u/Dark_Empath84

Told me avoidant bf today that I’m really sick right now with a sinus infection and bronchitis and that my daughter is sick too and we have been for a few days. I said I’m up to my eyes in housework and things I have to do, and I have no help whatsoever. No way to even get a bit of break bc I’m on my toes caring for my little one while feeling horrible myself. I’m also moving in two weeks and I got a dumpster to throw junk out that I’ve been slowly putting in the yard over the last few months but most of it is heavy and I need someone to help me carry everything out the dumpster which I only have for the weekend. I didn’t flat out ask him to come over ( we don’t live together even though we’ve been together two years ) but I gave him a pretty strong hint that I really needed his help because I couldn’t do everything on my own or leave my sick daughter alone in the house while I went outside to throw junk away. His reply was “ sorry you’re sick “ Thats it.

I shouldn’t be surprised because he’s never come to help me when I’ve been sick or my daughter has been ( who he claims to love, along with me ) He won’t even go get me medicine or some tea or soup. He won’t do anything. I asked him twice before in the past if he could pick me up something / or come help me ( one one time the other the other time ) and he huffed and puffed like I was asking the world from him. One of the two times I asked, he eventually went and got me what I asked for, the other time he just wouldn’t come ( to help me)

Is this some avoidant thing where he doesn’t want to help me or show me any compassion because he doesn’t want to show his feelings or be vulnerable? Is it something else ? I try so hard to understand him and not give him shit about things that I feel he should care about, but this stings. Each time he does it, ( doesn’t show he cares at all ) it hurts that much more.
I don’t know how he can claim to love me but let me struggle on my own when I’m sick and desperately need his help. ( let alone his love )

Last night I found a flirty comment my avoidant ( is going to be my ex avoidant after this ) made in a group on Facebook. It was a fan group of “ burlesque dancers” that is apparently a member of. But these girls looked and danced a lot more like strippers ) He said that they were “ Amazing 🤩 “ and to “ keep up with the awesome content “ with a wink and red heart emoji ❤️😉 I sent him a screenshot of his comment along with a message saying that I wished he thought I was “ amazing “ or told me I was publicly like that. Along with a sad face and broken heart emoji’s 💔😢.

He replied with “ WOW…. WTF… you’re something else !!! “

I haven’t said anything back yet as I’m just crushed😞As if wasn’t bad enough to see that he was making comments like that ( and god knows what other comments he’s been making ) Getting a reply like that was devastating. Now I can’t stop thinking what else he’s been hiding from me.

Tell me I’m not over reacting? 🥺 .. and I have the right be feel hurt and offended.

After a lifetime of being gaslit , lied to, rejected and manipulated by my family ( and some toxic es boyfriends ) I question my own legitimate thoughts and feelings. 😣

Edit - for extra context, he also follows other gross pages on Facebook ( like only fans style pages, that have OF direct links) is super secretive with his phone ( usually gets off his phone as soon as I sit next to him) talks to his female “ friends” on Facebook and by text all the time ( sometimes some of them will message him in the middle of the night when I’m laying right next to him) But never talks about me, or posts pics or anything of us , and just in general acts like he’s always got something he’s hiding from me. This was the last straw.

So this afternoon ( Mother’s Day in Canada ) my mom sent me a bunch of pictures of all the cards and gifts she got from my siblings and I, the huge bouquet of flowers and lovely card from her husband, and various gifts/ cards she received from other people she knows.. She had everything all set up on display on the kitchen table in the pictures, like the cards standing up to see what they said and the gifts open. She also sent a couple of pictures of her with her husband looking super happy along with a message simply saying “ BLESSED”

She sends this to me today, when she knows i wasn’t able to see my kids for mothers day, that I didn’t get gifts from them, and that I don’t even have a spouse who could at least get me a card, because my ( then) husband just up and left our family one day about two years ago.. She is well aware of how traumatic that was for me and that it sent me into a horrible spiral of self loathing that I’m still not out of. She also knows that I suffer with severe depression, a host of other mental and physical health issues that I battle every day, And that I’m at the lowest point I’ve ever been in my life right now. Lastly, on top of all of that, she knows I’m currently going through a really rough patch with my daughter that causes me a lot of distress.

I feel like her behaviour is consistent with that of a covert narcissistic mother, but I’m reaching out to see if anyone else has had similar experiences with their mother, or if they have any opinions on if this is in fact narcissistic behaviour. I don’t feel I’m just being too sensitive and reading into it too much. Am I correct about her behaviour and justified in feeling hurt and offended by her actions on such a day ?

