You get the picture.

Many of them are too big to actually be used as components. If I ever get too stuck, I just make a new shortening usually. Sometimes I can't, as a shorter version is already a different character. If you count variants, it's 1700 plus. That's nearing the amount of characters expected to be learned throughout school in Japanese (about 2300). These are easier to learn to read, but harder to learn to write. That said, many of them are not words you'd be writing a lot.

I've been creating core vocabulary lists in my obsidian note program to help me learn the basics of my own language, as it's about time now. Below is a link of this particular list exported to a static offline HTML file you can open in your browser:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1cKgV4ir_OMGkjUzKo0-udPQkrB8Tb0eR/view?usp=sharing

!There are still mistakes in it!

!Afik my computer is clean but always be careful with files people send. Also you have to actually download it, google drive tries to display it and that doesn't work!!

As I've been making them, a lot of characters have been getting revised. I still need to add about 260 concepts I didn't come up with component combinations for yet.

Within the list, as many components have been tagged as possible. I know it's a bit less useful than me just properly filling in my spreadsheet and then just generating it from that data which is much more flexible, but for some reason I manually redid it as the spreadsheet was a mess and I didn't want to deal with it plus I'm bad with technology just lemme make the liiist I like lists okay?

Anyway, here's what the tags mean:

#SameMe. or #SameMeJP [SameMeaning]. It has roughly the same meaning in modern Chinese or Japanese. Keep in mind in those languages, they tend to have a bunch of other senses as well. Basically imagine one sense, applied broadly. For example, ''Chief'' is roughly a same meaning in Chinese, but in Chinese, that character can also mean ''long''. 長 . For these, learning the picto han one basically lets you learn actual chinese characters. Beware however, it's not the majority!

#SimMe. [Similar Meaning]. These have a similar meaning to modern chinese or Japanese. For example, the dog radical 犭(a version of 犬

#ArchMe. [Archaic Meaning]These were assigned a meaning either the same or almost the same as its oldest chinese meaning or what it literally used to depict. Take the nose character, which in modern chinese/jp was soudnloaned to mean ''self''. 自 The OG Nose character then got a sound component added. 鼻 These are mostly based on outlier Dictionary. If No info was available (usually the ones often used as sound components), I picked an etymology from Wiktionary, though accuracy may vary. Regardless, given I have made it, whatever I say it was supposed to depict in the fictional picto han having universe is what it depicts.

#RepurSH. [Repurposed Shape] This is probably the most peculiar one to most. Sometimes I will take a shape I find, typically one without a clear origin or even a clear meaning in chinese, and just assign it a meaning based on its shape. Many I found by looking through font files, so for some, they might even be from some derived language I don't know about. A huge chunk of existing components I came accross (keep in mind, I did not know of the zi dot tools site when compiling them I overwhelmingly did it myself), are treated this way. This includes a few common shapes that came out of fusing a sound component and a meaning component in chinese. Often whatever it is said to depict in my list is not the origin in Chinese.

#CustV. These are variants of existing shapes or components that do not exist in Chinese. Some are short forms, some are the same character with a mark like a dot or square, others genuinely look a bit different. Keep in mind that even short forms, are often truly treated as separate as components. Either Full heart and left heart (these are not custom but you get the idea), + water are two different characters. There are some exception, like you can use the chinese short form of ''saying'' 讠(which isn't listed here) to replace 言. Whether you draw the latters top line as a dot or line is like in chinese, optional. Buut most variants do not work like that in picto-han, it's often not interchangable like here.

#Custom. These components do not exist in Chinese. As you can tell, they look a little different, usually. This is because I'm using the Chinese strokes, with some slight things outside of the style, to form an image that resembles the originally depicted thing more like it used to be for all Chinese components. Note that Occasionally the shape may accidentally exist, but it's a coincidence, similar to how left person + Private in my language makes ''me'', but this accidentally looks like the character in Japanese for Buddha. My favorite custom component is still the axolotl.

Note that some short forms are made specifically for one specific compound character. These are not listed here, as I do not even remember when I used them. Given that a lot of chinese components are complicated, and I want to have all the familiar shapes represented, but also use as many archaic meanings I could confirm as possible (Sadly, not for the sound components, outlier just doesn't list 'em yet I don't have time to wait..), It is not the most efficient set of components. This requires more and more short forms.

Also note that a few fusion or technically ''form compounds'' are included, but not all. Form compounds are the rare occasion when I don't combine components for 2 associated meanings (or meta associated meanings with another character), but for shaping a larger image or even meta shape. Some of these are considered so base or important they transcended to pictograph status.
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Remnants of Tags not being worked on:

#SNumber. This is the stroke count. This is currently not really added.

#BaseShape. This means it is a base shape I used to make other shapes

#BaseRadical. This means it is a basic type of depicted thing it would be organized in under a dictionary.

#CComponentName. This was for easily tagging other characters in other lists with what components they have

Given that this forms my base for all of the characters, I feel like it was important to share! It's often too time consuming to dissect every component in the sentences I post, so here they are!

Planned tags: Add a tag for which pictographs are feasible to use as components, and which are common

If you want an interactive version to use with a copy of obsidian so you can collapse the structure, I can upload it if ya want.

I'm not sure why it seems like there's this group of trans people, trans activists, and trans allies, that do not seem to be able to get this simple concept within their skulls. No I don't want to be able to be called female as a hon, I want to look female. No I don't want to debate the nature of sex and gender with you (unless it is purely philosophical, then I'll join ya). ''But women can have blablabla too'' ''But it should be okay not to pass'' ''But cisnormative not everyone wants a vagina'' bu bu bu- HUSH. Hell I technically don't even want ovaries but I'd rather get them and look female enough than just be male.

You know what I mean. Stop acting obtuse. Everytime I have to sit here and explain how dysphoria works to a trans person. if I'm unhappy looking like a hon, they somehow see that as an attack on THEM? Girl what, do I attack people for being happy being cis/trans men too? No! Men are fine! If you're fine being a girl looking like those traits..Cool for you, even intersex people exist too with various identities. But I personally just don't want to resemble these other peoples typical traits! Regardless of what you call 'em! I want to look like what I'd look like had I gone through the OTHER dominant hormone growing up! I want to pass to MYSELF. Feel right in my body. Physically.