Does anyone know if there are flex workouts for balance and stability? Or a coach that incorporates these traits? I absolutely love and will not leave my team anytime soon, but once I do a standing quad stretch on either leg I nearly topple over in the gym!
I’ve been lifting for 6 years, but perhaps I will yield even more results by focusing on more core specific exercises?
This pot of soil has sat in the backyard for three years untouched. Was going to dump out the soil and use the pot when this little guy appeared three weeks ago.
Located in Florida
Shaun used to be energetic with a million friends surrounding him. These last two months he’s changed. He has insecurities surrounding his body, his single-status, and his finances, I made the mistake of sharing some of my finances with him and realized he is deeply triggered by things like debt, bills, and budgeting. He is constantly looking around his house for things to sell for cash online. If his grocery bill is larger than he anticipated he spirals. He says he is not behind in bills/payments. His parents show up for him in times of monetary need. He was promoted and then stepped down one month later because he decided leadership just wasn’t for him. Shaun downsized his apartment to save on rent and shortened his commute by 30 minutes. I recently paid him $1000 to help me with a project.
I understand in this economy how rough it is to be single. My partner and I split all our expenses and we invest. I feel as though Shaun is resentful of my situation because he’s constantly bringing up how he has no money and that he cannot go anywhere because that would mean he has to spend. Shaun sent me a break down of his budget, including what he makes. Indeed he has to live frugally, but he should still be saving money with his sacrifices. I suggested the idea of a roommate, but he only wants to room with me, all his friends are married. Shaun has started to make plans with friends and back out of them, citing money as the reason or his social battery is drained. But then complains about not having people to spend time with or people hit him up less often now. He said he still wants the pleasure of being invited to events even if he cannot afford it. then promptly complains about friends asking him to spend money.
He says when he is on the dating apps he looks at different profiles of women, he finds himself thinking “I bet she can’t afford that car” “She travelled to Mexico, I bet she couldn’t afford that”. I stopped sharing with him much of what I buy now.
Shaun is overweight. He does walk 10,000 steps a day at his job. I am no exercise expert but I tried to explain to him that his body is used to that amount of work and therefore needs to challenge himself with something else. He doesn’t have the motivation to do any physical activity other than walk his dog before and after work. I have offered to do some weighted walking challenges with him since walking is what he prefers. He replied “maybe in a few months” back in January. Whenever I see his name light up on my phone I groan. Ive said it makes me sad hearing him beat himself up and explained the grace he should have for doing life alone. He has an answer for every suggestion. I changed tactics and tried to validate him, thinking he just needs to get it out of his system. rants are just get longer. Now I am just kind of acknowledging his complaints but no longer trying to dive into any kind of reason or solution for them. Shaun is starting to get short with me, aita?
In short: I suspect that my (33m)friend Shaun (35m) is depressed and his negativity is now starting to bother me. It makes me not want to be around him. I I care a lot for Shaun and believe it’s the morally right thing to do to help. I want him to find some sort of motivation to help himself and improve his situation. Should I and/or how should I go about this?
Shaun used to be energetic with a million friends surrounding him. Life of the party. Hardworker. Loved by many. But these last two months he’s like a different person.
Shaun has insecurities surrounding his body image, his single-status, and his finances.
I made the mistake of sharing some (but not all) of my finances with him and realized he is deeply triggered by things like debt, bills, and budgeting. He is constantly looking around his house for miscellaneous things to sell for cash online. If his grocery bill is larger than he anticipated, he mentally spirals. Shaun says he is not behind in bills/payments. He is not afraid of being homeless. His parents still very much show up for him in times of monetary need. He has a savings, just not as much as he wants. His job gives him 401k and dividends. He received a promotion at his job and then stepped down one month later because he decided leadership just wasn’t for him (which I found admirable to admit). Shaun downsized his apartment to save $200 a month on rent and shortened his commute to work by 30 minutes. I one month ago paid him $1000 to help me with a DIY project on my house.
I understand in this economy how absolutely rough it is to be single. My partner and I split all our bills/expenses and we also invest. Lately, I feel as though Shaun is resentful of my situation because he’s constantly bringing up how he has “no money” and that he cannot go anywhere because that would mean he has to spend money. Shaun sent me a break down of his budget, including what he makes. The math just isn’t mathing because yes, he has to live frugally, but he should still be saving money with just his downgrade apartment alone. I am resigned to the fact Shaun must have some sort of spending habit that I am not privy to. I suggested to him to look into the idea of a roommate, but he only wants to room with me, all his friends are married, etc.
Shaun has started to make plans with friends and back out of them, often citing money as the reason or his social battery is drained. But then in the same conversation complains about not having people to spend time with or people hit him up less often now. He said he still wants the pleasure of being invited to events even if he cannot afford it. And then promptly complains about friends asking him to spend money. This is an exhausting thing for me to navigate.
Shaun says when he is on the dating apps and he looks at different profiles of women, he finds himself thinking “I bet she can’t afford that car” “She travelled to Mexico, I bet she couldn’t afford that”. Just very toxic mindset for complete strangers….. makes me wonder how he views me. I stopped sharing with him much of what I’m doing/buying because of this.
Shaun is overweight and vocalizes his discomfort. He does proudly walk 10,000 steps a day at his job. I am no exercise expert but I tried to explain to him that his body is used to that amount of work and therefore needs to challenge himself with something else. He cannot afford a gym membership and does not have the motivation to do any physical activity other than walk his dog before and after work. I have offered to do some weighted walking challenges with him since walking is what he prefers. He subtly replied “maybe in a few months” back in January. But the self deprecating comments about his body continue.
Things are at the point now that whenever I see Shaun’s name light up on my phone I know he’s got something negative to complain about, usually one of the holy trinity listed above. I have told him it makes me sad to hear him beat himself up and explained the grace he should have for doing life alone. This does not work. He just comes up with an answer/excuse for every suggestion I make. I changed tactics and tried to validate him, thinking maybe he just needs to get it out of his system. This also does not work. His rants just get longer. Now I am just kind of acknowledging his complaints but no longer trying to dive into any kind of reason or solution for them. NBecause of this, Shaun is starting to get short with me, ignore my texts for hours at a time. I feel terrible but I don’t know if I should try to help him anymore. I have encouraged him to go to therapy for this.
TLDR should I help my friend who seems content to play victim? How do I maintain a friendship with him?