Thanks everyone for reading 😊

So this afternoon ( Mother’s Day in Canada ) my mom sent me a bunch of pictures of all the cards and gifts she got from my siblings and I, the huge bouquet of flowers and lovely card from her husband, and various gifts/ cards she received from other people she knows.. She had everything all set up on display on the kitchen table in the pictures, like the cards standing up to see what they said and the gifts open. She also sent a couple of pictures of her with her husband looking super happy along with a message simply saying “ BLESSED”

She sends this to me today, when she knows i wasn’t able to see my kids for mothers day, that I didn’t get gifts from them, and that I don’t even have a spouse who could at least get me a card, because my ( then) husband just up and left our family one day about two years ago.. She is well aware of how traumatic that was for me and that it sent me into a horrible spiral of self loathing that I’m still not out of. She also knows that I suffer with severe depression, a host of other mental and physical health issues that I battle every day, And that I’m at the lowest point I’ve ever been in my life right now. Lastly, on top of all of that, she knows I’m currently going through a really rough patch with my daughter that causes me a lot of distress.

I feel like her behaviour is consistent with that of a covert narcissistic mother, but I’m reaching out to see if anyone else has had similar experiences with their mother, or if they have any opinions on if this is in fact narcissistic behaviour. I don’t feel I’m just being too sensitive and reading into it too much. Am I correct about her behaviour and justified in feeling hurt and offended by her actions on such a day ?

Thanks everyone for reading 😊

So this afternoon ( Mother’s Day in Canada ) my mom sent me a bunch of pictures of all the cards and gifts she got from my siblings and I, the huge bouquet of flowers and lovely card from her husband, and various gifts/ cards she received from other people she knows.. She had everything all set up on display on the kitchen table in the pictures, like the cards standing up to see what they said and the gifts open. She also sent a couple of pictures of her with her husband looking super happy along with a message simply saying “ BLESSED”

She sends this to me today, when she knows i wasn’t able to see my kids for mothers day, that I didn’t get gifts from them, and that I don’t even have a spouse who could at least get me a card, because my ( then) husband just up and left our family one day about two years ago.. She is well aware of how traumatic that was for me and that it sent me into a horrible spiral of self loathing that I’m still not out of. She also knows that I suffer with severe depression, a host of other mental and physical health issues that I battle every day, And that I’m at the lowest point I’ve ever been in my life right now. Lastly, on top of all of that, she knows I’m currently going through a really rough patch with my daughter that causes me a lot of distress.

I feel like her behaviour is consistent with that of a covert narcissistic mother, but I’m reaching out to see if anyone else has had similar experiences with their mother, or if they have any opinions on if this is in fact narcissistic behaviour. I don’t feel I’m just being too sensitive and reading into it too much. Am I correct about her behaviour and justified in feeling hurt and offended by her actions on such a day ?

Thanks everyone for reading 😊

I’ve had issues with my mom since I was a young teen ( 42 now ) and after decades of emotional pain, confusion and feeling like I was just the “ bad child “ for fighting with my mom all the time growing up, and being told I was crazy ungrateful and disrespectful ( by my sisters and the rest of the family) for being able to see that something wasn’t quite right with her parenting (and our whole family dynamic ) I finally started figuring everything out when I began studying psychology, with a particular focus on attachment theory, narcissistic family structure, and the impact of generational trauma.

With everything I’ve learned over the last two years I’ve been studying, I’m quite certain my mom is a convert narcissist. My sisters don’t see it, nor does her husband, and they think she’s just the best mother / wife ever. I want so much to he able to prove to my sisters that I’m not crazy by giving them a really strong example of her toxic behaviour so they will finally believe me. I feel like I got that example today, but I would really like to hear the opinions of other people on this group. I was totally crushed when this happened today .

So this afternoon ( Mother’s Day in Canada ) my mom sent me a bunch of pictures of all the cards and gifts she got from my siblings and I, the huge bouquet of flowers and lovely card from her husband, and various gifts/ cards she received from other people she knows.. She had everything all set up on display on the kitchen table in the pictures, like the cards standing up to see what they said and the gifts open. She also sent a couple of pictures of her with her husband looking super happy along with a message simply saying “ BLESSED”

She sends this to me today, when she knows i wasn’t able to see my kids for mothers day, that I didn’t get gifts from them, and that I don’t even have a spouse who could at least get me a card, because my ( then) husband just up and left our family one day about two years ago.. She is well aware of how traumatic that was for me and that it sent me into a horrible spiral of self loathing that I’m still not out of. She also knows that I suffer with severe depression, a host of other mental and physical health issues that I battle every day, And that I’m at the lowest point I’ve ever been in my life right now. Lastly, on top of all of that, she knows I’m currently going through a really rough patch with my daughter that causes me a lot of distress.

I feel like her behaviour is consistent with that of a covert narcissistic mother, but I’m reaching out to see if anyone else has had similar experiences with their mother, or if they have any opinions on if this is in fact narcissistic behaviour. I don’t feel I’m just being too sensitive and reading into it too much. Am I correct about her behaviour and justified in feeling hurt and offended by her actions on such a day ?

Thanks everyone for reading 😊