u/Dad_Feels

They have all the leverage to ruin my life: my visa status is tied to them, access to my money, pretty much everything and they are being more and more cruel.

My friends are urging me to go to the police for emotional distress but I dont want to escalate if I can help it but communication has been almost non-existent.

I dont want either of our visa status' to be at risk and im really scared.

Basically they weren't a narcissist themselves. They were very sweet and caring. We got into a throuple with a narcissist. I have BPD and he convinced my wife to leave for him with all the money (in an account with just my wife's name but taken out in loans in just my name), I need to live with them for my visa but they just want to add me to the lease and tell me to go elsewhere.

Im terrified. I dont know what to do. I begged for them to let me live there and they refused so I asked for just 1/20th of the money and suddenly they turned on me and told me I was being selfish and that I have the optimal situation. This hurt so much because I just wanted to live with them.

What do I do? What would you do? I cant go back to my home country because id be jailed for not being able to pay the loans that are in my wife's account. I dont know what to do.

Update: they said yesterday that they would make a contract to show that I am on the lease but still need to live elsewhere. That they will give me 1/20 of my money back which is enough to live for a month or 2 while I try to find a job. But they are still upset and thinking that this is a better deal than what they are getting? Its not to me, id rather live with them. Should I leave it at the contract or go to the police?

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Im really struggling. I have typical BPD and my wife has quiet BPD. She found a new partner and would turn to him for help on dealing with my reactivity. Of course, he never helped and only told me that my behavior was unacceptable. :( my wife left me for him and he is her new FP, making me obsolete. Im devastated and dont know what to do. There is nothing left i can say to her, she said at most she'd be friends with me. We've been married over a decade and the new guy convinced her that me having treatment resistant BPD (i literally have tried therapy and meds since 2018 and so much more) is abuse. :( I never meant to hurt her and could never hate her even when I split. I miss her so much. She was the love of my life.

I thought it was memory loss but my ex said it wasnt when they came to therapy with me.

But it has to be something right? I dont feel in control of my reactions and they just happen and I feel so distressed. Like everything is happening too fast and Im not really there, someone else is.

Does anyone else experience this? What is this?

Advice for open relationship

Hey! I was in a throuple with my husband.

I experienced violent trauma as a child.

My Husband (panda) experienced sexual abuse.

The third guy (polar), I believe is a narcissist.

Polar was comforting apparently about pandas sexual trauma, begged me to reveal mine and then seemed nonplussed and unimpressed by it. I had depression and I have a dissociative overwhelm reaction where I express Suicidal Ideation. I have NEVER threatened suicide in the sense of if you leave me, ill do x. It has always been independent out of a trauma panic response for me. Polar said I was threatening suicide and abusive and manipulative.

Anyway. Polar started telling panda that it was just one thing after another with me. Panda started parroting this language. Polar started staging incidences to make me emotional and tell me that I was crazy. He'd threaten to call the police even when I hadn't done anything but walk into a room.

Polar started becoming more and more mean to me. Polar started to say he needed to protect panda from me even though id never hurt them. Panda believed it all and it made them happy. They expressed wanting Polar for themselves.

They became closer. Polar became more distant to me. Panda one day said they couldn't take my SI any longer. They left and Polar came to the rescue.

Polar re wrote my relationship with panda so that I was actually an abuser the whole relationship and panda needed to be protected. Suddenly, Polar became so cruel towards me that I suspected they never loved me at all. They told me that because I had SI I should just do it and encouraged me. When I finally overcame it, they were annoyed and then found new things to hate me for while saying I could never truly fix myself. Panda agrees with them but insists they arent manipulated.

Polar is refusing every single compromise I come up with. Saying that I cant be around my husband because he needs to protect them from me.

Polar completely discarded me. Never breaking up, just refused to answer my messages until they agreed I should commit s. He even tried to persuade me to sign divorce papers before i committed. They have become more and more mean and now panda looks at me with contempt and mirrors his wording. Now panda regularly says im bad for him and it breaks my heart.

What are the odds that polar is a narcissist? If not, what are your theories?

Hey! I was in a throuple with my husband.

I experienced violent trauma as a child.

My Husband (panda) experienced sexual abuse.

The third guy (polar), I believe is a narcissist.

Polar was comforting apparently about pandas sexual trauma, begged me to reveal mine and then seemed nonplussed and unimpressed by it. I had depression and I have a dissociative overwhelm reaction where I express Suicidal Ideation. I have NEVER threatened suicide in the sense of if you leave me, ill do x. It has always been independent out of a trauma panic response for me.

Anyway. Polar started telling panda that it was just one thing after another with me. Panda started parroting this language. Polar started staging incidences to make me emotional and tell me that I was crazy.

Polar started becoming more and more mean to me. Polar started to say he needed to protect panda from me even though id never hurt them. Panda believed it all and it made them happy. They expressed wanting Polar for themselves.

They became closer. Polar became more distant to me. Panda one day said they couldn't take my SI any longer. They left and Polar came to the rescue.

Polar re wrote my relationship with panda so that I was actually an abuser the whole relationship and panda needed to be protected. Suddenly, Polar became so cruel towards me that I suspected they never loved me at all. They told me that because I had SI I should just do it and encouraged me. When I finally overcame it, they were annoyed and then found new things to hate me for while saying I could never truly fix myself. Panda agrees with them but insists they arent manipulated.

Polar is refusing every single compromise I come up with. Saying that I cant be around my husband because he needs to protect them from me.

Polar completely discarded me. Never breaking up, just refused to answer my messages until they agreed I should commit s. He even tried to persuade me to sign divorce papers before i committed. They have become more and more mean and now panda looks at me with contempt and mirrors his wording.

What are the odds that polar is a narcissist? If not, what are your theories?