u/Daske

Although a necessary part of social interaction is paying attention to other people and showing genuine interest, and I think I’m very good at this, I often feel that I’m putting myself in a submissive position in the conversation, which causes people to lose respect for me or not feel drawn to me, kind of viewing me as a wallflower. In one on one social interactions this doesn’t seem that bad most of the time, but I notice especially in group situations people don’t seem to gravitate to the question asker but to the statement maker, who seems to be providing value to the conversation. I understand asking questions sometimes is fine, but wondering if anyone has input on how often this should be done as I feel like I definitely overdo it. Curious on input from socially skilled people or people who others have described as charismatic.

When I think of the people I’m drawn to in a group situations, it’s not so much the people who ask genuine questions, but those who tell good stories and have a good sense of humour or make jokes. I feel like people instinctively respect people who put themselves out there and take risks by sharing their opinion on things rather than asking others what they think.

What is your mindset in group situations, or your goals outside of “having fun”, if you have any?